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She paused halfway through taking off her coat. “We do, you’re right.”
Her eyes searched his face and fixed on his bruised cheekbone. Mav had hit him in almost exactly the same place he’d first blindsided him a month and a half ago. Thankfully, this blow hadn’t split the fresh scar.
Her gaze narrowed and her forehead furrowed. “You know?” When he nodded, she paled. “How—Hannah. That little … gah! She told my dad, didn’t she?”
“Yeah. And he told me with his fist.” He took her coat. “Why didn’tyoutell me?”
“I literally found out today, while I was with mom and my infuriating little sister.”
“How do you feel? Do you need to sit down?”
“I feel … dazed. Scared. But physically, I’m okay. We should sit, because we have to talk.”
He hung her coat in the closet and offered his hand. When she took it, he led her to the living room, and they sat in their usual place on the sofa.
“I need to start,” he said, and she gave him a quizzical look.
“Okay …”
He’d intended to tell her what his brain had been shouting at him for almost two hours: that he could not make a child, under any circumstances, and why. But he looked at her sweet face, saw her worry and her trust, her love, and what came out of his mouth was, “What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t had a chance to figure anything out. When I woke up this morning, this was not on my agenda for the day. Or the year.” She picked up his hand and slid her fingers between his. “I just know I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t.” As he said it, he wondered how they’d manage to stay together if she wanted to keep this baby, despite the incredibly important argument against it he intended to make any second now.
And then he saw that it didn’t matter. It was her call. He could make his case, but it was her decision. Only hers. And if she kept it, he’d have made a baby, despite the many good reasons his genes should never be anywhere near an innocent child, and he certainly would not abandon his child. Or the child’s mother.
So. If she wanted the baby, they would have the baby.
“What are you thinking?” she asked. “Talk to me.”
He’d planned to tell her he could not, under any circumstances, make a child. Now he saw that that ship had sailed; they were already making one. So instead, he said, “I’m scared, Kelse. My mom was crazy. I’m crazy. I don’t want to make a kid live with a head like mine. It’s a miserable way to live.”
She let go of his hand and cupped his cheek. “You’re not crazy, Dex.” When he opened his mouth to argue that point, she jumped in and insisted, “You’re not. You have some mental health issues, but PTSD isn’t genetic. Even if there is something genetic in the things that get in your way,lotsof people have mental health issues. With the right support, you can have a good life. You’re going to start therapy again, right? And meds?”
With gentle, steady pressure, somehow managing not to be a nag while not letting up about it, she’d convinced him to talk to Eight about some of the things he was struggling with—with Eight, he’d left out that he occasionally lost time—and that he thought meds would help, which likely meant therapy. Eight had dropped a hand onto Dex’s shoulder and said,Brother, half of us are nuts, and there’s more than a couple I wish’d get some help. If you ask my old lady, she’ll tell you I could’ve used it a time or two myself. You know what to shut up about, and I trust you to protect the club. That’s why you wear that flash. Get the help you need.
Just like that. Years of beingsurehe’d lose this life like he’d lost the first one, and all it had taken was ten minutes of honesty in his president’s office to know he was safe.
All it had taken was a little trust. In Kelsey. In Eight. In himself.
Now he just had to get an appointment. At the VA, that required a lot of patience, plenty of luck, and some magic.
“Yeah, I am. But Kelsey—”
“You said it’s a miserable way to live, and I understand why. But honey, are you miserable now?”
“What?”
“Are you miserable now? Have you been miserable for the past … I don’t know … let’s say the past month.”
He smiled. “No. Not for the past month.”
“Hmm. I wonder why that is.”
“Because I have you. Because I love you.”
“And I love you.” A pert smile shaped her mouth. “I’mcrazyin love with you.”
