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He sighed. “I’m afraid for you. I don’t think you made your decisions with the right mind. I think you had an infatuation with me that maybe wasn’t healthy and without knowing this, I took advantage of your weakness.” He put his hand on my car door and leaned in. “This was wrong.”
“You keep saying that.”
“Because it’s true.”
“No, you say it because it’s easier to think that rather than to really dig deep into your feelings.”
He smirked. “So now you’re giving me shrink talk.”
I smiled. “I’m the expert on that.” I looked toward his condo. “Can we go inside and talk?”
He was quiet for several moments which I took as a hopeful sign.
He shook his head. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t trust myself.”
Even though he was rejecting my idea, my heart skipped a beat that he actually didn’t trust his actions. He wanted me. He couldn’t deny that fact. And that wasn’t just my crazy talking.
“Are you hungry?” I asked. “I know this great Mexican restaurant that some sexy man brought me to once.”
He shook his head, ran his hands through his hair, closed his eyes, then looked up at the sky.
I waited in silence.
He reminded me of a knight, slaying the dragons of his mind. I just hoped that the outcome would be… me.
I needed him to choose me.
Finally, after several minutes, he gave a weak smile and nodded. “I’ll drive.”
Mr. D
I turned off the highway and followed a side road which was the long way to get there. Corrine was fast asleep. I knew she hadn’t been sleeping. The dark circles were obvious, but I also knew she had been practically camping outside my place. I should have stopped the stalker game the minute she started, but the vindictive side of me wanted her to suffer a bit. A punishment for her lies. Plus, I’d needed the week to calm down, to think, and to come up with what I wanted.
At my suggestion, she curled up under my jacket and quickly floated off to sleep. It seemed like all she needed was to be in my presence to relax. Rest was something we both needed desperately, but not nearly as much as we needed each other in order to get it. I hadn’t been sleeping either. I’d get up in the middle of the night and see her car in the shadows. Knowing she was just steps away, and that I could make all the lonely feelings and pain go away if I would just walk out there and forgive her. If I could just take her in my arms and tell her that I was ready to move past everything and focus on the future.
But was I?
Could I?
After a much longer drive than planned so she could at least get a cat nap, we finally reached the restaurant that sat on an alpine mountain lake.
I couldn’t help but smile at Corrine as I pondered how to wake her. I was done with vindictive. I was over being mean. I didn’t want to hurt her. I wanted to be the man I was and keep the promises I gave her.
For a week I had tried to make reason out of a fucked up situation. But the only thing I could think of was that Corrine was a lonely woman who had never felt loved. She had never been taught how to get it in a healthy way.
Was she the one to blame? Truly?
Her heart was in the right place even though her mind may have not been.
Very softly, I whispered her name and kissed her warm cheek. She began to stir, a moan mixing with a soft sigh. I brushed my lips against hers, feeling the loving beginnings of a smile. I pulled back enough to watch her eyes gradually flutter awake. The smile disappeared for a short moment but returned when she looked up into my eyes. It had been what felt like an eternity since I saw it, felt it, but I could see the connection was still there. There was an overpowering bond that somehow was still holding us together when every ounce of sanity in my body screamed for me to run.
“Are we there yet?” she asked huskily, while rubbing her eyes.
“We are.” I pointed at the beginning of a sunset, dipping beneath the sparkling water of the lake. “The sun’s about to set.”
Corrine’s smile widened, and her eyes brightened as she sat up all the way to take in the scenery. The horizon illuminated a gold that seemed magical against the tranquil water.
I freed her seat belt and then walked over to her side of the car and opened the door. “Let’s watch the sunset before we go inside,” I suggested as I enclosed her under my arm, snuggling her close, leaning on the hood of my car.
