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It took only seconds for the blissful release to turn into uncomfortably wet pants and for his delicious weight to become suffocating.
“Can’t. Breathe,” I wheezed dramatically.
Hux did a push-up to lift his body weight off me, but he leaned down to press a gentle kiss under the edge of my jaw. “I feel like I just splooged in my pants like a teenager.”
I got the feeling he was trying to break the awkwardness and make me laugh. It worked.
We made our way to my bathroom and began to strip. “Another shower?” I asked when Hux opened the glass door and turned on the water.
He bounced his eyebrows. “I’ll take any excuse I can to get you naked.”
Once I was in his arms under the heavy stream of unlimited hot water, I allowed myself to set aside my fears and believe. I believed this was real, it was permanent, it was normal.
I let myself believe Jasper Huxley was really and truly mine.
“What you do to me,” he murmured into my wet hair as he pressed his lips against me over and over.
This didn’t feel like pretending.
“Tell me,” I urged.
“I never thought I would find someone I craved morning and night. I never thought I’d meet someone as kind and genuine and forgiving enough to put up with my prickly bullshit. I just… I want to be with you like this all the time.”
The pounding of the water on my upper back echoed my galloping heart.
“What does that mean?” I was afraid my newfound bravery was going to expire and leave me without answers.
Hux’s strong hands grabbed my face, lifting it up until I had no choice but to meet his eyes. Thankfully, he’d pulled us out of the stream of water.
“Kevin, it means…” He took a breath as if making sure his words were right before sharing them. “I really like you. I think about you all the time. First thing in the morning, last thing before I sleep, even when you’re not with me. Sometimes I see you jumping in to help where it’s needed, or joking with Carter, or explaining some complex HOG maneuver to Elvo, or discussing politics with Jordan, and I just think, ‘Holy shit, that’s… that’s my guy.’ I want to protect you. I want to know all the thoughts in your brain, and I want to tell you all of mine, even if they’re stupid, because I think maybe they won’t feel as stupid if I share them with you. I…” Hux’s words sputtered to a stop like an engine that had run out of gas. He wiped the water from his eyes and shook his head in frustration. “I want you to be mine. That’s all. That’s… that’s it.”
I was struggling to process the fact that this was happening, that I was hearing this declaration that was more wonderful than any dream I’d ever let myself dream, from a man I hadn’t ever imagined could want me this way. More than that, I couldn’t believe this was happening while his thick cock was pressed warm and wet against my leg. While he smiled his killer smile and his strong hands moved possessively up and down my arms. While my very own naked body was being perused lazily by a pair of mesmerizing eyes in the face of the sexiest man I knew.
“Okay.” I blinked. That hadn’t been as eloquent as I’d hoped. I tried again. “I’d like that. Thank you.” I bit my lip. “Wait. Fuck. One more time.”
Hux started laughing so hard I slipped out of his grip and nearly fell over. I couldn’t hold back a laugh after seeing him lose it like that, and when we both ended up sitting on the floor, gasping for breath through our tears, I wondered if this was what it felt like to fall in love.
When we finally caught our breath, Hux reached out a hand. I placed mine in his and felt like I was grabbing onto more than just his hand. I was accepting his offer of something that would last longer than tonight.
This wasn’t pretend. It was real. I didn’t need to make myself believe it because finally, finally, I did.
It wasn’t until much later, when we were tangled in my sheets and each other, that Hux showed his vulnerability.
“You didn’t totally answer me before. Can we at least try this? Are you open to that? Even though I was such an ass to you?”
“I thought we already—”
“Yeah, we did. It’s just…” He licked his lips. “Sometimes a person needs to hear a thing more than once to really believe it.”
I pulled back from my spot snuggled up against his side. Why did it continually shock me that he and I could feel so similarly when I knew we had so much in common? Why did I always mistakenly think that I was the only one who had insecurities?
