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‘How do you feel about going home?’
And unlike when Suzanne or others had asked the inevitable question, he waited for her to gather her thoughts before responding.
‘Tired,’ Maggie admitted. ‘I feel wonderful after such an extended holiday and I’m all relaxed, but when I think about going home...’ She thought some more. ‘As much as I’m looking forward to seeing everyone, I’m tired at the thought of starting over again.’
‘In what way?’
‘Well, I’ll stay on Flo’s sofa while I find somewhere to live. She has a tiny flat so it will only be temporary. I’d love my own place but I can’t see that ever happening so it will mean finding a flat-share and then getting to know new flatmates...’
‘Like when you are travelling?’
Maggie thought about it for a moment and then nodded. ‘It actually feels a lot like that, but without the fun of a holiday.’
‘Who raised you after your mother died?’
‘I had a lot of temporary carers. Some were for longer than others. It’s harder to place older children,’ she explained. ‘I was with a couple of families for long-term placements but they didn’t work out.’
‘Why didn’t they work out?’
Maggie stretched and went to get up—she really didn’t like to dwell on those days—but he pulled her back in so she rested on his chest and he asked the question again.
Usually he asked no questions in the bedroom, but for some reason he was curious about Maggie.
‘The first was a year or so after my mother died. I was there for a few months, but then the marriage broke up and they...’ She gave a tense shrug. ‘I doubt, with their marriage crumbling, that access to me was high on their priorities.’
‘And the other home?’
Maggie never spoke of it and she wasn’t sure that she was ready to now.
Even Flo didn’t know, and they discussed most things. Maggie tended to gloss over that time.
It simply hurt too much to go into detail, even in her own thoughts.
His arm was holding her, though; her head was on his chest and he was stroking her hair. There was patience in the air and she wondered if now she could share it.
‘I had just started high school. I lived in a care home and was doing okay when I was told that there was a possible family interested in a long-term placement, possibly adoption.’
‘When you say “doing okay”, what do you mean?’
‘I was happy enough,’ Maggie said. ‘I liked my new school and the carers were nice and, since I’d lost my mother, it was probably the most stable time I’d known. Anyway, this family seemed nice. They had three sons and I used to go there some weekends and then for longer on holidays.’ Maggie thought back. ‘It felt like I was on trial. Diane wanted a daughter and that was going to be me. She wanted someone who was going to go and get her nails done with her and go clothes shopping and things. Well, we went shopping and she said she couldn’t wait till the holidays and we’d go to the movies...’
Maggie fell silent as she gathered her thoughts and she liked it that he didn’t push her to speak.
‘I’ve never liked the movies.’ She admitted what she hadn’t been able to tell Diane at the time. ‘But I went. And she made all the big promises...’
‘Like?’
‘Like, when I moved in I could decorate my bedroom how I wanted to and that we’d get a puppy.’
‘Did she follow through?’
‘Oh, yes.’ Maggie nodded. ‘I moved in and we did up the bedroom and then we went and chose him. A little Scottie dog and we called him Patch. I started my new school...’
‘Another new school?’ he checked, and Maggie nodded.
‘How was life then?’
Ilyas could not guess or know, yet he wanted to hear it exactly.
