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The moment we stepped into Charlie’s place, I pulled her into a tight hug as Cherry danced around our feet, excited to have us back home. I’d dropped her off here before heading to Mama D’s so I could spend the whole day with Charlie without worrying about having to leave.
“I’m so fucking proud of you, princess,” I said, the endearment slipping out of my mouth with no input from my brain.
Charlie pulled away to look at me, though her arms stayed firmly wrapped around me. “Princess?”
The soft smile told me she liked the nickname so I ran with it, glad I hadn’t messed up yet again. “Yep. Now, before I forget!” I pulled my phone out of my pocket and quickly turned on the selfie camera. For the past few months, I’d made it my mission to log every one of Charlie’s outfits into pictures. I wasn’t really sure what I would do with them, but I felt like it was important to log her journey in a way that we could look back on.
“Smile for me, princess,” I said, and wow, did she ever smile. If I hadn’t already known I was in love with her, I’d know now.
“Hey, you wanna see something beautiful?” I asked as we made our way to the kitchen area. I hadn’t forgotten the growl Charlie’s stomach had made, and I intended to feed her.
Charlie looked at me with a raised brow, completely oblivious to what I was talking about. So I held up the phone—which was still open on the selfie camera app—and turned it so it was facing her.
I watched as red seeped up her cheeks, and she shot me a mock glare, shaking her head. “I wish you would stop sometimes.”
“Only when you stop being so irresistibly adorable.” Charlie blushed harder, so I moved in until I was pressed right up against her and whispered in her ear, “So. Damn. Adorable.”
Before she could react, I slid away from her and started getting things out of the pantry. Over the past few months—thanks to Charlie—I’d gotten pretty good at cooking. Some days, I could even help Charlie out at the café, though that usually entailed just prep work.
We chatted aimlessly as we cooked, and I wondered what it would be like if we could do this everyday. Wake up together, work together, come back home together. Live together.
I knew it had been just six months since I met Charlie, but the last six months had been the absolute best of my life. I couldn’t deny that Charlie was perfect for me in every sense, and though I had yet to admit it to her, I couldn’t deny that I was very much in love with her.
I wasn’t really sure why I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. Was it because I wasn’t sure she felt the same? Or was it because I wasn’t used to talking about things like love and feelings?
My parents—though rational and highly intelligent people—weren’t the most tactile or expressive people on the planet. If you saw the three of us together, you’d never guess I was their son, even though I had my dad’s eyes and my mom’s hair and stature. They loved me, I knew they did, but they’d never really said the words or expressed their love in any of the common ways. No hugs, no shoulder pats, no cheek kisses.
The last time I’d met them was when I’d taken over Bean Yourself. They’d been proud of me, or at least I liked to believe so because they never came out and said it. Other than a call on Christmas, we barely ever talked. And I didn’t mind, not really, but sometimes I wished they’d done something to show me that they loved me. That they cared.
Was that why I couldn’t say it, then? Because I didn’t know how to?
I shook off the thoughts with a sigh. I’d think about it later. Or better yet, I’d gather up the courage to finally confess to Charlie what I felt for her. Soon.
After a hearty late lunch of mashed potatoes, chicken, and leftover pasta, we settled ourselves on the couch and watched a movie as Cherry splayed herself across our laps like she’d made a habit of doing, belly up and demanding pets. We petted her tiny belly as we watched, and I smiled every time Charlie’s fingers somehow ended up tangled with mine. Since meeting Charlie, I’d read up a lot on gender identity and dysphoria, and everything I’d read told me this was all Charlie might want for now, lying together, cuddling, maybe a bit of kissing, and honestly, that sounded as heavenly as making love with Charlie did. I knew everyone experienced it differently, though, and I had no plans of pushing Charlie for anything she wasn’t comfortable with.
As the credits started rolling, Charlie turned to look down at me with a slight frown marring her beautiful face. “Brady, can I ask you something? Will you promise to answer honestly?”
I gave her a puzzled look even as I nodded, and she blew out a breath and squared her shoulders as she asked, “Do you like me…like this? Find me attractive, I mean.” She looked so unsure, so…insecure at the moment, and I couldn’t believe this topic hadn’t come up in conversation before.
I sat up on my knees and took her face in my palms. Leaning up, I pressed a soft kiss on her lips before pulling back to look into her big baby blues. “Charlie, I can’t believe this hasn’t come up before, but yes, of course. You’re gorgeous, no matter what you wear or what your gender is. I told you I’m pansexual, right? Gender doesn’t matter to me. I fall in love with a person’s heart, their personality. And you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever come across. You’re kind, sweet, gentle, and so caring. Of course I love you.”
Charlie gasped softly, and it took me a minute to realize what I’d said. Okay, so I was confessing now. Thanks for the heads up, brain!
I gave Charlie a soft smile and shrugged. “I love you, Charlie De Luca. I’ve known it for a while, and this wasn’t how I planned to tell you. Well, technically, I hadn’t had a plan yet, but now you know.”
“I…” Charlie started, and I could see it in her eyes that she wasn’t there yet. I didn’t want her to say anything she didn’t want to. I was willing to wait.
“I didn’t say I love you to hear it back. I would’ve used one of those cat apps if that’s what I wanted. I said it to make sure you know. I want you to know that you mean the world to me, all right?”
Charlie nodded before leaning forward and kissing me. I sighed into the kiss, soaking up her warmth and hoping that someday—hopefully soon, but as I said, I was all too ready to wait as long as she needed—she would feel the same about me.
“Let’s head to bed, shall we?” I asked as I pulled back, and Charlie gave me a small, hopeful smile.
“You’re staying the night?”
I nodded, but then added in case she wanted some alone time, “But only if you want me to.”
Charlie gave me a look that I translated to ‘Don’t be an idiot,’ and I grinned as I stood up. I turned off the TV, and we headed into the bedroom. Charlie was still dressed in the clothes she’d worn at Mama D’s, and I wore my work clothes too. I had a bunch of outfits at Charlie’s place, so I figured I’d find something to wear. Charlie, on the other hand, looked unsure, and I realized she wouldn’t be able to sleep with the bra on, which meant she probably didn’t want to sleep shirtless like she usually did.
