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I glanced around the cab of the truck, then at the scenery outside.
“What the fuck is going on? Where the hell am I? And why are you driving?”
She chuckled, causing me to look over at her. “You haven’t changed a bit, have you?”
“No, I haven’t. Seriously, what’s going on and how are you here? Am I dreaming?”
I continued taking in my surroundings, and the scenery that passed by the window, before I looked back at my wife. The realization that I was in the presence of my wife again almost made my heart explode over me. Reaching over, I pushed her hair back from her face so that I could see her fully. Her skin felt so warm, soft, alive, but that wasn’t possible, couldn’t be possible.
“I’ve missed you,” I confessed softly.
She smiled that smile that I loved so much. “I’ve missed you too, deeply. I’m sorry I had to leave you.”
“Yeah, I’m still pissed about that by the way.”
She glanced over at me and laughed. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”
Dropping my hand from her face, I asked, “MJ, what’s going on? How is this happening? You said I’m not dead.”
“No, you’re not. You’re still among the living.”
“Then tell me what’s going on? And where in the fuck am I?”
I could feel my control slipping. I hated surprises, hated not knowing shit, and she knew that. Yet she continued to drive down a quiet, unknown street that seemed somewhat familiar. As if I’d been down this street before. After a second or two of silence, she pulled over in front of this beautiful two-story brick home at the end of the cul-de-sac. She put the truck in park but kept the engine running. The home was beautiful from the outside, with various shades of brown brick, accented with white stones thatcovered the front of the house. I approved of the landscaping in the front of the house as well. The grass looked green, thick; the bushes were neatly trimmed.
I felt proud of what I was looking at, as if I had done the work myself.
I felt some type of connection to the house too, as if it was more familiar than I thought. Was this my house? I laughed at that thought. There was no way this house belonged to me, but as I spoke those words to myself, I couldn’t fight the feeling of contentment, of peace as I studied the two-story structure.
“I know you have questions swimming in your head, and I would love to answer them, but that’s not the reason I’m here.”
“Ok, I’m listening,” I encouraged, my eyes remaining on the house through the window.
“I wanted you to know that I’m okay. And that it’s okay to let go of me.”
I slowly turned to face her, my heart picking up its pace. “What do you mean?”
She reached across the armrest and laced her fingers with mine. Her touch felt foreign to me. So much so, I almost snatched my hand away, which shocked me. I never reacted like that to her touch before. I’ve always welcomed it, needed it. Now I don’t know, it didn’t feel right touching her, as if it was wrong somehow.
I gazed into her deep blue eyes. She was just as beautiful as I’d remembered. Long, thick, black hair, high cheekbones, sun-kissed skin. I remembered every time when I used to look into her eyes, this desperate need to claim her, to taste her, would come over me, especially when we were alone. I used to feel the same when we weren’t alone, but I managed to contain myself. All bets were off when we were by ourselves. I would devour her every time, carrying her to our bedroom, or in the backseat of my truck if we were out, and I’d have my fill of her.
Things were different now, much to my surprise. I didn’t have that overwhelming feeling to kiss her, to taste her lips again now that she was here. I actually felt as if I was betraying someone, but I couldn’t put my finger on who that was.
MJ’s smile broadened, knowingly, as if she knew exactly what I was thinking and had the answer to my thoughts.
“Listen, I wanted you to know how much I love you. You were the best part of my life.”
I opened my mouth to respond, to tell her that I felt the same way, but she held up a hand, stopping me.
“No, please. Let me finish. You meant the world to me. My world centered on you. I breathed you, lived for you. I loved you with everything in me. You were my lifeline, my lifetime.” The smile on her face caused my heart to break, along with the unshed tears in her eyes.
I covered our hands with my free one and squeezed, my heart bleeding for her. “And you were mine,” I confessed, but she shook her head.
“I don’t think that’s true.”
I tensed and sat up, pulling my hands away from hers. “What do you mean? Are you saying you think I didn’t love you?”
“Oh goodness, no. I’m not saying that at all. I knew you loved me. You loved me with all of your heart. I knew that and felt it.”
