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I close my eyes, savouring the feel of him, the taste of him. I groan around him, his thighs shaking underneath my arms. I want to make him feel good. I’ve had a few boyfriends, but I’ve never wanted to please someone as much as I want to please Josh right now. I need it. I need him to lose control because of me.
Is it a healthy feeling? Probably not. I know Josh thinks he’s the one with issues here, but he doesn’t know the depth of my instabilities yet. He doesn’t know the things I’ve done over the last few years to survive.
I continue to suck and stroke his length. After a very short few minutes, Josh growls out, “Fuck, Emmy, I’m going to come.” Is he really warning me? Like I’m going to suddenly pull away? I increase my efforts, sucking harder. My free hand cups his balls and rolls them around.
Josh grunts as he comes, the warm liquid filling my mouth. I swallow as quickly as I can, not wanting to waste anything he’s willing to give me.
Once he's completely finished, and I’ve licked his length clean, Josh leans down and lifts me under my arms, bringing me up to straddle his lap. He holds me close, my head leaning on his chest as both of our hearts beat rapidly.
Josh runs his fingers through my hair, something I’ve noticed he does a lot. It’s a nice feeling, comforting somehow. Maybe it’s because I haven’t felt cherished like this for a very long time.
“I know I don’t deserve you. I haven’t done anything good enough to have someone like you fall into my lap. But I’ll be damned if I’m ever going to give you up again, Emmy.”
“I don’t want you to give me up, Josh. But some things are even out of your control,” I tell him.
“There is nothing that is going to keep me away from you, Emmy. I don’t care what I have to do. I know you don’t want to tell me what you’re running from. But know that I will find out, and whether you like it or not, I will fix this for you, for us.” He kisses the top of my head.
I don’t know what to say in response to that. I don’t know how to get him to stop looking. He’s going to think very differently about me if he discovers what I’ve done. The best thing for him would be to forget about me again. I need to figure a way out of this mess. I can’t let Josh drag himself down with me.
* * *
“You know what we need?”Ella asks. She’s currently sitting on the daybed next to me, sipping at some concoction in a fancy glass with a little umbrella. They just keep bringing these drinks out to us.
We’ve been lazing by the pool all afternoon, drinking and eating ourselves into a food coma. Now Ella’s all pepped up again.
“No, what do we need?” I laugh. It may be the drinks, but I like the free feeling I currently have. I’m not lost in my internal monologue, my own inner nightmare, for once. I just feel free.
“We need to go dancing. Yep, get up. We’re going dancing.” She jumps up and pulls at my arm.
“Dancing, I can’t go dancing. Besides, look around, Ella. We’re in the middle of bloody Timbuctoo. Where do you think there is to go dancing around here?” I wave my arms.
“Well, I just happen to know a little country pub about thirty minutes down the road.” She smiles, proud of herself.
“I know the place you’re thinking of. I went to school in this town, remember? That’s not a pub we need to be at.” How can I talk her out of wanting to go out? What if someone notices me? Although it appears nobody is even looking for me, which just freaks me out more. There is no way they haven’t discovered what I’ve done.
“Come on, get up. It’ll be fun. Besides, I need to go dancing. I need to let off some steam.” She pouts at me.
“What about Josh?” I ask. There is no way we’re both getting off this farm without him noticing. He thinks I haven’t seen him lurking in the shadows every twenty minutes, watching us. But I’ve noticed. He stands there for at least five minutes before going back inside. Then twenty minutes later, he comes back out and watches again.
“Emily, I grew up with two very overbearing big brothers. I know a thing or two about sneaking out. Trust me. No one’s going to notice we’re gone until it’s too late.” She winks.
This could be my opportunity to get away from Josh, before I drag him down into my mess. My heart hurts at the thought of leaving him. Although I know it’s for the best, it’s the last thing I want to do.
“Okay, let’s do it. But we need to change first. We cannot go into that pub looking like this.” I point to both of our bikini-clad bodies.
“Woohoo, yes! You’re already my favourite sister-in-law,” Ella shrieks.
“I’m not your sister-in-law, Ella,” I remind her for what seems to be the tenth time today.
“Yet, but you will be,” she says as she takes hold of my hand and drags me through the house like she owns the place, which, I guess, she kind of does.
* * *
Sitting in the booth,in this little old country pub, I can’t help the feeling of being watched. I’ve been overtly looking around for the last half an hour, trying to figure out who it is that’s watching me.
“Will you stop? You look like you just robbed a bank and are waiting for the cops to burst in here looking for you,” Ella says from the other side of the booth.
She looks hot as hell and has not been short on drawing the attention of everyone in here. She’s wearing a denim skirt and a black singlet, complemented by a pair of tan and black Ariat cowgirl boots. Her dark hair falls in two perfectly sculpted braids.
