AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He doesn’t get a chance to answer as smoke starts filling the room. Josh rushes over and turns off the stove, placing the frying pan in the sink. I wait for the yelling to start, the blaming me. Even though I wasn’t the one cooking, I had distracted him.
I have to fix it. I have to make it right. “I’ll fix it. Go sit down. I’ll make something new,” I say as calmly as I can while I open the fridge, inspecting what ingredients I have to work with.
“Babe, you don’t need to fix shit. It’s only burnt eggs, not a big deal,” Josh says as he runs water over the frying pan.
“I can fix it. It’s okay. It’ll be okay.” I keep repeating the mantra in my head. If I say it enough times, it might be true.
Josh comes up and shuts the fridge. He pulls my body tight to his as his arms wrap around me. “Emmy, it’s okay. It’s just burnt eggs. It doesn’t matter. You’re okay. I’m okay. We are okay.” He kisses the top of my head.
My fingers curl around the lapels of his jacket. I don’t want him to let me go. I want everything he says to be real. I want us to be okay, even though I know we never will be. We have an expiration date. He just doesn’t know it yet.
“You need to get out of your head, Em. I’m not him. I’m an asshole. I’m not going to pretend that I’m not. But I’m not the monster haunting your dreams. There is nothing you can do that will ever make me want to hurt you.”
“I know that. Deep down, I do know that. I just can’t help the constant feeling that I’m going to do something wrong. I’m not the same girl you knew in high school, remember, Josh?”
“Of course you’re not the same. You’re better. You’re more real now than you ever let yourself be back then. I don’t need a fake, plastered smile on your lips constantly, Emmy. I’d love nothing more than to always see genuine happiness written all over your face. But I love you no matter what you’re feeling. When you’re scared, I still love you. I want to hold you and make you feel safe. I want to slay every motherfucking demon you have that makes you scared. If you’re angry, I still love you. I may want to throw you down on the bed and fuck the shit out of you, because, damn, babe, you’re fucking hot as hell when you get fired up. Don’t even get me started on when you’re jealous. If you’re sad, I still love you. I want to be the one to wipe your tears away. I want to be the shoulder you cry on.”
I don’t know how to respond to any of that. This Josh… This fierce, overbearing, protective Josh… This is the one I fell in love with when I was just fifteen. It’s twisted and fucked up, I know. After all the shit he did in high school, after taking my virginity and warning me to leave town the next day, I should hate him. I try to remind myself I hate him. But the truth is, as much as I want to, I can’t.
No one has ever loved me the way he does, even if it is a little crazy. Okay, a lot crazy. But I’ve never felt safer than I do right now, in his arms.
“Some days I really hate you; I remember waking up alone in that cabin and I hate you. But most days, even on the worst days of my life, all I wanted was to be held by you.”
“Why didn’t you call me sooner, Emmy? I would have come for you.”
“I know you would have—that’s why I never called. I knew what you would do. I don’t want you to get in trouble over me, Josh.”
“There is no amount of trouble you’re not worth,” he says as a ping sounds through the room.
Then I hear the clicking of heels on the marble floor and I step back. My body tightens. Please don’t let it be another one of Josh’s friends. I don’t think I can handle that.
“Josh, why do I have two men, who look like they just stepped out of the WWE, following me up here?” Ella’s voice carries through the house.
I raise my eyebrows at Josh in question. He laughs as he grabs my hand, leading me out of the kitchen. I’ve never really felt too self-conscious when I’m around Josh. But right now, with how glamourous Ella is in her skin-tight, little black dress and red pumps—her hair falling down over her shoulders in thick dark waves and red lipstick painted on her lips—I can’t help but think she looks like a goddess. And all I want to do is crawl under a rock and never come back out.
“What the fuck, Ella? Does Dean know you left the house looking like that?” Josh asks.
“Don’t be stupid. Of course he doesn’t know. He wasn’t exactly invited to our little shopping trip, which, by the way, I’m going to need one of your fancy McKinley money credit cards.” Ella holds her hand out.
“Hasn’t anyone told you?” Josh asks as he digs out his wallet, removing yet another black card and handing it over to her without question.
“Told me what?”
“That you are a McKinley. I happen to know you have a card with the name Ella McKinley on it. I ordered it myself.”
“Well, yeah, but it’s more fun to spend your money.”
“It all comes from the same place, Ella,” Josh says. “Also, change of plans. Emily’s not feeling up to going out in the city. She’s going to use the computer in the study and do some online shopping.”
Ella looks directly at me and smiles. “Emily, blink once if you need help. Twice, if you want me to knock this one on his ass. I’ve done it before.”
My eyes open in surprise—surely she can’t actually put him on his ass. “Ah, I’m okay. I just don’t feel like going out. I’m sorry for interrupting your day.” My hands wring the fabric on the bottom of my shirt.
Josh takes hold of one of them. “Emily, this is Ben and Jacob. They’ll be your security detail whenever I’m not here.”
I glance over to the two hulking men in suits. They don’t say anything. They just stand there, looking scary.
I hold Josh’s hand tighter. He’s not actually going to leave me here with the two of them, is he? Ella must notice my distress and she speaks up.
