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Hux pulled back to look at me fully, and I felt my face go hot.
“Just so I understand… you’re having another conversation in your head while I’m kissing you?”
“Well… yes?” I admitted in a strangled voice. “But the convo was also about you, so…” Sweet mother of minotaurs, had another human ever been born who was as awkward as me?
The slow smile that spread across Hux’s face was warm as sunshine. I could stare at that smile forever.
“I missed you,” he said softly. “I really, legitimately missed you the last few days, Kevin Rogers.”
“Oh. Well, that’s good. I mean, not good good, but good because… I missed you too,” I admitted. “A lot. So now that you’re here, maybe we could continue? With the kissing? Because the kissing is also good. Really good.” I swallowed. “For me. It’s good for me. Meaning, I’m good with it.”
Shut. Up.
Hux’s smile had grown wider with each ridiculous word out of my mouth. “So, you want me to stop?”
I closed my eyes and sighed. “I liked you better when you were kissing me. Silently.”
Hux pressed me down onto the bed, his body propped over mine and his hands bracketing my face. The smirk faded into a serious expression. “I don’t want to pressure you for sex. Especially if it’s your first time. That’s not why I kissed you.”
I wanted to ask him many follow-up questions—for example, why he had kissed me—but for once, I managed to stay on topic.
I swallowed. “I don’t feel pressure. And I…” How did you tell someone you wanted to have sex with them? “I wouldn’t mind having sex with you.” Casual. That was good, right?
Hux tucked his upper lip between his teeth. “You wouldn’t mind?”
I reached up to jab a finger into his armpit. The resulting yelp was particularly satisfying as I rolled the beefcake off me and sat up. “I’m being serious,” I said, pulling my glasses off and rubbing the bridge of my nose where they’d been pressing at an odd angle during our kiss. “I… it’s… it’s awkward to talk about this. Possibly everything is awkward when I talk about it. But I’m not a virgin by, ah, choice. It’s just… no one… there hasn’t been…” I flapped my hand in the air and let my voice fade away rather than say the words out loud to him.
No one has wanted me like that.
Hux’s face reddened, and his eyes narrowed. “Not possible. If I took you into any group of gay men, exactly one hundred percent of them would want you.”
I snorted before clapping a hand over my mouth and shaking my head. “No. Definitely not. Believe me, I’ve been in groups of gay men. Heck, I currently live in a group of gay men.”
Hux’s eyes darkened. “And one of them wants you very, very badly.”
The air thickened between us.
Part of me wanted to crack a joke to lighten the tension—ask him if it was Elvo or maybe Sasha—but I didn’t dare take the chance I’d say something to change his mind about this.
About me.
“I want him very badly too,” I admitted in a low whisper. Maybe I’d get lucky and he wouldn’t hear me at all.
I hated being vulnerable around someone who had the power to cut me to the quick. And Jasper Huxley held more of that power than anyone else on earth.
Hux straddled my lap, leaning in until I was pressed back against the headboard. I felt the brush of his hard cock against mine and realized my breath was sawing in and out of me almost audibly.
“I want you, Kevin,” he said in the same low whisper I’d used. “I want you more than anything. I’ve wanted you longer than you know.”
The urge to give in and kiss him again, to let myself get carried away by the feelings between us, was almost impossible to resist, but I couldn’t let it rest.
“You keep saying that, but I still don’t understand,” I said, almost apologetically. And I truly wanted to understand. I wanted to believe.
But why had he fought tooth and nail with me if he’d wanted me like this? Why had he acted like he despised me, both in the game and in real life?
His fingers came up to thread into my hair. “I know. I was so stupid. I fought my attraction to you because…”
“Because you thought I was an unmotivated freeloader,” I supplied helpfully.
“No! Or… yeah. Maybe I really thought that at first, before I got to know you. But even after that, when every piece of evidence showed you were the opposite of lazy, I still tried to convince myself that you were, because…” Hux set his jaw and looked away, staring at the headboard behind me like the fake wood was fascinating.
“Because?” I prompted, tugging on his hair just enough so he’d look at me again.
