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7
Luke
ThemomentIwasdone with my tea, I escaped the room with an excuse to grab a shower. I needed time to catch up with everything that had happened. I hadn't had an episode like that in a long time, and it had scared the shit out of me.
I grabbed a change of clothes and rushed into the shower, closing the door behind me and locking it. Once I was standing under the spray, I finally let myself think, process through everything as the warm water worked to wash the stress out of my muscles.
I hated that I'd let my fear and anxiety hurt Scott. He'd tried to hide it, but I'd seen the hurt in his eyes when I'd accused him of wanting something from me. The worst thing was I hadn't even meant it. Not really. These past few weeks, I'd gotten to know Scott and realized he really was a nice, kind person.
Dealing with me wasn't easy, and yet he did it so splendidly every time, without any complaints. He had somehow managed to become someone I cared about, and now I’d ended up hurting him by letting my anxiety talk for me.
I wasn't an easy person to care about; I knew that. The only people who really cared about me were a woman who was used to dealing with people like me, a woman who was even pricklier than me, and a guy who could befriend a stone. Yet Scott cared. And what had I done in return? Hurt him.
I shook my head as the water warmed me, but it couldn't reach the chill I felt deep inside at the thought of what had happened yesterday. I'd comeso closeto cutting myself. The only reason I hadn't done it was that I'd been too drained to reach for the knife. What would have happened if I hadn't dropped it? I shuddered at the thought, my eyes closing of their own accord as I pressed my forehead against the cool shower wall.
"Luke? You okay?" Scott's voice on the other end of the door made me jerk and slip on the wet floor before I grabbed the shower knob to keep from falling.
Clearing my throat, I called out, "Yeah, be out in a minute." I guessed I'd lost track of time. Groaning low in my throat, I rubbed my face and turned off the shower, dressing up in another long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants. I didn't think I had the mental energy to go to work today, and I was sure Mama D would understand.
Wringing out my hair and drying it as best I could, I lightly combed through them and left them to air dry. Once I was in my room, I grabbed my phone and texted my boss, AKA my adoptive mom.
Me:Hey, Mama D. I'm not feeling so well. Will it be okay if I don't come in today? I can ask one of the juniors to temp in my place.
Her reply was immediate and made me smile.
Boss Mama:Hey, hon. Take care and let me know if you need anything. Maybe some soup? I could bring it over later? And don't worry about work. I'll take care of it.
Me:Nah, it's okay. I'm taking a mental health day. Don't stress yourself. <3
Boss Mama:Don't tell your mama what to do, young man. Now, how about some homemade ice cream then?
Me:*gasp* How can I say no?
Boss Mama:Correct answer. See you in the evening. Take care. I love you.
Me:Love you too, Mama D!
My heart warmed at how much Mama D cared for me. Considering the fact that she had hundreds of kids like me calling her Mama, it was a wonder how she made each one of us feel special and cherished.
Dropping my phone on the bed, I took a deep breath before heading out, knowing I needed to apologize for my words and tell Scott just how much his friendship meant to me.
Scott wasn’t in the living room, and for a moment, I thought he’d left for work. Strangely, the thought disappointed me when I’d expected to feel relief at not having to face him. But before I could think too much about it, Scott’s voice called out from the kitchen. “Breakfast is ready!”
Taking a deep breath, I walked into the kitchen, smiling when I saw the pancakes and the assortment of syrups. It just went to show how well Scott knew me, since he’d made my favorite weekend breakfast on Monday just to make me feel better.
“Come on. Eat up before they get cold.” Scott plated the pancakes, setting them on the table.
We ate in silence, and I spent the meal trying to build up the courage to apologize and say what I needed to. Just as Scott was getting up with his empty dish, I found the words. “Wait!”
Scott sat back in his seat and looked at me, the warmth in his brown eyes giving me the strength to speak. “Scott, I’m so sorry about what I said before. I swear I didn’t mean it. I trust you. You’re one of the few people I know would never hurt me. I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean it. Sometimes, when I’ve had an episode or a bad day, my thoughts are all jumbled, and I let my anxiety speak for me. What I said, it was a reflection of me, not you. I’m so—”
“Luke.” Scott’s voice interrupted my monologue, and I looked up at him from where my eyes had drifted to stare at my empty plate. “Luke, it’s okay. Sure, I was a bit upset when you first said it because I expected you to know me better than that. But then I realized you didn’t really mean it, so it doesn’t matter. I don’t know what happened to you, and I don’t need you to tell me unless you want to talk about it, but I want you to know that I’d never intentionally hurt you, okay?”
I nodded, my throat too clogged up to answer just yet. I didn’t want to tell Scott everything. Maybe one day, I would, but for now, this was all I could bring myself to say. “I—I was in a bad relationship. It left its scars.”Both emotional and physical,I added in my mind.
Scott nodded without saying anything before walking over to my side of the table. Slowly, he took a hold of my hand and pulled me to my feet before pulling me into a warm hug. I froze because the only person who ever really hugged me was Mama D, and this hug was so very different, but just as full of warmth and that sense of security I always craved. It took me a moment to get comfortable, but once I did, I sank into his warm embrace and let my forehead rest on his shoulder as I curled my arms around his waist. He squeezed me once before speaking softly. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. The asshole clearly didn’t know how precious you are.”
I snorted, and he pulled back to look me in the eyes. “I guess you don’t know it either.” His voice was musing and a little sad, and I glanced away because he didn’t know. I wasn’t precious or beautiful or whatever else he thought I was. I was damaged, messed-up, and so fucking broken I was holding myself together with duct tape and safety pins.
