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‘I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t know if I can really forgive him.’
Oh, God, why was this so hard? Annie took his hand and urged him into action. ‘Even if you can’t forgive him in this lifetime, you at least need to be with him.’
‘What he did was so wrong.’
‘I know, or I think I know—but right now it isn’t morphine your dad needs, it’s his sons, and there aren’t enough hours left in his life to solve everything. But you know as well as I do that if you don’t go in there and, right or wrong, tell him that you love him, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life.’
‘Even if I don’t respect him—even if what he did sickens me...’
‘Yes!’ She wasn’t even trying to be professional now. Tears were coursing down her cheeks as she begged him to get what she was just realizing for herself. ‘Because people make mistakes, they do the most terrible, unforgivable things, but it doesn’t mean you don’t love them.’ And that was the truth, because even if she loathed what he had made her, even if it was hard to love herself right now, she still lovedhim—remote, distant, cheat that he might be. But some of his behavior could be explained by his confession and she silently swore that never again would she be so quick to judge things on appearances only.
Staring down at him, she couldn’t not reach over and kiss him—couldn’t not take away a bit of his pain, even if it added to hers—a slow, unhurried kiss because it was going nowhere, a kiss that tasted of pain that could be dissolved for a second. His tongue stroking hers, chasing away for a moment or two all their regrets. ‘Go out and be with your dad.’
He didn’t nod or say yes, but when Annie stood up so did he.
‘Look after my brother and his wife,’ he said as he took a big breath before following her out.
‘Look after yourself!’
Deathwashorrible.
Expected or sudden—nothing could truly prepare you for loss. But Annie tried. Tried to be strong with this tortured family.
‘He waited for you.’
Nina, Ivan’s wife, spoke as Levander came in with his wife and baby—those devilish good looks that had graced many a magazine and bedside table still apparent despite the hellish pain etched on his features, his arm wrapped tightly around his wife.
And Annie vowed again she’d try to judge less— realized that you never really knew what went on in others’ lives.
She’d read about Levander Kolovsky’s exploits in the past—had giggled at his playboy ways. Had always assumed he was an emotional lightweight—a spoilt rich boy who’d grown into a spoilt rich man.
Aleksi guided them to the bedside. And Iosef had been right, because though his twin looked the same, spoke the same, and was to everyone else a carbon copy of his twin, itwasn’tIosef.
Iosef was the one she watched as Levander hugged his father. Thick words were spoken, and it didn’t matter that it was in Russian, because anyone present could hear the love and regret with each hoarse word. Later, close to crying herself, but with Iosef’s instructions drilled into her mind, when Levander’s wife Millie started to get restless and it looked as if at any second she might either explode or collapse, Annie took the tiny baby from the fragile-looking woman and guided her to the empty plastic chairs outside.
‘He’s just had morphine. He isn’t in any pain now...’ Annie explained.
‘Lucky him, then!’ The venom that shot from Millie caught them both by surprise, her eyes widening in horror at her own caustic words, her hand shooting over her mouth as she started to cry. ‘I’m sorry. You don’t need this...’
‘It’s OK,’ Annie said gently.
‘No, it’s not.’ Millie shook her head. ‘I’m trying so hard to be strong for Levander, I know he looks like he’s OK, but he’s bleeding inside. I’ve known this day was coming for ages, I just don’t think I can stay in there and make the right noises.’ Pale lips shivered out words. ‘I hate what he did to Levander and I hate that woman more.’
‘Nina?’
‘I don’t want to go into it.’ She shook her head. ‘Ican’tgo into it.’
‘You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to.’ Annie said. ‘Just tell me what you want to do.’
‘I don’t think I can be nice. Maybe tomorrow, maybe when it’s over, but I really don’t think I can go in there and listen to Ivan absolve himself.’
‘So stay here, then,’ Annie said patiently—and the time she was taking with Millie, the words she was saying, really had nothing to do with Iosef’s plea to take care of his brother and wife. Families fraught with tension, the end of an imperfect life and the fallout for everyone, was something Annie was only too used to dealing with.
‘I should be there for Levander.’
‘Whether you’re standing with him or not, youarethere for Levander—he knows that. It might make it easier on him if he doesn’t have to worry about you getting upset.’
‘Do you think so?’
