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That was the job.
Chapter 21
Vivian
Ididn’t know what upset me more: the fact that Jesse was suturing his own wound at the kitchen table, or the fact that he refused to even look at me.
I sat across from him, squirming in my seat, not because his at-home surgery was freaking me out, but because it looked painful, and he wouldn’t let me come anywhere near to help.
Jesse winced as he applied antiseptic.
I reached out to him. “Please, just let me—”
“No.”
It was difficult to breathe past the sticky lump lodged at the back of my throat. I hadn’t been able to stop shivering since we got back. I wasn’t cold, just nervous. My body couldn’t tell the difference.
He winced again while trying to apply his own bandage. No surprise. Conducting medical care with one hand was difficult to begin with. Being both doctor and patient was an added complication.
“Please,” I said firmly. “Just let me do it.”
The muscles in Jesse’s jaw tightened. He turned away slightly, but grumbled a bitter, “Fine.”
I moved with nimble fingers, applying the fresh bandage as delicately as I could. My heart twisted in my chest. He still wouldn’t look me in the eye. My fingers lingered on his skin when I was done. Tentative. Questioning. “Jesse, I can explain—”
He stood up abruptly, ignoring me, and stalked over to one of the many kitchen cabinets and fished out a bottle of ibuprofen. He unscrewed the cap with one hand and took two pills dry. He remained at the counter, breathing deeply. Every muscle in his back was tight. The silence around us was crushing.
I wanted to cry. I couldn’t stand the thought of Jesse being upset with me. Disappointed in me. It made me sick to my stomach, even though I knew I did what had to be done.
“Reckless,” he hissed. “You were absolutely reckless today.”
“Jesse, I was only trying to—”
“Don’t. I don’t want to hear it.”
“I needed to find proof so I could help find—”
“To help find Molly? By going back to the first place the cartel would think to look for you? Did it ever occur to you that they’d have men ready to steal you away the second you stepped foot through their doors?”
“Steal me away?” I echoed. “What? Are they thieves in the night?”
“I’m not fucking joking, Vivian. Take me seriously.”
“Idotake you seriously.”
“Then why didn’t you listen to me?”
“Because I feel fucking useless, alright? I need to do something to help her!”
“You’re not qualified to handle a situation this delicate.”
I stood up, fury rising in my chest. “She’s the closest thing I have to a family, alright? She’s mybest friend. It’s my fault they took her. If anything happens to her, I—” My throat closed up, a terrible pressure building behind my eyes. “They should have taken me. I was the one who discovered the discrepancy. She’d be fine if it weren’t for me and it’s all my fault.”
“You can’t help her if you’re dead!” Jesse snapped. “Do you have any idea how fucking worried I was? You might not care what happens to you, but Ido.”
“Why?”
“Because!” he bellowed.
