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“My child is not a mistake,” she growls back and she looks ferocious doing it, reminding me of a mama bear protecting her cub. I like it. I like seeing that from her, especially when talking about a child I fathered.
I fathered.
Fuck me if I’m not still getting used to that.
“It’s our child and I didn’t mean it was a mistake, not like that. Shit, woman. Cut me some slack here. You storm into a church and throw this at me. I need a little time to get my head straight.”
“You can take all the time you need, Titan. No one is pressuring you to do anything. I’m not asking for one thing from you. I just… My aunt said you needed to know what was going on and she was right. I came here to tell you and I told you.”
“So now you’re leaving?”
“I have to get back to Texas. I want my child to grow up surrounded by family. That can happen in Texas.”
“It could happen here. I’m here. Aden, Hope and Jack are here. Our child would have family.”
“Aden and Hope travel more than they stay home. Besides, I like Texas.”
“I thought you wanted to go to Arkansas,” I remind her, remembering our earlier conversations and giving a weak smile as I think about it. It seems like forever ago now.
“Things change.” The intercom announces the boarding of the next plane and Faith holds up her ticket with a sad smile on her face. “I’ve got to go, Titan. You have my address if you need in touch with me.”
“You’re leaving? Just like that?”
“Just like that,” she answers and walks away.
I let her go. There’s nothing more I can do here, but Faith hasn’t seen the last of me.
Not by a long shot.
thirty-two
faith
“I need a ceiling fan above the table. Don’t you think, dear?” Ida Sue asks me as I come into the kitchen.
I yawn, looking up at the ceiling. I’ve been back in Texas a week, and I’m finally feeling like I’m getting control of my life again. I even have an appointment to look at an apartment today. I started work yesterday. I’m a secretary at the local elementary school. It’s not a glamorous job, it’s even a little boring. But I’m starting to think boring is just fine.
“It would look good up there. Why do you want a ceiling fan there, though? You have that killer light that Jansen made you,” I ask. She does. It’s a light that I’ve seen in magazines for big bucks. It’s made out of antlers and Jansen put a gloss on them so they shine. It’s very rustic and matches Ida Sue’s dining room perfectly. It’s not my taste, but definitely cool—plus, her man made it for her and that has to mean more than some out-of-the-store ceiling fan.
“This old table gets a lot of use. Hot is good and sweat too, because it means you’re working hard and enjoying it, but when you’re already sweating it’s a little too damn hot to enjoy the things that make you sweat more—no matter how fun. I’m thinking a fan would be good for those days. Not to mention having the wind blowing down… could add a little more to the overall experience.”
I blink. I blink again. Suddenly, I think we’re not discussing food or having family dinners.
“I’ll be late getting in, Ida Sue. I’m going to go by Petal’s shop after work. There’s an apartment upstairs for rent.”
“I still think it’s a bad idea. You’ve had the man calling you since you got here. He gives me a bad feeling.”
“He did me too. That’s why I left him. I don’t know why he’s calling now—I left him six months ago. I don’t understand, but at least he quit calling.”
“Probably because Black threatened to have his buddies in Dallas check into him,” Ida Sue murmurs and she’s most likely right. He hasn’t called since I got back from California though, so I’m taking that as a good sign.
“Yeah,” I agree, wondering how my life got so complicated.
“I don’t see why you have to move out anyway. Jansen and I love having you here. You’ve got Petal’s room and you can turn little River’s old room into a nursery. It’s perfect,” she says and I can’t help the smile I get at her words.
I’ve never had a real family. My father loved us, but he was struggling with many things—most of those being a woman who owned his heart but liked to grind it into the ground, and she did that often. Aunt Ida Sue always cared about us, but we had distance between us so she couldn’t always be there. Our other aunt tried her best to help, but there was only so much she could do because she was a lot older than my father or even Ida Sue. Being here has probably been one of the best times in my life.
