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Lizzy walked the three miles to Longbourn. Over and over, she practised and discarded approaches to the man she had avoided approaching most of her life. “He will not welcome me, however carefully I say it,” she reminded herself. “A pretence of ignoring me will be the best I can hope for. My only plan must be to speak quickly, before he can walk away.”
She entered Longbourn through the back entry, slipping into the kitchen. There, Cook and Mrs Hill were sitting at the table, having tea, and she was directly greeted with all the warmth of homecoming that she could have wished.
“I have come to speak to my father,” she explained, much to their obvious surprise. But the loyal pair were only helpful.
“I just brought him his tea to his book-room,” said Mrs Hill. “You can find him there. If you are of a mind to be private, use the back stair, and no one else will see you. Your mother and sisters are all in the front parlour.”
“And when you take your leave, stop here again,” Cook added. “I’ll have spice cake, fresh from the oven, wrapped and ready to go with you.”
How dear were these two!Lizzy thought. How much better they made my childhood because they cared!
But once she left the warmth of their good company, some of her resolution faded. The dim, quiet staircase seemed to stretch a mile upwards. Courage, Lizzy, she whispered, facing the climb to his book-room, daring to face her father. Time to press on.
* * *
Darcy faced the façade of his London home with some hesitation. In all respects, it looked just as it ever had—an impressive, elegant edifice on this impressive, elegant Mayfair square.
“How can it look just the same as always, when everything’s changed?” James asked in an uncanny echo of his own thoughts.
Whilst his people had located his former valet, Pennywithers, that man had discovered that he enjoyed retirement; Darcy had seen to his pension and raised James to the position. He was not, perhaps, as sartorially proficient, but was learning rapidly. He had also begun teaching James to read and write, discovering in the process that as he taught, his own abilities improved and strengthened. What was more, he liked the sensible young man, who said what he thought instead of simply ‘yes, sir’ and ‘no, sir’.
“Truth,” Darcy muttered and made himself press forward. Press on.
The difference within was marked. Taylor had, plainly, rehired most of the servants, and it was a bustling household in comparison to his previous stay. The housekeeper was there to greet him, appearing anxious.
“We are so happy to have you returned, sir,” she said, and he smiled and nodded. No matter how disappointed he was that she had followed Lady Catherine’s dictates so exactly, he understood better what it felt like to have so little control over one’s own life and position. The earls and Lady Catherines—and the Darcys of this world, too, for that matter—had the ability to assert an unfair dominion over those around them, and it was up to him to try for changes. And should he forget, he had James to subtly hint how it was for her and for so many others. He was as good as a second conscience.
“I…thank you for listening…to Miss Bennet and Miss Darcy, when…called for you…in my extremity,” he said, finding a rhythm in the words to get them all out. If others found his new cadence odd, he could not care. “The nursery,” he added. “Please have…stripped bare. Furn-ishings…give away, wallpapers…remove. Every bit.”
“Yes, sir. It will be done at once,” she agreed immediately.
If he ever did marry, his wife could have the pleasure of redoing it. And if he did not, it would be Georgiana’s problem, or her heirs. He could not even imagine allowing his own children in there.
Of course, if Lizzy would not have him, he could not foresee marriage at all. It would seem so wrong to marry another when he only wanted her, and he could not conceive of his feelings changing. Oh, to have another chance!
How could he show her that he had taken her reproofs to heart, if he and his solicitors were unsuccessful?
At least his study was unchanged, a safe haven, and he breathed a sigh of relief to be here again, whole and healed. A stack of correspondence forwarded by Saxelby in anticipation of his arrival lay neatly piled upon the desk. He was in London not only for this latest project but to acquire a secretary—Saxelby wished for him to interview his favoured three candidates, then make the final decision. Darcy felt a brief longing for the days when he had easily managed it all himself, but quickly set those feelings aside. He was fortunate in every respect, and he knew it.
He picked up the top letter from the stack, read the direction, then broke the seal to read the neatly inscribed invitation:
He set the invitation down with a suddenly trembling hand, his heart beating hard within his chest.
* * *
Lizzy did not bother to knock. She was not coming to her father in politeness or subservience. She had a message for this man, and she was determined to say it. Nevertheless, everything within her quaked at the idea of confrontation, of his fury and indignation. She had been sneaking into this book-room for years, always covertly and, except for the one time, had never been caught. To boldly enter and demand his attention was such presumption, she could hardly imagine herself doing it.
The door swung wide; her father glanced up, a cup of tea in his hand, a newspaper before him, annoyance on his brow—then open resentment when he saw the source of the interruption.
But something happened within Lizzy as she stood facing the man whose good opinion she had always longed for and never had the least chance of earning. Somehow, while she was away confronting new situations, challenges, adversity, even death itself…either her world had enlarged, or Mr Thomas Bennet had shrunk. He was physically smaller than she had ever remembered, a puny man with a puny heart. Her courage rose to meet his narrowed gaze.
“I have received information that Lydia has agreed to an assignation with Lieutenant Wickham the night of the ball. She means to steal away with him to the old woodsman’s cottage. It matters not to me whether you believe me. I only feel compelled to remind you that your importance, your respectability in the world must be affected if she continues wild and unrestrained. I and my sister Jane and her family will be touched but little—Mr Bingley can certainly give up the lease and have nothing more to do with any of you, if the association brings disgrace upon Jane. I must speak plainly. If you will not take the trouble of checking Lydia’s unguarded flirtations and of teaching her that her present pursuits are not to be the business of her life, she will soon be beyond the reach of amendment. In this danger, Kitty is also comprehended. If you refuse to provide her any other source of guidance, she will follow wherever Lydia leads. Can you suppose it possible that they will not be censured and despised wherever they are known, and you shamed alongside them for your negligence, if you will do nothing?”
Lizzy looked him in the eye as she spoke; in his surprise at her impudence, he had heard every word. There was no need to bring up Miss Darcy’s experience to try to convince him of the truthfulness of the charges she had laid against Lydia. He was free to accept her warning else pay the price; in fact, she had already said more than she had meant, but she was not sorry, even as he began sputtering.
She had already turned to leave when he bellowed, “Frances, take your brat out of my home before I have her tossed out!”
In that moment, she was thrown back into the past, six years old again, trembling before her papa; there was shouting, cursing, her beloved uncle furious, whilst she knew she had somehow caused the commotion. When Uncle had stormed out of the parlour, she had run after him, chasing his long-legged stride as he’d hurried to his horse, catching up to him only as he had been about to mount. She remembered her uncle’s tight embrace as she had wept into his woollen coat, his soothing words as he’d murmured that she mustn’t cry, that it was not her fault her papa was a fool, that she was the best girl in the world, that he loved her with all his heart and always would.
