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I feel tears prick my eyes just at the thought. “They live far off the main road. Ravis won’t find their city on his march over here!”
“And what about after? When people start settling and expanding and exploring? They may be safe for now, but what about after everything has been taken?”
“Temra, we can’t do anything.” I think I might be begging now. “Come with me. Let’s get our money out of the bank in Lirasu, and then we’ll go. Anywhere safe.”
“I can’t. I’ve sworn my allegiance to the prince. He’s accepted me into the ranks of his men. I’m a soldier, and I belong here now. Even if I wanted to go anywhere, I couldn’t.”
“You didn’t!”
“I did.”
Now the angry tears start to fall, my attempts at packingforgotten. “What can you do! There’s an army, Temra. How have you forgotten that?”
“We’re not fighting them. We’re negotiating, and if need be, holing up in the castle walls until Ravis runs out of food and money. Then he’ll return home. That’s how we save everyone. I can guard the walls. Keep watch at night to ensure no one sneaks through.”
I don’t even have words now. What she’s saying is so preposterous. It’s foolishness and stupidity, and my parents are rolling over in their graves right now knowing what a terrible job I’ve done protecting my sister.
“You can help, too,” Temra adds. “Use your gift.”
“No,” I nearly shout. I’m almost as surprised by my negative outburst as Temra. “My gift is too dangerous. What if I make Skiro’s men magical weapons and then Skiro gets greedy and decideshewants to conquer? Making weapons for powerful people has never gone over well for me. I can’t do it. I almost destroyed the world once. I can’t do it again. It’s bad enough that several of Ravis’s men carry my weapons.”
“Don’t make world-dominating weapons, then. Just make us blades that will give us an edge, like you did while trying to placate Ravis. If word spreads that the magical smithy is aiding Skiro, more people will flock to his territory. We can build the forces to take a stand against Ravis in the future. We can do some real good here.”
“And if Ravis captures me again? If he takes you and hurts you to force me to build more weapons for him and make him truly unstoppable?”
“I’ll kill myself before I ever allow him to use me like that.”
“Temra!” I say in utter horror. “You can’t mean that.”
“I do, but that’s the absolute worst-case scenario. It won’tcome to that, Ziva. We will get you out of the palace if things grow desperate.”
“You want to save the world. You’re addicted to thrills and adventure, and that’s only going to get you killed.”
“Then at least I die living. I’ll die protecting something I believe in.”
“You’re so fanciful. Thinking about glory in death. How did you get this way?”
She levels me with an unwavering stare. “My sister raised me to be my own person. She taught me to love who I am and to fight for the things I want. I’m proud of how I turned out.”
I leave the room without another word, because what can I possibly say to that?
A servant shows me to my own rooms at my request, and I promptly lock myself inside.
But for some reason, I don’t feel any better.
I’ve been craving this. A space in which I can be totally alone. A place where I can feel like myself and not worry about anyone else.
Instead, I feel sick.
Selfish.
Lonely instead of alone.
Is my desire to keep myself away from Ravis selfish? Is my need to protect the world from what I can do just an excuse I’m giving to hide true cowardice, as Temra suggested?
I’m not brave like her. I run from trouble. I hide until it passes. I like feeling safe. I crave feeling safe.
What am I supposed to do when my little sister throws herself into harm’s way on purpose? I can’t control her. I can’t make her see reason.
