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“No need to apologize, honey. Tell me what you need.” Mama D’s voice turned firm as she spoke, but that warmth was still there.
“I...uh, you said you could help me when I felt like I didn’t…fit in?” My voice went high at the end, turning my statement into a question, and I chewed on my lower lip as I waited for her answer.
“Of course, sweetie. Is Brady still at the café?”
I nodded before remembering we were on call and answered, “Yeah, he won’t be back for another few hours, I think. Kasey took a day off, so he needs to be there to handle the morning rush.”
“Okay, don’t worry about him. Tell me what you’re feeling. What do you need help with? What can I do?”
I explained what I wanted, what was missing, as clearly as I could, wondering all the time if I even made any sense. When I was done, Mama D hummed in thought before speaking. “All right, so here’s what you’re going to do. Grab a bag. Pick the outfit you really want to wear right now and pack it. Wear your comfiest clothes, the baggy ones that feel like someone’s hugging you, you know?”
“Yeah,” I nodded, remembering the hoodies I’d stolen from my brother’s closet before I moved here. Even though he was younger than me, he was bigger, and his clothes dwarfed me pretty comfily.
“I’m texting you my address. Come over with that bag and I’ll help you out. Just tell me a few things before you end the call.” She asked me the color of my outfit, my size, and a few other things before she was satisfied. Once I’d ended the call, I followed her directions, feeling a smidgen better now that I had something to do. I just hoped that whatever Mama D did would make me feel like myself again.
I shuffled my feet as I rang the doorbell. The drive here had been short, and I’d spent the whole time wondering if this was a good idea. What if whatever Mama D had in mind didn’t help? Was I ready for the disappointment? Or what if it made the unease worse? What would I do then? Maybe I should’ve hid under the covers, blocked everyone out. It had worked so far, hadn’t it?
Even as I thought that, I knew I was lying to myself because I’d been absolutely miserable before. Especially on days like this one. But ever since I met Brady, I realized that I didn’t have to be. That thinking about myself and what I needed was okay.
The door opened, pulling me out of my thoughts, and I looked up as Mama D smiled at me. “Hey Charlie, come on in. Is it okay if I call you Charlie? Do you have another name, sweetie?”
I shook my head as I stepped into the hallway, and she closed the door behind me. “No, Charlie is fine, thank you.”
She led me into a spacious living room that looked homey and warm, just like the woman who lived here. Brown, comfy-looking couches were covered in pillows of all colors, a dark wooden coffee table set in the center. A big flatscreen was mounted on the wall above a cabinet that seemed to be full of DVDs.
“Can I hug you, Charlie?” Mama D asked, pulling me out of my observation. The fact that she’d asked instead of just hugging me like she’d done before told me she understood how I was feeling. I bit my lip, unsure how to decline without sounding bad, because with how off I felt right now, even the thought of someone touching me made me want to cringe.
She gave me a soft smile. “It’s okay, Charlie. I know we all have our own experiences, but I do understand how you feel. Now, let’s get to work. I have some things set out for you in the guest bedroom. Let me show you.”
I followed her as she led me up the stairs and down a hallway. I couldn’t help looking at all the pictures that adorned the walls as we walked. It took me only a moment to realize that all the people in the pictures were kids from Voice Out. Brady had told me Mama D considered them her children, but I hadn’t actually realized the depths of her love and commitment for them until now. The pictures showed kids from mid-teens to people in their thirties, all smiling widely as they chatted with her. Most of the pictures were candids, and I wondered who had managed to capture these moments so perfectly.
Mama D must’ve noticed my preoccupation because she came to a stop in front of a picture of none other than my very own boyfriend as he laughed at something Mama D must’ve said. The tips of his hair were fiery red in the picture, and he looked absolutely gorgeous. I forced myself to look away from the picture and found Mama D grinning at me. “Thought you’d like that one.” I blushed, ducking my head to hide the wide smile on my face.
“Who took these pictures? They’re beautiful.”
“That would be my dear husband, Ryan.”
“Oh!” I exclaimed, and I was sure the surprise was clear in my voice. I’d met Ryan a few times now, and he was a really kind man, perfect for Mama D.
She grinned at me as she resumed walking, and I rushed to stay by her side. “Why? Did you think you’re the only one who can bag herself a talented hottie, girlie?”
My heart fluttered at the nickname, and I smiled warmly at her despite the blush that stole across my cheeks at her teasing.
“All right, here we are. I don’t want to come in with you just yet because I think you might need a moment. But I’ll be right here if you want help with anything, so just call out to me, okay?”
I nodded before stepping into the room and closing the door behind me. I stared at the closed door for a few moments as the uncertainty swamped me again. I dropped my bag at my feet and took a deep breath, releasing it slowly as I gathered my courage. Turning around seemed like such a big step.
“You can do it,” I mumbled to myself and then turned before I could stop myself. My eyes zeroed in on the bed, and that’s where they stayed trained. I didn’t spare a glance to anything else as I made my way to the pieces of clothing Mama D had laid out for me. I swallowed hard as I extended a shaky hand and traced the edge of the padded bra with my fingertips. It was almost the same shade as my tan skin and softer than I’d thought it would be. I picked it up hesitantly and turned it this way and that as I examined it. I wasn’t sure if I’d like to wear it, but I wanted to try. The other thing Mama D had laid out was cotton panties in the same color. They were nothing like the lacy stuff I’d bought before; they were just simple underwear.
I laid them both back down before removing my clothes. I struggled with the bra for a few moments before managing to snap it shut. It fit perfectly. I switched my boxer briefs with the panties, keeping my eyes squeezed shut as I did. I’d already pulled out the clothes I’d brought with myself, so I quickly slipped the dress—the one with the V-split on the front that I’d been wearing when Brady had kissed me for the first time ever—over my head. I glanced down at myself, and my heart fluttered yet again when I saw my full chest. I knew it was just the bra, but I still felt so much better. I grabbed the shorts that went with the dress and pulled them on, too. I realized just as I was closing the bag that I’d also packed the pink bracelet Brady had gotten me, and I put that on with a smile.
It was only when I was done that I realized there were no mirrors in the room. Though there was a table in the corner that held an unopened bottle of body lotion that I assumed was also for me. I removed the seal and uncapped it, smiling at the faint cocoa scent. I pumped some into my palms before rubbing it onto my arms, loving how they made my skin feel so much softer. I did the same with my legs before putting the bottle away. Without thinking too much about it, I walked over to the door and opened it.
Mama D looked up from where she’d been leaning against the wall across the hallway, and her face lit up with a big smile as she looked me over. “Oh, Charlie, you look beautiful, sweetheart.”
I blushed, tucking my hair behind my ears as I wondered if she really meant that. I already did feel much better, even though not much had changed. But even a simple thing like putting on a bra under my clothes made me feel more like myself than I had all morning.
“Come on, we’re not done yet,” Mama D said, and my brows went up in surprise as I rushed to follow her. She led me to another bedroom, and I knew as soon as I stepped in that it was hers. There was one full wall dedicated to pictures of Mama D and her husband. There was another woman in some of them who appeared to be their age. Maybe a close friend or a sibling?
