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“Perhaps I’m willing to hurt us both. I told myself when I met you that you were a predator. And I felt nervous. As if I were prey. But I never behaved like prey, did I? And I won’t behave like it now.”
“Riot,” he said, his voice rough. “I want to possess you. And that is the truth of it. I have from the moment I saw you.”
“I want to possess you,” she said. “You were the most beautiful man I had ever seen.”
“But you can’t.”
“Can’t I?”
She moved toward him, and pressed her body against him, and she could feel the evidence of his desire for her pushing against the front of his slacks. “You want me, and you cannot help yourself. Was there another woman? In all the time I was away from you?”
She would accept the answer, whatever it was, but the idea of him touching another woman made her see red.
“No,” he said. “I have not been with another woman since the first time I laid eyes on you.”
“So I have you already, don’t I? You came for me. Even though you said you didn’t want a child. You came for me. What made you change your mind?”
“I didn’t want her,” he said, his voice jagged. “I simply knew... I thought that you didn’t want her.”
It angered her to hear him say that. She knew it was...she knew where it came from. That it triggered deep pain from his childhood. But it still wounded her. “You know now that I do, and you still married me. You still want to keep us. You want to keep us together, you just want to keep us at arm’s length...”
“It isn’t that I want to, it’s simply that it’s how it is. It’s how I feel.”
“You lie. But not most especially to me. Most especially to yourself. You lie to us both.”
“Are you here to screw me, or are you here to talk?”
“We can do that if you’d like,” she said. “That’s what we did. A lot of it. Though...sometimes I was making love.”
“I never was. I never am.”
He was pushing her away. She could see that. He never knew what he wanted, and she could see that too. He wanted her close and the minute it was too much, he broke.
She didn’t want to allow it, not now.
“And that’s why you care so much for my pleasure.”
“Why don’t you stop talking,” he said. “And see to mine.”
A surge of power filled her, and she recognized her choice in this. That she wanted to do this. That she wanted to use his desire for her against him.
Her feelings were not simple. Because her anger at him was still there.
It was just there was more than that. And for all that he said he couldn’t feel his emotions, she felt them all.
She was overwhelmed by them. Rage, desire, need, and love. Still love.
She hadn’t ever wanted this. Something so messy. She had her fill of difficult people. And yet somehow this was different. Because he wasn’t detached from her.
Her mother would go in and out of her life on a whim. Her friends had done the same. But he couldn’t. He’d married her. Whatever he said, he had married her. He had taken steps to keep her with him forever, and that was different. He was different. And so... She was willing to take this on.
She wanted to.
She sank to her knees in front of him, working the belt on his pants, opening them, revealing that glorious, hard length of him.
She had always thought him beautiful.
She loved his naked body.
