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And even when she received a call-back to say she had made it onto the TV show, her elation was tempered by the bleak space in her heart that he had left behind.
Even her best friend, Naomi, back home in England, noticed it.
‘You don’t sound as thrilled as I thought you would,’ Naomi said when Merida called her with the news about the television part.
‘Of course I am,’ Merida said, and pushed her voice into an upbeat tone. ‘Filming is Wednesday night...’
‘Night?’
‘I walk across the bridge, and then they find my body in Central Park at night,’ Merida said. Naomi laughed. ‘And then I have two days in the studio the following week.’
‘Have you told your boss at the gallery?’
‘He wasn’t thrilled that I’m taking more time off.’ Merida sighed. ‘I think I’m going to have to give in my notice. He wants me to do another private tour on Saturday night when he knows I’ve gotNear Miss.’
‘You need the regular work, though.’
‘I know I do, but it was always supposed to be a fall-back for my acting—not the other way around.’
‘Well, think long and hard before you give it away.’
‘I shall.’
‘Merida?’ Naomi checked. ‘Are you sure that everything’s okay?’
‘Of course it is,’ Merida attempted, but then her voice cracked.
‘Merida...?’
‘I met someone.’
And she told her the whole sorry story.
Well, not thewholestory. She didn’t reveal his name, and she left Naomi to work out the intimate details, it was enough for her to say it had been wonderful. She told her friend about the next morning, how they had got on so well. And that while in hindsight, yes, it had clearly been a one-night stand...
‘It felt like a lot more at the time,’ Merida admitted. ‘I thought he felt the same.’
‘Merida,’ Naomi said gently. ‘How long has it been since you saw him?’
‘Two weeks—but he doesn’t know my cell-phone number...’
‘He clearly knows where you work,’ Naomi pointed out. ‘And, given that you went back to your apartment to get changed, he also knows where you live.’
‘Yes.’
‘And he hasn’t made any effort to get in touch?’
‘No.’
That said it all, really.
* * *
Merida had done all she could to put it behind her. To chalk it up toinexperience as she swore never to be so foolish again.
And now she stood on the bridge, under lights to mimic the moon in a dark Central Park as the clapperboard snapped. The hotel where she and Ethan had spent that magical night was there in the background, but it was easy to put her head down and ignore it as she walked hurriedly on. It hurt too much to think about that night.
It was an agony that did not abate.
