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I exhale. "It's going well. I mean, it's rough, don't get me wrong. Some days are easier than others, but overall I'm good."
"Good. I was really worried about you." He says with pure honesty.
For the first time in months, I tell him exactly what I've been thinking since I got through the withdrawals. "You saved my life."
He shakes his head. "No. I just got you the help you needed. You did all the work."
Leave it to Holden to downplay his actions. A few weeks into rehab, I realized how hard it must have been for him to do what he did. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to see or talk to me much, on top of knowing how angry I'd be. I can only imagine what he went through when he realized he couldn't fix me on his own. If it wasn't for him, I don't know where I would be.
We don't dwell on the depressing topic of my drug addiction for long. At one point during our conversation, I get up and start looking around his new room. It has a walk-in closet and a bathroom attached – perks of being president.
Being Holden, though, he still has tons of pictures over one section of the wall. Some of them I recognize, carried over from his room last year. Others, however, are new. There are a few from his camping trip with Brandon, and some from last year. When I notice how many there are of him and I, I turn to him.
"You printed some of us?"
He walks toward me. "Of course, I did. They're what helped me get through the summer."
I exhale, relieved. "I thought you hated me after I wouldn't let you visit."
He places one hand on my cheek and the other on the back of my neck, looking deep into my eyes. "I could never hate you."
Holden leans forward and presses his lips to my forehead. I take a deep breath, overwhelmed with the vast amount of want I have for him. It's clear there are lingering feelings between us. Yet, I still don't know if we can get back to how we were.
I've always been one of those people who believed you broke up for a reason. Whenever Emily used to get back with one of her exes, I would roll my eyes, knowing it was doomed from the start. It's like breaking something. You can put it back together, but it'll never be the same. However, standing here with Holden, I can understand why people do it anyway.
No. It's not the right time for one. I need to focus on hockey and the fraternity.
His words play in my mind on a repetitive loop. Could I handle going back to being his friend with benefits? No, I don't think I could. Not after being his girlfriend - after falling completely and irrevocably in love with him.
I sigh, taking one step back. He releases me and looks at me cautiously, as if he's afraid of what my next move will be.
"I should really get back to Dolce." I murmur. "I'm supposed to be working."
"Oh." Holden replies, running his fingers through his hair. "Okay, yeah. Do you need a ride back?" He starts walking me out.
I shake my head. "I drove Dawson's car."
"Do you even have a license?" He questions, looking down at me unsurely.
I narrow my eyes at him. "Yes."
He walks me down the stairs and out the door to Dawson's car. Before I get in, he opens his arms for another hug. I don't hesitate, embracing him and breathing in the smell I've missed so much.
Jasmine, Honeysuckle, and Holden.
I open the car door and climb inside. As soon as I start it, I roll down the window. Holden bends down, placing hands on the door. He gazes into the car as I text Dawson, letting him know I'm on my way back.
"Do you still have my number?" He asks.
I nod. "Of course, I do."
He smiles in the way that makes me swoon. "Good. Text me when you get back so I know you made it alright."
"Okay."
He leans in and presses his lips my head once more. When he retreats, it takes everything in me not to pull him back toward me and kiss him senseless. He pats the door twice and steps backward, crossing his arms and watching as I back out of the driveway.
I don't know what will happen with him and I, but I'm glad he's back in my life.
