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McKenna: Can you relax? The appointment was made. All I did was come to it.
“Miss Taylor?” Elizabeth pulls my attention away from my phone. “What do you think about that one?”
Ugh, to be honest, I didn’t even allow myself to taste it. I was too wrapped up in Colton blowing up my phone. I make an unsure face and take another small bite. It’s a yellow cake with a lemon filling. It’s delicious, but I don’t think it would go over too well with all the guests.
“A 7.5.” I plaster on the best fake smile I can manage.
Content with my answer, Elizabeth writes it down on her pad and directs us toward the next piece. Meanwhile, my phone vibrates again.
Colton: Oh, sure. Play innocent like you’re not planning your wedding to someone else right now. If you want him, then fucking be with him, but don’t string me along in the process.
Is that what I’m doing, stringing them both along? Fuck, of course it is. I
t’s not like I’m doing it on purpose. If the choice was clear, I’d make it – but it’s not. My brain tells me to choose Parker. That he will always do whatever it takes to make me happy and would never dream of hurting me. But my heart, well that’s 100% team Colton. Despite all the pain he’s caused in the past, it still yearns for him. I love Parker, but it’s not the same and that’s where I struggle.
Maybe I’ve just never let myself feel for Parker like I do Colton. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t always been a bit closed off. How could I not be? I’ve never experienced a heartbreak like that, and to be honest, I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure I don’t go through that again. The way my whole world crashed down around me – it was like no matter how deeply I breathed, I couldn’t get enough air.
I sigh as I focus solely on my phone.
McKenna: Can we talk about this later?
Colton: No. What’s the point? Seriously, don’t even bother.
The idea of him running away has me on the verge of tears, but I can’t let my emotions show.
McKenna: I told you I wasn’t going to leave him right away.
The three little dots to indicate he’s typing come up and then go away again. When I hear my name called, I barely manage to taste the cake and let Elizabeth know what I think about it. Just as another message finally comes through, Parker places his hand on my wrist. I look up at him.
“Love, can you please put your phone down?” His words are too soft for how I feel right now. “This is important and we need to be sure on which one we choose.”
An anger bubbles inside of me at the idea of him telling me to stop texting Colton. Can’t he see I’m having a mental crisis here?! But how can I expect him to know that? As far as he’s aware, I’m hopelessly devoted to him and excited to get married in the fall. Unless I’m sure I want all of that to go away, I know I need to put this argument on the back burner.
“Right, sorry.” I click it off and slip it back into my pocket, hoping I didn’t make things so much worse.
BY THE END OF the tasting, we happily decided on a white cake with a strawberry amaretto filling. The design for it that Tatum already picked out is impeccable. It’s a five tier cake with white icing and a geode design on the side in pale pink and gold. Even just seeing the sketches Elizabeth drew up, I know it’s going to be incredible.
Parker drives us to a nearby restaurant for lunch, although I’m stuffed from all the cake we just tried. It’s a little diner I’ve never been to before, but it seems cozy enough. As soon as we’re seated, he excuses himself to the bathroom and I take the opportunity to pull out my phone. The only text I find is the one from earlier.
Colton: Don’t play coy. It doesn’t look good on you. Not leaving him and still planning your wedding with him are two totally different things.
He’s mad, that much is clear, and for the most part I get it. If the tables were turned, I’d never be able to handle knowing he goes home to some other woman. Then again, if the tables were turned, I never would’ve walked out on him all those years ago, so I guess the point is moot.
To text him back right now would be pointless. I already know that. There is no talking to him and getting him to listen unless we’re face to face. He needs to be able to look me in the eyes and hear what I’m saying. Otherwise, we will just continue to fight. I know him well enough to know that.
Just as I put my phone away and take a deep breath, Parker returns and sits in the booth across from me. He gives me a warm smile, making my insides flip. There was a time where I used to enjoy spending every minute I could with him. If I’m being totally honest, a part of me still feels that way. I’m just not sure that part is big enough.
“Is everything alright?” He questions softly, reaching over to grab my hand. I let him. “You seem bothered by something.”
I should deny it, but clearly that would do no good. I may not have let him know me as well as other people, but he has learned things over the couple of years we’ve been together. So, instead of making matters worse, I shrug.
“I just feel a little off today. That’s all.”
He frowns. “Well, I was planning on studying tonight for an exam I have next week, but if you’d rather, we can snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie.”
The idea sounds enticing, but the argument with Colton is still in the forefront of my mind. I need to get to him so we can talk. The longer I let him stew, the worse it could get.
“No, that’s okay. I already told Ivy I would meet her for dinner.” I lie. “And besides, you need to study. Med school is nothing to mess around with.”
