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He did not return. For the first time since his recovery from the fever, she dined alone that night.
* * *
Since she could not sleep, Lizzy packed her trunk. Obviously, she could not stay any longer. Even a frightening ride alone on the post seemed a better option than lingering at The Breakers, falling more in love daily with a man she could never have—who would never have her. Her will to resist him was gone. She was too vulnerable, immune to sense or reason; she might even have been guilty of luring him into kisses he had rather not given—she no longer knew herself. Rather than continuing to compound her mistakes, she must make haste to Hertfordshire as quickly as was possible, not looking back.
Her plan for the next morning was to tell Mr Darcy of her decision and ask for his aid in procuring transportation back to Netherfield. However, when he finally appeared after breakfast, he seemed full of a suppressed energy and will, his hair wet, damply curling at the ends.
She tried not to remember him powerfully swimming alone through ocean waves.
“Need…letter,” he said, unsmiling, intent.
How I despise the thought of leaving him alone!Even though she knew it was the right thing, nay, the only thing to do, it was difficult to find the words to tell him so. Still, she could help him with this one task before asking him to help her find a means of immediate departure.
“I will help with that,” she assented. “Then we must talk.”
“Will…write…earl,” he said instead of agreeing.
“The earl?” she questioned. “Confrontation at this point seems…unwise. What if you anger him?”
“Will…write earl,” he repeated with more force.
“Very well,” she agreed. Who was she to decide to whom he should or should not write? After today, he would be making all his decisions without her participation. It was as it ought to be. Still, he had already worried aloud that time might be short before the earl acted, taking further steps to ruin the Darcys and cement his own power thereby. The threat of a declared insanity might remain for years. Would such a letter help or hurt?
“Mat-lock,” he began dictating with none of the usual niceties.
Dear Lord Matlock,she wrote.
“Will do…as you pro-pose. M-marriage.”
Lizzy dropped the pen, but he did not seem to notice. Marriage! How could he be so callous? Only yesterday, he had pledged ‘only you, my Lizzy’! While that was not precisely a declaration, his demanding she write this letter was especially cruel in the wake of his recent passion.
But then…she had practically begged for that passion, had she not? Letting him know of the reasons he should be grateful to her, inspiring his pity with her own losses. Ultimately, he was the one who stood strong against her passion, not the reverse.
What they had shared was a brief, impossible moment in time, and she had already resolved to leave—today, if possible. A pretend wife she might have been, but she must not pretend to herself. Better to face it as straightforwardly as he was. Telling her directly was the kindest thing he could do.
So she took up the pen again, struggling to keep up as he dwelt with some warmth on the subject of his bride’s inferiority. While it gave her no pleasure to imagine him tied forever to one who suited him so ill, at least her heart could not be wounded by his sentiments—or lack thereof—towards his bride.
“Not best…choice. Not…not…suitable. Family…undeserving…Darcy name,” seemed to be the gist of his remarks. Repeatedly.
Well, this would not be how I would speak of my betrothed, Lizzy thought. However, it was true enough—Caroline’s birth was much lower than Lizzy’s own, for instance. She had not dwelt upon how such things mattered to him, but it had to be a consideration, or he might have married Caroline and her magnificent portion years before. Did he insult the Bingley lineage to emphasise his own, building up his worth in Matlock’s eyes by slandering the earl’s chosen bride? She tried to gentle it as much as she could.
“But…accomplished,” he offered. Of course, he must add that. What were Caroline’s claims from that silly drawing room conversation of so long ago? “A thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages,” amongst others. I suppose I should list them all, she thought. Too, Caroline had the running of Netherfield. Mr Darcy might not think of it, but he was also, plainly, stating the good reasons he had for accepting the earl’s choice, regardless that it was not his own.
“Good to sister,” he said.
I would rather have said Caroline’s sister is good to her,Lizzy thought. Nevertheless, Mrs Hurst and Caroline did seem to rely heavily upon each other, even if Mrs Hurst seemed the more submissive of the two. She wrote his sentiments quickly despite the agony each one caused.
“Family…for most part…ill-behaved,” he relayed. “Will…require…some intercession. But not all…bad.”
Her family is the best part about her!Well, at least her brother; Mr Bingley was the very best of men. Of course, Louisa Hurst is a dreadful gossip, while Mr Hurst is a winebibber and a clunch. Perhaps Mr Darcy intended to demand that his distinguished family provide some incentive for Hurst to drink less and contribute more to dinner party conversations, while encouraging his wife to contribute less? It might be beneficial. At least, beneficial to their future dinner partners.
“Witty, charming,” he added, and she quickly wrote down those adjectives, resisting the temptation to add ‘arrogant’ and ‘self-centred’. Was she to hear all of Caroline’s strengths now, every one of his reasons for accepting the earl’s bride? It did not matter; Caroline had the earl’s seal of approval.
“I am…un-unconcerned…her ability to…navigate society of…her betters.”
Truthfully, Caroline, with her seminary education, was well-suited to navigating the world of earls and countesses. However, Lizzy could not truly consider his relations a family of ‘betters’. Lady Catherine had nearly killed him with her senseless trust in a quack, while Lord and Lady Matlock were more interested in maintaining control of the Darcy wealth than their good health. No, there were not any heroes in his family tree, despite their bluer blood.
“Again…again, I reassure…consider Georg-anna welfare…believe me. Bride…good influence…if regret-table. Bride’s…family…in-sufficiency of income and conduct…difficult to accept. I…am not mad. Your idea…will not do. I…will have my choice…or none.”
