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“You know,” I said slowly. “You weren’t the only one who was an ass. I mean, yes, maybe you said more unkind things. Maybe you even thought more of them. But I wasn’t an innocent victim, Hux. You knew it then, and you know it now.”
If he really thought I was smart and capable, he had to know that I could hold my own.
He nodded.
“So… of course I want to try this with you. Besides—” I grinned, trying to lighten the moment. “—this way, I can stare at that butt for days without being arrested. You’re really pretty, you know?”
Hux huffed out a laugh, but I could see the worry still in his eyes.
I ran a hand down the middle of his chest and paused over his heart. “But your heart is what really drew me in,” I admitted. “It bleeds for the people you love. It bleeds for justice. And it’s terrified of being mangled.”
His eyes widened, and he took in a shaky breath. “Terrified? Me? Pfft.”
I wanted to laugh again, but I didn’t dare. “All that stuff you know about me? All the why’s behind the things I do? Well, I know a few things about you now too. You had your own family expectations that you had to break away from. You had to find your own purpose, just like I did. You’re scared of getting hurt, of being abandoned. You don’t want to let anyone else down ever again or prove yourself unworthy of their love.” I ran my fingers through his wild, wet hair. “Did you ever think that someone whose love is conditional on your perfection isn’t someone worth loving?”
Instead of responding, he took the words in and tasted them, rolled them around in his mouth to determine how he felt about them and how they fit into his reality.
“I can’t afford to lose Champ and the team.” His words were so soft I could barely hear them over the sound of the furnace on the other side of the bedroom wall. “They’re all I have. They’re my family.”
“Mine too.” I brushed a thumb across his cheek. “Do you know why Riggs was assigned to Carter’s protection detail in Venezuela instead of a junior security agent?” After living with Riggs for a few months, I’d picked up on plenty of stories of Champ and his team.
Hux’s forehead crinkled in confusion. He probably thought I was changing the subject. I wasn’t. “He fucked up. Offended a client. He was being punished.”
I nodded. “He fucked up badly. He lost the firm’s largest client. He put the entire company in jeopardy.”
Hux’s eyebrows remained furrowed. “Yeah. Well, it turned out okay, and we got the client back, so…?”
I cupped his face. “My point is, Riggs lost Champ millions of dollars in annual revenue. He put the entire company at risk. And Champ didn’t fire him. Didn’t stop caring about him. Didn’t for one minute stop trusting him to do the job.”
The frown melted away from Hux’s face. “Ah. I see what you’re doing now. You think you’re smart.”
“No. I know I’m smart. A very smart man I respect and trust told me so just recently,” I teased, moving closer to him so I could feel him in my personal space.
Hux pulled my hand away from his heart and kissed the center of my palm. His eyes never left mine. “Did I?” he teased. “I don’t recall saying that.”
“Oh, no, I didn’t mean you. I meant Carter.” I grinned and poked Hux gently in the ribs. “I meant to tell you, Smitty finally wrote back and explained why he was leaving the game.” I huffed out a laugh. “And then Carter and I talked. He explained many things, like a shit ton of things. So many things I feel like I’ll be mining his sleep gems for years just to thank him.” I bit my lip. “But I think my biggest takeaway was this: the past is done. You and I were both immature idiots who didn’t know how to acknowledge what was going on between us. We were scared. We tried to protect ourselves. It’s what we do from here on out that matters. And I believe you. I trust you. I trust us. Okay?”
“Ah, Kev. Fuck.” Hux’s words seemed anguished. “You are the best thing— I don’t know what—”
“Hush,” I said, leaning up to kiss him, grateful that I got the opportunity to reassure Hux this time—and finally understanding that it wasn’t a burden to reassure the person you cared about. “It’s gonna be okay.”
We didn’t speak again for a long time. Our mouths were too busy drinking each other in, sipping each other’s secrets and tasting the promise of a future.
The next morning, when Hux disappeared upstairs to work and I hopped on my own computer to catch up on messages and emails, Henry Cavill threw me for a loop.
