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Emily
Locking eyes with Josh, I try to tell him everything I struggle to say in words. How much I really love him, need him, cherish him. I want to believe in the fantasy he’s trying to sell me. That we will get our happily ever after, but no matter how much I try, I just can’t see how reality is going to let that happen.
Right now, I can give in to this feeling, this need to have him as close as I can possibly get. I lift my hips and start rocking back and forward. Every time I come back down, my clit hits him right on his pubic bone. The sensations going through me are unbelievable. I was in such a frenzied rush to get him inside me, but now that he’s there, I don’t want it to end. I want to take my time and drag this out as long as I can.
My hands roam up and under his shirt, over the ridges and grooves of his abs. All I can think of is how much I want to run my tongue along these grooves. I ride him as slowly as I can. Josh’s hands squeeze the globes of my ass, his grunts and groans filling the car, but he does nothing to take control of the speed or tempo of my movements.
“Fuck, Em, you were fucking made for me. This pussy was made to ride my cock.” Josh growls into my ear as he takes the lobe between his teeth and sucks.
“Mmm, I don’t want this feeling to end, Josh.”
“This is never going to end, babe,” he promises as I pick up my pace again, chasing that bliss that I know will come crashing over me in waves of pleasure. I lean my head back as Josh moves his mouth to the crook of my neck. His teeth gently graze the delicate skin there before he bites down.
The pain of the bite sends jolts of electricity straight to my core, and I explode. My juices flood him as he holds my hips still, riding me through my orgasm and finding his own release.
“You. Are. Mine,” he states as he empties himself inside me. I collapse into him, my head falling to his chest, my fingers wrapping around the fabric of his shirt. I’m not ready to let go of this feeling yet.
Josh runs his hands through my hair, laying tender kisses to my forehead. It confuses me how he can be so gentle and loving towards me, yet cold and closed off to everyone else. The way he makes me feel like I’m the most important thing in the world to him is dangerous. I want to keep him. Knowing that I can’t is eating me up. I know I’m going to have to let him go eventually. Nothing good lasts forever and this right here, sitting on his lap, being wrapped up in his arms—this is a good feeling.
Shaking the thoughts away, I slip off his lap and slide back into my seat, pulling the seat belt back on. I can’t even look at him right now. What the hell is wrong with me? I’m so afraid he’s going to be able to see right through me. I can’t let him in on the internal struggle I’m currently having about staying.
I know the best thing is for me to disappear. It will ruin him, but in the end, it will also save him. I can’t let anyone else go down for the mess I’ve made. I just need to figure out how to get away from him.
Josh reaches across the car and picks up my hand, entwining his fingers with mine. I can feel his eyes on me as I stare out the window. He’s silent. The stroking of his thumb on my wrist is comforting in the strangest way. Just his touch soothes all my aches and pains. Whenever his skin makes contact with mine, it feels like I can breathe again after being held under water.
If I were to ask a shrink, I’m sure I’d be told I was developing an unhealthy, co-dependent relationship with Josh. Even knowing this, I still want him.
“Emmy, whatever you’re thinking, stop. I promise it’s going to be okay. I will fix this.”
“You can’t possibly know what I’m thinking, Josh.” Annoyed that he reads me so bloody well, I try to pull my hand out of his. He just holds onto it tighter, refusing to let me cut off our connection.
“I know that you’ve got one foot out the door, ready to run at any given chance.”
“I can’t let you deal with my mess. I’m a mess, Josh. I have so many issues up here right now. Why the hell would you want me around?” I ask, pointing to my head. He has to understand how damaged I am.
“You think you’re a mess. I think you’re fucking beautiful. Perfect. Whatever we have to do to deal with this situation, we will do it together. I won’t have it any other way.”
“I’m far from perfect. I can’t get these images out of my head. I can’t close my eyes and not see it, not see what I did.”
“What you did? Let me tell you what you did, Emily. What you did was survive. What you did was brave, courageous and fucking amazing. You didn’t do anything wrong; you have nothing to feel guilty about. Do you hear me? You have done nothing wrong, Emmy. You survived a situation you should never have fucking been put in.”
“But that’s the thing, Josh. I don’t feel guilty. I’m not sorry for what I did. When I close my eyes, I’m not consumed by guilt, but fear. I’m so tired of being scared all the damn time.”
Josh unclips his seat belt and moves to the middle of the car, right next to me. He holds my face in his hands, resting his forehead on mine.
“Tell me what you’re afraid of most in the world, Emmy. What’s your biggest fear?” he asks.
I think about it for a while. I’m scared of the future, of what my future looks like. I’m scared that I didn’t kill Trent and he’s going to find me again. I’m scared that I’m going to spend the rest of my life behind bars for what I did. But my biggest fear, the thing that terrifies me the most, is Josh.
I close my eyes and confess this realization to him. “You. You’re my biggest fear, Josh. I’m so afraid that you’re going to wake up one day and decide that you’re finished with me again. I’m afraid that you’re going to send me away. I’m scared that you won’t be able to look at me the same way… now that you know what I did. My biggest fear is losing you… again.”
When I open my eyes, I’m met with Josh’s blue orbs sucking me into his trance. I can see so many different emotions in his eyes. But the one that stands out the most is love. When he looks at me, I can always see love.
“Emily, I swear on everything that you will never lose me. You are the only person I’ve ever loved. You are the only person I will ever love. I’m sorry that I’ve made you feel like you didn’t always have me, but I promise I’ve always been yours. Only yours.”
“What kind of future do you really think we can have, Josh? I have the police looking for me. I killed someone…” I whisper.
“Babe, I’ve killed someone on every day that ends with a Y. It’s not a big deal. And that cop will not get anywhere near you.”
