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The two of us lay in silence for a bit, and I start to wonder if he’s fallen asleep, until he speaks again.
“I get them too, you know.” He confesses.
I sit up and look down at him. “Get what?”
“Panic attacks.”
I’m shocked. I never would have imagined Holden Rivers having anxiety. A
fter all, what is there for him to be anxious about? He has the world at his feet and everything he could ever want.
“Oh.” I say, not knowing what else to say.
He chuckles. “Look at that, you can be speechless.”
I nudge him playfully. “I’m just surprised. I didn’t expect that.”
“No one else knows.” He tells me. “Well, no one here at least.”
“Not even Bree?” I ask.
“Not even Bree.”
I don’t know what surprises me more – that he suffers from anxiety, or that he chose to tell me over his own girlfriend. So, all this time, he really does know what I’m going through. Maybe him and I can be friends after all.
“Thank you for telling me.” I whisper, laying back down next to him.
“Thank you for listening.” He responds.
The two of us spend what feels like hours, just lying next to each other and staring up at the starry night sky. We start to name the brightest ones. Curtis, Lloyd, Holden, Kayleigh, Brianna, Emily, Brandon. We start off thinking of funny names, then move to naming them after ourselves and the closest people to us. It’s relaxing.
We get back just before sunrise. Holden slips back into bed with Brianna, careful not to wake her, and I climb back into my bed. I think about how I just spent hours with him, and shockingly, I really enjoyed it. I fall asleep with a smile on my face. Perhaps the boy who I couldn’t stand, will end up being the one who saves me.
HOLDEN STANDS IN FRONT of me, holding a muffin. I had almost forgotten about him trying to help me through my eating disorder until he came back from the café with this. I stare it down as if it’s diseased.
“Come on, Kayleigh. You have to eat it.” He tries. “You said you’d let me help you.”
“Do you know how many calories are in that thing?” I ask, disgusted.
“No, and I don’t care.” He deadpans. “Eat it.”
I get up and walk past him, going into the bathroom to try to calm myself down. I take out my phone and look up the calories in a blueberry muffin – 426.
“Yeah, no. That’s not going to happen.” I tell him as I return to my bed.
He looks at me, squinting. “Why not?”
“Because. There are more calories in that one muffin than I normally eat in an entire day.”
He rolls his eyes, placing the muffin on my desk and sitting on my bed next to me.
“That’s the point, Kayleigh. The amount you eat isn’t healthy. You could end up in the hospital, or worse.” He sounds genuinely concerned.
“Like that would be such a bad thing.” I mumble.
Suddenly, Holden’s hands are on my face, holding me firmly so I’m forced to look him in the eyes.
“It would be a horrible thing. Brianna would be absolutely heartbroken if something happened to you.” He says honestly.
