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She saw the moment Zafar emerged, though she couldn’t have said how much time had elapsed. She knew only that he was panicked. He burst from the tent like a caged animal who had escaped, his head turning this way and that, so she stood automatically, afraid for whatever had happened that had caused the lines of his body to tense so clearly.
But her movement drew his gaze and he broke into a run, crossing the desert so much faster than she had, until he drew level with her.
“What is it? What’s the matter?” She demanded, moving the last few steps to approach him.
“I thought you’d —,” He gripped her shoulders, as though to reassure himself of something. “I thought you were gone.”
“Gone?”She frowned, looking around the seemingly endless expanse of desert with a frown on her face. If it weren’t for his obviously serious mood, she might have laughed. “Where could I go?”
His eyes narrowed, scanning her face, and her heart thumped, because he was looking for something and she had no idea what, but it felt beyond her to give it to him anyway.
He lifted his hands to her face, cupping it and tilting her to face him. And perhaps he misunderstood her words because he was reassuring her then, his voice deep and tinged with his accent. “I know you feel trapped by this, Amelia. It isn’t what you want. But you will be free again soon, I promised you that. When the baby is born, you can go, just like you want. Okay?”
She was silent, because Millie knew that the second she opened her mouth to speak, the words would tremble with emotions. Why did his reassurance strike something like fear through her instead?
“But until then, you stay where I need you to be,” he grunted, so her eyes flew to his face, and she was surprised by the ferocity she witnessed there. “You stay safe, where I can protect you, not wandering the desert where any wild beast might come upon you. Did you forget that you are pregnant with our child?”
And despite herself, a shiver ran the length of her spine. Naturally, he was concerned for their baby, not her. It made perfect sense and yet frustration exploded inside Millie. “I have no intention of doing anything to jeopardise our baby’s safety,” she muttered, pulling away from him. Only he held her tight, as though it was beyond him to release her.
“I thought you’d gone,” he repeated, anger tinging the words. “Damn it, Amelia, don’t do that to me again.”
She opened her mouth to bite back, to protest his dominant demands, but then his mouth was crushing down on hers, commanding her in a wholly new way, so that thoughts scattered from her brain. “You are my responsibility, do you understand?”
No. She didn’t understand. Nothing made sense, particularly not the way she was responding to him, her arms wrapping around his neck, holding him close in case he should pull back when that was the last thing she wanted.
Hadn’t she just been telling herself that she needed to avoid this? But knowledge and feeling were very different, and now her body moved on instinct, welcoming his, surrendering to his worship, to the way he kissed her and touched her and finally made love to her beneath the stars, the imperative of his first kiss turning into something far gentler, a reverential, awe-struck passion as he caressed her belly while he possessed her, kissing her until the stars overhead were matched by stars behind her eyelids and she was full of him and a sense that perhaps everything really would be okay after all.
The feeling did notlast long. Afterwards, she lay with her head against his chest and berated herself for having been so foolish, just as she had the last time they’d slept together. Had she no self-control? No self-respect? Was it really so easy for Zafar? He only had to click his fingers and she would fall under his spell, just like always.
She had to do better than this. And so did he.
“I told you I didn’t want that to happen again,” she said quietly, without moving, her eyes squeezing shut against a sudden wave of intense sadness.
His hand brushed her back and he shifted a little, so he could see her properly. “Do you regret it?”
Her heart ached. She regretted so much, it was impossible to know exactly what was responsible for her feelings. “Yes,” she said anyway. “I guess I do.”
He was very still; she felt as though the air around them had, in fact, ceased to exist. A bird called above, a sound that she no longer found beautiful but eerie. A shiver followed.
“You’re cold.” He moved immediately, a grim line on his face made somehow more severe by the moonlight. He reached down for her clothes, handing them to her with the briefest glance at her eyes.
“I’m fine,” she demurred, taking the clothes anyway.
“It shouldn’t have happened,” he said, after a moment, dragging a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why it’s this way with you.” He shook his head, tension evident in the slight movement. “I told myself I’d respect your wishes. Just like I told myself not to go near you at the funeral.”
And even when she wanted to be angry with him, she knew it wasn’t fair. “We were both involved in those decisions,” she said. “I could have pushed you away just now, but whatever comes over you apparently comes over me too. But we have to fight it.” She pressed her hand to his chest, her eyes beseeching. “I can’t keep doing this with you.”
A muscle jerked in his jaw. “And yet it feels like what we are designed for, does it not?”
Everything about Zafar felt like what Millie was designed for. She had always felt as though they slotted together perfectly in every way. He was her complement, and she needed him. She loved him. Clarity fired through her and suddenly, all of the disparate pieces of her fears fell together and made perfect sense. She wasn’t afraid that having sex with Zafar might lead her to loving him, deep down she knew that she was already in love with him. And the more time they spent together the more hopeless her situation became.
“It can’t happen,” she groaned. “Don’t you see that? It makes it too hard. I need to be able to walk away from you when the baby’s born. The more time we spend together, the more I forget — and I can’t forget.”
“Why not? Doesn’t it feel better to live like this?”
Millie stared up at him, a frown on her face. “Like what?”
“Like this.” He pulled her towards him, his hands on her hips. “We are married, Amelia, and we are having a baby. What if when that baby is born, we don’t get divorced? What if you were to stay with me, as my wife instead. I know I can make you happy this time.” He lifted a hand to her cheek, caressing it gently, reminding her of the way he’d seemed to worship her. “I know you deserve that.”
