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It's been 24 hours since the last time I talked to him, and he's kept his word. Though for every inch of space he gives me, I only find myself missing him more. It finally came to a head tonight when Bree told me to either buy a pregnancy test, or go talk to Holden. Being as I can't imagine finding out without him, here I am.
Dawson talked to me after he left last night. According to him, Holden’s terrified that I either relapsed, or that he did something wrong. The thought of him being worried breaks my heart. As much as he sometimes may not know the right things to say, he's always done his best to be there for me. Will he be there with this though?
Just as I'm about to change my mind and go home, a car pulls into the driveway next to me. Of course, it’s just my luck that Holden gets out of it.
"Kayleigh?" He asks, confused. "What are you doing here?"
"I-I came to talk but if you're busy, I can just go." I go to walk away but he runs over and stops me.
"No, wait. Baby, you're soaked. You're going to get sick." He takes off his jacket and wraps it around my shoulders. "Come on, let's get you inside."
I allow him to lead me into the
house and up to his bedroom. He shuts and locks the door behind us before going into the bathroom and turning on the shower. He comes out a few seconds later and leads me down the small hallway.
"Do you want me to help you, or would you rather do it yourself?"
My mouth opens, but no words come out. I'm caught off guard by how caring he's being, even when I may not deserve it. Thankfully, he gets the hint and helps me strip out of my wet clothes. Once he's done, he opens the shower door for me and I step inside.
The warm water runs down my body, heating me back up from the bitter cold I was before. I allow it to stream over my face, thinking about how I'm going to tell him. What are even the right words to tell your fresh off a break up boyfriend that you may be carrying his child? I don't think there are any.
When the water starts to become cold, I turn it off and step out. I wrap the towel Holden left for me around my body and walk into the bedroom. My boyfriend is sitting on his bed, with a pair of his sweats and a T-shirt next to him.
"Here." He hands them to me. "Your clothes are in the dryer."
"Thank you."
A part of me contemplates going into the bathroom to change, but this is Holden. It's nothing he hasn't seen before, and it's not like I'd be showing by now. So, I drop my towel to the floor and pull on the clothes. Holden tries his best not to look, but I can see as he bites his lip.
Once I'm finished getting dressed, I pick the towel up off the floor and use it to dry my hair. It doesn't do much, but it's good enough. When I’m done, I drape it on the rod in the bathroom and go back to Holden. As soon as I sit on the bed, he puts his phone on the nightstand and gives me his complete attention.
"So, what's up?" He questions, it sounding so easy – like he’s asking about the weather. Oh, how I wish this was that simple.
I bite down on my nail nervously. "I need to tell you something, but please don't panic. I don't know if I can handle you freaking out."
His expression turns to one of both curiosity and concern as he reaches over and grabs my hands. "Babe, whatever it is, we can handle it."
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, before letting the words flow from my lips. "I think I'm pregnant."
Chapter 19
Holden stares at me, his eyes wide and jaw slacked. My heart pounds inside of my chest, begging him to say something, anything. The silence may as well be someone screaming in my face, the way it's triggering my anxiety at an alarmingly fast rate.
"Okay, I'm going to go." I mumble, unsure of anything coming out of my mouth.
Just as I'm about to get up from the bed, Holden grabs my wrist. "Don't, don’t leave. I just need a minute."
I sigh, nodding and sitting back down. I place his pillow in my lap and mess with the fabric to distract myself. When the quiet becomes too much again, I look up at him with tears building.
"I'm sorry."
His looks at me, confused. "For what?"
"This... situation?"
He closes his eyes and exhales. When they reopen, they hold a kind of softness I've missed. "Come here." Extending his arms, I go willingly – snuggling into his side and allowing him to hold me. It's exactly what I've needed. "You have nothing to apologize for."
"I feel like I do."
