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Standing up, I placed the knife on the counter before approaching him. I tried to be as noisy as I could so I wouldn’t startle him, but he paid me no attention. It was as if he wasn’t even in the room. I kneeled in front of him, and still, he didn’t move.
Cautiously, I placed my hand on his knee, shaking gently. “Luke?”
His eyes snapped to mine, widening slightly before he started shaking and looked away again, as if he couldn’t bear to meet my eyes. “Come on. Let’s get you out of here,” I urged gently, getting to my feet with my hands gripping his shoulders so I could pull him up with me even as I tried to figure out what had happened. Had something spooked him? Had he had a panic attack or something?
Luke stumbled as he stood up, and I knew he’d been there for a long time by his unsteadiness. What the hellhadhappened? It seemed like that was the only thing running through my head at the moment. That and the fact that I needed to take care of Luke.
I led him to the couch and made him settle down, grabbing the throw blanket and wrapping it around him. “I’ll make you some tea, okay?” I decided to give him some privacy, just in case. I wasn’t sure what to do. Should I stay with him? Should I leave him alone? Tea was a good idea, right?
He didn’t say anything, so I walked back into the kitchen. There was water in the kettle, and Luke’s tea box was lying open on the counter. Had Luke come here to make tea, then? What went wrong?
Shaking off the questions bubbling up in my mind, I put the kettle on again and chose the lemon and honey tea to make. I’d seen Luke make it for himself on the days his eyes got the haunted look in them, when they turned to smoky gray from their usual bright shade. He didn’t know I noticed when he was having a bad day, but I did. In the past few weeks, I’d started recognizing his tells pretty well.
When the tea was done, I grabbed some of his cookies to go with it and walked back into the living room. Luke was exactly where I’d left him, curled up into a corner of the couch, his eyes squeezed shut and his hands clutching the blanket tightly in his fists.
“Here, drink some tea. It’s honey and lemon.” He looked up at me then, though his face remained expressionless. He released the blanket slowly and took the cup from me, immediately taking a sip and closing his eyes. A shudder went through him, but when he opened his eyes, they looked a tad calmer, though they still had that haunted look, the dark circles underneath only highlighting his pain further.
I took a seat in the armchair, not wanting to crowd him. “Did something happen, Luke?” I asked softly, itching to touch him, to pull him into my arms and protect him from whatever demons haunted him, but I didn’t. He didn’t need that right now.
He looked at me again, and this time, I could see something in his eyes. Fear, anxiety, and something else.
He opened his mouth and then cleared his throat. He took another sip of his tea, closing his eyes. With his eyes still closed, he said, “I’m not usually that jumpy. Last night…I don’t know what happened.”
I chewed my lower lip, a habit I’d apparently picked up from him. I’d known something had happened to him. Something that had dulled the spark I saw more and more in his eyes. But what?
“I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d make some tea and read for a bit. I forgot...I forgot that you had a guest over. I would’ve stayed in my room if I’d remembered. I’m...I’m not so good with strangers.”
Did Dylan do something to him? My hands clenched into fists, and I wanted to ask, but I stopped myself. I needed to let him talk at his own pace, to take his time.
“I was looking for the tea, and then I felt him in the room. I turned off the kettle, thinking I’d just go to bed, but then…he was there. H-He grabbed me from behind, and I lost it. I was so scared. I pushed him away and grabbed the knife. I told him to stay away, and then he left...but I couldn’t move, and I just…” He drifted off with a shrug, and it took everything in me to stifle the anger. I pushed away the part of me that wanted to find Dylan and beat the shit out of him for doing that to Luke. But I’d deal with Dylan later. Right now, I needed to be there for Luke.
“I’m so sorry, Lu.” The nickname slipped out unintentionally, but I let it go, hoping he wouldn’t mind.
He frowned at me, shaking his head. “It’s not your fault.”
“But it is. I won’t let anyone stay here from now on. I promise. Mike can lend his own damn couch if he wishes.”
Luke shook his head again. “This is your home. You can do whatever you want.”
“This is yours too, Luke. And you should be able to feel safe in your home.”
Luke stared at me for a long moment, his posture stiffening as his eyes turned flat, and he whispered, his voice cool, calm and absolutely scary in its lack of emotions, “What do you want from me?”
My eyebrows scrunched together as I tried to figure out what he meant. “What do you mean?”
“Making me breakfast, spending all that time with me reading, caring for me.” He waved the teacup in emphasis. “Why are you doing all this? What do you want from me?” The matter-of-fact way he asked the question, as if he expected me to have an ulterior motive, hit me hard. My heart broke a little at the thought that this beautiful man had never had anyone care for him just for the sake of his well-being. That he expected everyone who did something nice for him to have a motive. What kind of hell had he survived through? What kind of hell was he still living in?
I couldn’t deny that it hurt a bit, though, that he thought that of me after all the time we’d spent together. Didn’t he know me by now? Didn’t he understand I wanted him to be happy because he was my friend? How could he think that about me?
“Luke.” My voice was rough, and I cleared my throat to push the lump away. “You’re my friend, whether you consider me yours or not. I don’t have any other motive than to want my friend to be happy,” I said with a shrug. I’d wanted to befriend him from the moment I met him. Sure, at first it had mostly been curiosity over this strange, beautiful man, but now that I knew him better, I wanted that companionship so much more. A part of me would’ve liked to be more, I imagined, but if friendship was all he could give me, then I’d take it happily.
He stared at me for a long moment, as if trying to figure out if I really meant it. I met his stare head-on, letting him see the honesty in mine. “You promise?”
I nodded. “I just want to be your friend, Luke. I promise.”
He nodded once as if satisfied with my answer and grabbed a cookie. He broke it in half and extended a piece toward me. “Friends, then.”
I smiled at him as I took the piece, nodding. “Friends.”
