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I’m stunned into silence. I search my mind for something to say. “Just Brianna?”
“No, Kayleigh. Not just Brianna.”
He leans forward and presses his lips to my forehead, kissing it softly. I’m stuck in a trance as he releases my face and reaches for the muffin. He carefully pulls a piece off and brings it toward my mouth.
“Please?” He begs.
I don’t know what causes me to give in, but I slowly open my mouth and allow him to feed me the muffin. It tastes delicious, but I can’t stop thinking about what it will do to my weight. It’s going to take forever to start losing weight again after this.
Halfway through the muffin, I stop, shaking my head when he tries to bring another piece toward my lips.
“I’m full, really. I can’t eat any more.” I tell him.
He studies my face, as if searching for something to indicate I’m lying. Thankfully he doesn’t find anything and takes the remaining piece of the muffin and stuffs it into his mouth. I breathe a sigh of relief when I realize I won’t have to eat more of it.
“Thank you.” He says after he swallows. I smile.
As Holden steps away from my bed, I take out my phone and open the calculator. I type in 426 divided by two and find that I still ate 213 calories, just for breakfast. I feel sick just looking at it. I can’t handle this. It’s too much.
“Well, I have to go to class.” He announces, sounding satisfied. “I’ll see you in sociology.”
I say goodbye, thankful that he’s leaving. Brianna left for class hours ago and shouldn’t be back all day. As soon as the door closes, I rush to the bathroom. I shove my two fingers as far back as I can and wretch until contents of the muffin start to come back up, falling into the toilet.
I should have had water with it. It would have made this so much easier.
I’m about halfway through getting the contents of my breakfast up, when Holden’s voice booms through the room.
“Fucking seriously?!” He yells. I turn around, my fingers dripping with saliva and my face puffy. “You’re fucking ridiculous!”
“What are you doing here?” I ask, unsure of what else to say.
“I forgot my textbook.” He spits.
He grabs the book from Brianna’s desk, then turns to look at me once more. He shakes his head and rolls his eyes before walking out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
I don’t know why, but I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. He was only trying to help me, and I let him down. I let everyone down. I shake the thoughts from my head.
Good. Maybe now he won’t bother me again.
I stick with that and go back to the task at hand, getting this muffin out before my body absorbs the calories.
Chapter Six
I read the text message staring back at me for the 20th time.
Holden: I’ll be there at 3 so we can finish our project.
My heart’s racing and my palms are clammy. The last time I saw Holden was yesterday morning, when he stormed out of my dorm room. Since then, neither of us have said a word to each other. I skipped sociology class to avoid seeing him. He must have felt the same way because he had Brianna go to his place instead of coming here last night. Now it seems I can’t avoid him any longer. The project is due tomorrow. I just hope he doesn’t make this unbearable.
I glance over at the clock. It’s 2:52 PM. Holden should be here any minute. Bree has class and then is going shopping with Taylor afterwards, so I don’t even have her to buffer the awkward tension. Maybe that’s for the best. I don’t want him blurting something out and her hearing.
By the time that I’m done making my bed, and checking that my food journal is safely stashed away under my mattress, there’s a knock on my door. I slowly walk over to it, so nervous I feel like I’m going to be sick. I never imagined he would have this effect on me, but he knows my deepest secret. He could ruin me.
I open the door and start walking back to my desk without greeting him at all.
“Nice to see you, too.” He remarks, closing the door behind him. I hum in response.
When I reach my desk, I turn around and see he’s holding a bag from a deli. My stomach suddenly feels heavy.
