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“You still want me to be?”
“Oh sweetheart, don’t be silly. So, you have a past. Name someone who doesn’t.”
A wave of relief washes over me. Although, I’m still ashamed. “Yeah, but I made really bad choices.”
“Do you still make those bad choices now?”
“No.” I shake my head rapidly. “Never.”
“Then you can’
t let them define you. They’re just a part of your past. You take your mistakes and you learn from them. That’s all you can do.”
“I was so afraid you’d hate me.”
“Well, that would make me a hypocrite.”
My eyes widen. “Y-you used to…”
“No, but my husband did.”
I sit there, gaping. The thought of Dan doing drugs seems outlandish to me. He’s a lawyer and so well put together.
“I never would have guessed.”
She chuckles. “That’s because he doesn’t let a mistake he made when he was younger have any effect on his life now. Though, he’s also never had millions of people judging him for it.”
“Yeah.” I wince. “That parts hard.”
“But you’re getting through it. You have Holden, and the baby. Who cares what anyone else thinks? The people who matter still love you, and none of us are going anywhere.”
I hug her tightly, not knowing how much I needed her motherly advice until now. She’s right. As long as I have the people I care about, everything is going to be just fine.
SOMEHOW, HOLDEN ENDS UP talking me into going to a party. He had given me the option to stay home, but I knew how that would look. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be though. No one mentions the media mishap, or even looks at me differently – that is, however, until Bianca walks through the door. The sour expression on her face is enough to make me uneasy.
I place my hands over my stomach protectively, as if she’s about to attack me like some kind of ninja. When she notices, she glances at Holden. Her face changes to a look between longing and sadness, but it’s quickly masked when someone comes up to talk to her.
Suddenly, the room is just too small. The air is thick and I feel like I can’t get a deep enough breath. Trying to avoid the impending anxiety attack, I lean over and whisper into Holden’s ear.
“I’m just going to get some fresh air.”
He eyes me intently. “Do you want me to come with you?”
“No. Stay with your friends. I’ll only be a minute.”
It almost looks like he’s going to argue it, but thankfully, he doesn’t. It’s not that I don’t want him around me. I just don’t feel like spending my night explaining that his devil of an ex can still make me feel intimidated.
I step outside, into the overly fancy backyard. Being in the end of December, I can see my breath. I snuggle deeper into Holden’s jacket and allow the cold air to burn as I inhale deeply.
“Cold?” A voice startles me. Bianca.
“What did you do? Follow me out here?”
She smirks. “Maybe. You and I both know Holden wouldn’t allow me within five feet of you otherwise.”
I roll my eyes. “What do you want, Bianca?”
“The same thing I’ve always wanted – for you to disappear.”
