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Since she didn’t seem to know what to do, I took initiative and rummaged through her closet until I found a few hoodies in the back that were too big to be hers. I wondered whose they were even as I pulled one of them out and grabbed a pair of pajama pants before turning to her.
“How about you get changed and then we can cuddle in bed, yeah?” I handed her the clothes without another word, and the grateful look in her eyes made me lean up and kiss her jaw. She gave me a soft smile before turning around and walking into the bathroom to change. I wished I could help her feel more comfortable, but I knew I was doing everything I could practically. Though I still hated that she had to hurt.
I shook my head, and my eyes snagged on the duffel bag Charlie had brought with her. I grabbed it and threw the jeans in the laundry basket before I came upon another hoodie. It was so soft and comfy that I couldn’t help rubbing the fabric against my cheek. It smelled like the fruity body wash I’d bought for Charlie and like her.
Decision made, I slipped out of my clothes and donned the hoodie, chuckling when it fell just above my knees. Making sure Cherry had enough water and food, I slid into the bed and waited for Charlie to come out.
The bathroom door opened after a few minutes, and Charlie stepped out. Her makeup had been washed off; her hair hung open, the curls framing her face. Her body was swamped in the over-large hoodie, and I could see that it helped. Thank god for that.
“Hey, princess, ready for bed?”
Charlie looked up at me, a smile on her face that quickly turned into a grin as she looked me over. “What are you wearing?”
I shrugged, pushing the sleeves behind my wrist so I could extend my hand to her. “It was comfy and smelled like you.”
Charlie scrambled onto the bed with a grin and snuggled in beside me. I sighed softly, my fingers sinking into her hair and playing with the curls as we lay in a comfortable silence. I loved Charlie’s hair. It was so soft, and the curls were all bouncy and adorable.
“Are you okay?” I asked her after a few minutes.
“I think so,” she said in a low whisper, and I looked up at her, meeting her deep blue eyes as she continued, “I mean, this is the first time I got to present the way I felt. Before, I’d just bury myself in blankets and tell everyone I was sick. It was awful. I still feel itchy and slightly wrong, I guess, but this helps. Today helped a lot. And you help a lot. Thank you so much. I’m not ready to say the words yet, but I care about you a lot, Brady. You’re the best thing in my life.”
I smiled up at her and pressed a kiss on her collarbone because I didn’t want to pull away. Meeting her eyes again, I let her see all the love in mine as I said, “You’re the best thing in my life too.”
Cherry woofed from her dog bed in the other room, and I chuckled. “Yes, Cherry. You’re the best thing in my life, too. Don’t be jealous, sweet girl.”
Charlie laughed as she squeezed me to her and sighed in contentment as I sank into her warm embrace. I was pretty sure this was exactly what heaven felt like.
“The hoodies we’re wearing? They’re my brother’s. I swiped them before I came here,” Charlie admitted after a few minutes of silence, her voice soft as she buried her face in my hair.
“Damn, how big is he?”
Charlie chuckled in my hair as she spoke, “Pretty big. He’s a cuddly bear, more than anything.”
I smiled at the thought. The love Charlie had for her brother was clear in her voice, and it prompted me to ask, “Have you told him yet?”
Charlie sighed wearily before pulling her face away so she could look at me. “No, I haven’t. I’m scared, Brady. He’s the only family I have left. I don’t want to lose him. I love him too much.”
“I understand, sweetheart. And I’ll support you regardless, but you should know that he’s not the only family you have now. Mama D, Luke, Scott, Angie, and me, we’re all your family too. You’ll never, ever be alone again. I promise.”
Charlie’s eyes flooded with tears, and she buried her face in my hair again. I could feel the fine tremors running through her body, so I pulled her closer, whispering comforting words as I rubbed her back. “Thank you. I will tell him soon, I promise.”
But in the end, it didn’t matter at all. And it was all my fault.
19
Charlie
Twoweekslater,Iwas back to feeling like I was somewhere in the middle of the gender spectrum. The last two weeks had been different, for sure, but so much better than all the times before. I’d even managed to go out with Brady, even though it had just been to Voice Out. It was still such a big step for me, and I couldn’t help but feel proud of myself for the achievement.
Just when I’d thought things between me and Brady couldn’t get better, he’d told me he loved me. I still had a hard time believing that. Brady was so bright, so beautiful, and I was nothing like him in comparison. And yet he loved me. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe him—I could see the love and care clear as day in his eyes every time I looked at him—it was just that it was difficult for me to believe that someone could really love me, me with my fluid gender and all the complications it entailed. But then again, wasn’t it what had brought us together in the first place? Would I have even met Brady or caught his attention if I’d been just another normal man or woman?
I wanted to tell Brady that I loved him because I did. But I didn’t want to just blurt it out to him—even though I’d loved it when he’d done the same. I wanted to do it sometime special, but I couldn’t figure out when.
I focused on getting the last of the dishes served as I thought about what I could make for dinner tonight. Maybe some of Brady’s favorite Spaghetti Carbonara? I tried to remember if I had all the necessary ingredients for it and groaned when I realized that I didn’t. Something else, then.
Someone bumped into me, almost spilling the food I’d been serving, and I looked up with a glare, realizing it was one of the part-time baristas. Dave? Dane?
Whatever his name was, he rolled his eyes at me, and I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only one who heard his loud mumble of “Fucking fairy,” as he walked past. I bit my lip as I set the plate, wondering what I was supposed to do now. I’d known there would be people like him in the world, but I’d never expected them here, at a place that was supposed to be safe. Hadn’t Brady told me he only hired people from Voice Out? There was no way this man belonged to the community.
