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“A man who felt less, might. I thought I was doing the right thing, keeping the vows I made on our wedding day to protect and honour you. I still think it. But never have I done something so abhorrent to my personal desires.”
“How unlucky that you should have a reasonable answer to give, and that I should be so reasonable as to admit it. But what was your intention? To stay away indefinitely, had you been left to yourself?”
“I did not really plan it. I am still waiting for Lord Cavendish to return from London. As his daughter is marrying, he seems in no hurry to do so, although I expect he will by Easter. I wanted to see how it would be.”
“Tell me why you prefer me to stay away,” I demanded.
He briefly clasped me more tightly. “That is never my preference, darling. But I did not marry you only to drag you from one bad situation to a worse one. The talk, the gossip, will be merciless. I believe you better off in Lambton, where I have a few friends and you have many more.”
“That might be true, if you were here as well. It can only cause more talk if we live apart. People will say I am afraid of you.”
He sighed. “I do not care for myself. But come, it is growing dark and your aunt will be worried. We can discuss this in the warmth of her home.”
I was certain I looked an utter wreck—my hair wild, my dress grass-stained. His hat was gone, his neckcloth ruined. I did not, could not care.
“I will not return until you give me your word that whatever we decide, we shall decide together.”
He was silent for a long moment. “I suppose it matters not what I choose. If you call for me, I will always come.”
“However unwillingly,” I chided.
“Too willingly,” he grumbled. “That is the problem. I exercised every bit of restraint I possess. I was as severe and harsh as I know how to be. And yet, you saw right through my guard to the man behind it, who was wishing to do nothing more than throw himself at your feet and beg forgiveness. I shall never know how you could tell.” He set me on my feet and searched within the gathering gloom for his missing, probably wrecked hat.
I only smiled, glad he could not see it, and decided I would keep all my secrets at present. Men were so very contrary; a wife needed every clue she could get.
