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But he doesn’t know. He doesn’t really know what they did to me because I can’t tell him. How can I tell him all of those things?
He looks at me with kindness. But I’m not stupid. I know that men are not kind. I know I can’t trust him. Not really. No matter how pretty he is. He will hurt me like all the others. This is just a sick game he’s playing. Making me believe that he likes me. That he’s my friend. That he’ll help me.
The thing is… they all liked to play games. Each one a little different. Each one ending with pain. With me getting hurt.
Neo is kind too. He tells me he loves me and he’ll never let anyone hurt me again. He can’t make those promises, though. Because those men? They continue to hurt me every day that I’m still breathing. They hurt me when I try to sleep. And when I attempt to eat, I remember the way they would taunt me with food. I try my best to pretend. To put on a face like I'm okay.
I know my brother is concerned. I see it in his eyes when he looks at me. How could he not think of me as a weak little girl when his fiancée is so strong and fierce?
And when he tells me stories about our sister, she seems so capable. So perfect. I’m glad it was me they took and not her. I’m glad she gets to be free of the nightmares that continue to haunt me.
Dr. James gave me some pills; they’re supposed to help me sleep. I’ve been saving them up, because I really do want to go to sleep. I want to sleep forever. Maybe when I get to heaven—or hell—it’ll be better than it is here.
Maybe then my nightmares will go away.
