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If I did, all he’d do was dig his heels in and resist. Maybe even back off and shut me out.
So, yes, tonight had been a step forward, but that didn’t mean it was a solid one. He could still stumble backward.
As soon as the door opened, a naked Chase approached the end of the bed. “You good?”
Him checking in with me again confirmed that he cared about others. The razor-wire topped fence he had constructed around himself was only to protect him. He was living the old idiom, “once bitten, twice shy.”
“I’m fine. Are you?” When he didn’t answer, I knew he was emotionally wobbly. No surprise. “It’s not cheating, Chase. No matter how it feels right now.”
“You don’t have to tell me that again. I know what it was and what it wasn’t.”
Oh yes, someone was a bit touchy. “But do you?”
“Stop thinking you know me better than I know myself. You don’t know me.”
“No, I don’t know you as much as I’d like to. If you’d let it happen.”
“As friends?”
I jerked one shoulder up. “Friends. Or more.”
“I don’t want more.”
I swept a hand over the bed. “We just did more. And if you say it was a mistake, I’m letting Timber back in the bedroom to bite your ass.”
“He won’t bite me.”
That wasn’t a lie. “Because you’ve corrupted him.”
“He’s needy. Just like his owner.”
My eyebrows shot up my forehead. “Oooh. Are you making a joke?”
“Actually no. I was being serious.”
I slapped my bare knee and did a laugh-snort. “You are making jokes!”
He sighed, grabbed his boxers from the floor and yanked them up his thick, darkly-furred legs.
I was surprised when he didn’t do the same with his jeans. However, I didn’t say a word so I wouldn’t spook him like a mole peeking his head out of his tunnel in the daylight.
I had to handle this whole “after-sex” thing carefully.
I climbed off the bed. “I’m grabbing some water. Do you want some?”
“I have to go.”
“No, you don’t. There is nothing and nobody waiting for you up at that cabin.” I tipped my head to the bed. “Sit down. Let me grab you a bottle of water.” Then we can talk.
Of course, I wouldn’t say that last part out loud, either, giving him a reason to freak out and split.
Without waiting for an answer, I headed to the kitchen, and, of course, as soon as I opened my bedroom door, Traitor Timber practically barreled over me when he rushed to get to Chase. I cursed under my breath and retrieved two cold bottles of water from the fridge.
I found when I got back to the room that Chase wasn’t petting a disappointed Timber. No, he sat on the edge of the mattress with his head down, his elbows planted on his thighs and his hands dangling between his spread knees. He stared at his wedding band, spinning it as was his habit.
I bit back the words wanting to spew from me because I reminded myself for the hundredth time that one, I needed patience with this man, and two, everyone handled grief differently and on their own timeline.
I offered him the water. “You held back.”
He snagged the bottle from my fingers and, with a furrowed brow, lifted his gaze to my face. “What are you talking about?”
“You warned me twice about how you wouldn’t be gentle. Why tell me that and not follow through?”
He cracked open the lid on the water, tipped his head back, drawing my eyes to his working throat as he swallowed a third of it.
When he was done, he wiped the back of his wrist over his mouth. “Are you saying you’re disappointed?”
“Let’s get this straight right now… I am far from disappointed. Having sex with you was more satisfying than I would like to admit. I actually wished it had sucked so I wouldn’t be tempted to have sex with you again,” I teased. “Even so, there was no reason to hold back.”
“I didn’t.”
“Bullshit.”
“If you want the truth—”
“I always want the truth.” The only people who preferred lies were people too fragile to handle the truth. That wasn’t me and never would be. To me, lies could cause more damage than facing the truth head on.
The truth might be painful but at least it was real.
“Here’s the truth… I pulled myself back because I was beginning to lose control. I was afraid of hurting you.”
I was afraid of hurting you. One more piece of evidence that proved deep down he was a caring man. I just needed to peel away the tough, scarred layers to get to the true Chase.
“Unless you’re into some kinky bondage or even blood or breath play, you aren’t going to hurt me. Or freak me out. I don’t mind it rough. Though, I also enjoy the gentle moments that go hand in hand with shared intimacy. Either way, the most important part when it comes to sex is that it’s good. We should be able to agree on that if nothing else.”
