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Something about me was different. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, though.
I looked good. Practically glowing. My hair was mussed up, sure, but it kept falling in a super glam way. I inspected my neck closely for any signs of love bites but found none. Jesse was far too careful and considerate a man to leave marks. Deep down, however, it was kind of a letdown to see I had none. If Molly knew about this little dalliance, she’d tease me relentlessly.
I froze.
Molly.
Guilt ate away at me, gnawing at my heart.
How could I feel alright about all this? Here I was enjoying myself when she was out there somewhere, alone and afraid.
I scuttled out of Jesse’s bedroom in a hurry, heading to the living room. I found him sitting on the couch. His laptop, much to my surprise, was nowhere in sight. Maybe he was finally taking a day off. He was reading a good old-fashioned newspaper, his reading glasses nestled on the bridge of his nose.
I cleared my throat, not wanting to startle him.
When Jesse looked up, he smiled. “You’re up,” he observed.
“Yeah.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Good, I guess?”
Jesse patted the couch cushion beside him. I obediently walked over and took a seat to his right.
“That was fun.”
“It was.”
I sighed. “Is this the part where you tell me we’re not going to do it again?”
Jesse nodded gravely. “It is. I know that’s probably not what you want to hear, but we really can’t do that again.”
“Because of Wally?”
He shifted uncomfortably. “One of the reasons, yes.”
On some level, I could understand. It was difficult not to compare them to one another during, and it was especially difficult not to compare them now that I wasn’t otherwise occupied. Wally was sweet and caring, but Jesse took those concepts and raised them to an entirely new level.
He knew what he was doing. He knew what he wanted. He knew whatIwanted even when I didn’t. It was amazing, and a little voice in the back of my head was cheering for a repeat.
“You didn’t regret it, did you?” I asked because my brain apparently didn’t have the benefit of an off switch. “Us…” I gestured vaguely between us.
“No, Vivian. I don’t regret it.”
“Then why can’t we do it again?”
Jesse folded his newspaper and set it aside, removing his reading glasses. “First and foremost, it’s a conflict of interest. Getting involved with you could put you at risk. In order to be able to do my job properly, I can’t afford any distractions. Growing attached could compromise the decisions I make when it comes to your safety.”
I hated to hear it, but I knew Jesse was right. He spoke with such clarity and sound logic that it was impossible to argue. “And Wally was the second reason?”
Jesse nodded. “What do you think’s going to happen if he finds out about us?”
“He’d be upset.”
“I’d rather avoid that conversation. What we did… It was a one-off, alright? It’s better this way.”
I huffed. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting when I gave in to my baser desires. To make matters worse, something new was bubbling just beneath the surface. Was it terrible of me that I only found Jesse that much sexier now that I knew he was off-limits? Why did I desire him more now that he’d drawn the line in the sand? I was obviously going to respect his decision, butdamnif I wasn’t already hooked.
