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I trusted him enough to know he wasn’t lying. He’d wait for me. And if I was never ready, he’d be okay with that too. But was I ready for a relationship? Could I risk our friendship for it? I looked into his warm, slightly hopeful eyes, and I knew my answer.
Leaning up, I pressed my lips softly to his and whispered against them. “Okay.”
12
Scott
“Okay,”hesaid,hisvoice so soft, so trusting that I leaned back to look into his eyes. There was a softness in them, a warmth that darkened the gray of his eyes and reminded me of storm clouds, sparks like lightning shining through them. Gazing into their depths, I remembered a conversation we’d had months ago and the promise I’d made to him. The promise that I was now breaking.
Squeezing his hand, I lowered my gaze to our joined hands as I spoke, needing him to know that I hadn’t planned on breaking my promise, that I’d never do that to him.
“Luke, when you asked me what I wanted from you a few months ago, I told you I just wanted to be friends with you. I want you to know that I wasn’t lying. I’d never lie to you. At that time, I really had just wanted to be your friend. I don’t know when my feelings for you changed, but I swear I didn’t plan on it. I’m sorry I broke my pro—”
“Scott, you’re rambling.” There was a definite note of humor in his voice, which made me shut up almost instantly. “Look at me,” he said, repeating my words back to me.
Luke was smiling, a soft tilt to his lips, and his gray eyes were sparkling in that way I loved so much. If I had it my way, I’d make sure he always had that look in his eyes. “Scott, I know. If I hadn’t believed you, I’d have packed up and left that very hour. I don’t trust people easily, but I trusted you from the moment we met, from the moment you picked me as your roommate because of anAlice in Wonderlandquote. But the point is I trust you. I feel safe when I’m with you, and I’veneverfelt this safe before. So you’ve got nothing to worry about, okay?”
I nodded, speechless for a moment. I swallowed the lump in my throat before replying, “I always want you to feel safe with me, Luke. And I want you to tell me if you ever feel otherwise.”
“If I didn’t, do you think I’d have agreed to come to this cabin in the middle of nowhere with you?” His voice had a teasing lilt to it that made me smile. “Also, I really want to eat this delicious-looking breakfast before it goes cold.”
Luke grabbed the fork he’d dropped earlier and started on the scrambled eggs, staring pointedly at my plate until I did the same.
“Probably not,” I said, answering his earlier question, though I knew it was supposed to be rhetorical. But then I remembered last night and frowned. “But you had a nightmare last night. Was it because we’re here? We can go home today instead of tomorrow if you want.”
Luke shook his head, smile still in place as he took a sip of his coffee. “I woke up last night because I’d forgotten to take my sleep meds.”
“Sleep meds? But didn’t you tell me that you hate that stuff because it has side-effects?”
Luke shrugged and seemed to hesitate before answering. “Yeah. The meds help me sleep, but that also means that I won’t be able to wake up if I’m having nightmares. Back when I’d first gotten free, it was the only way I could get my body to rest and catch any sleep. Otherwise, I’d be exhausted, and that didn't help with work. But I soon realized that I’d rather stay tired all day than be stuck back in that hell all night, so I stopped taking them. I haven't had to take it the last few months because the nightmares were tolerable and not as frequent at home. I planned to take one last night, but I fell asleep before I could.”
My eyes widened in horror as I processed what he was saying. He'd basically had to spend all night stuck in a nightmare because that’s the only way he could catch sleep? How awful was that? I wished I could do something for him. I was glad he hadn’t taken the medicine last night, even if that had led to a nightmare. At least then he’d had the chance to wake up. He’d calmed down later and he’d slept pretty well after that, hadn’t he? Did having me hold him help him in some way? Was that why he’d slept well afterward? He did say that he felt safe with me but was that what had helped him sleep last night?
“You seemed to sleep fine later, on the couch,” I said cautiously, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. I could swear he blushed when I said that and then promptly focused on his breakfast. It was only after he’d finished that he looked at me again and the blush was still there, coloring his cheeks in a light, rosy hue.
“Uh, I’m not sure why that was,” he mumbled, and it was so different from his nervous mumble, with the blush coloring his cheeks, that it made me smile.
“Yeah? Well, I may have a theory about that,” I said as I grabbed the empty plates and stood up. The cabin didn’t come with a dishwasher, so I filled the sink with water and started washing up. Luke was there in a minute, grabbing the towel hanging by the sink. I washed, and he dried, and my eyes strayed again to those scars on his wrist. I hated this man who’d hurt him like this. How could such monsters exist in this world?
I shook off the dark thoughts, not wanting to dwell on Luke’s past so much that I lost sight of the present. “So what’s your theory, then?” Luke’s voice suggested he already had an idea as to what it could be.
I smiled as I washed my hands, before leaning against the counter so I was facing him. “Cuddling.”
He looked at me with one eyebrow raised and a skeptical look on his face. “Cuddling?”
I nodded seriously, though I was still smiling. “You know how you said you feel safe with me? Maybe you felt that safety when we fell asleep there, and it kept the nightmares away. Or maybe I'm just stretching it. I don't know."
“That sounds very…” He scrunched up his nose adorably, and I laughed.
“Cute? Sweet? Right?” I suggested, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from grinning.
“Cliché? Sappy? Cheesy?” he shot back, making a face.
“Maybe we need to test this theory to know its validity,” I suggested, my smile shifting to something softer. I did believe in the theory, not just because he’d slept soundly, but because I had too.
“Hmm...maybe we do.” Luke murmured, and I knew that even with his snarky comebacks, he liked the idea too.
Once we were done with the dishes, I decided to take a quick shower. But before that, I needed to do something, considering the weather was much warmer today and we’d be hiking all day.
