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I stood there staring at him, naked, covered in cum, clothes in my hands. I wasn’t sure what to say to that. No one called me on my pretending. They just acted like they thought I was okay, if only to make things easier on them. Everyone except Molly.
“I’ve never seen you pout before, and you told me I wasn’t irresistible. I don’t think people ask you what’s wrong enough, so while we do this, I will. You deserve that. Maybe when we’re done, you’ll start demanding it from others.”
I was really struck speechless, didn’t know how to respond. But the fact that he’d asked, that he’d make a point to do it every weekend now…damned if it didn’t get my insides all fired up in a confusing way.
“Ah hell. I’m sorry.” I dropped my clothes and plopped my naked ass on his armchair.
“I think we can both agree that you have a lot less to apologize for than I do.”
“Not really. I’m thinkin’ you got all sorts of reasons you believe you need to, reasons I’m not privy to, so to me, nope, you don’t need to apologize more than I do. Unless it’s because I gotta pry words out of you most of the time, and you gotta admit, I was right about the grumpy thing.”
He smiled. I loved earning those and wanted more.
“What’s wrong?” he asked again.
“Should we get dressed first? I’m not wearing anything but body hair and cum. Feels a little weird talking about important shit like this.”
“What’s wrong?” He was starting to sound like a broken record.
“Anyone ever tell you you’re a stubborn thing?”
“Often.”
I sighed. “Don’t know really. Nothin’ and everything, if that makes sense. Nothin’ new, really. It’s just my life, but this week, it feels like everything, and I can’t say why. I reckon it’s just building up? Like Tuesday I went to Aunt Sherry and Uncle Bob’s for dinner. She pushed me to try and get Mama to go, which I wanted. I wanted her to go, but why is it always me? Why couldn’t Sherry help too? And when she tries, she’s just full of nothin’ but judgment, which makes Mama do the complete opposite and feel worse about herself. They’re adults, and sometimes I feel like I’m the older one. So Sherry’s telling me to get her to come, Mama’s fighting against it. I go alone, and my aunt’s makin’ me feel guilty, like what my mom does or doesn’t do is my fault, and I gotta work harder, and tellin’ me what I should do and…fuck, I’m tired, Em. So goddamned tired of it all.”
I took a breath, waited for him to interrupt, waited for him to tell me what I needed to do, but he didn’t. He just…let me speak, so I did.
“So then I go home feelin’ like the world’s worst son. I talked to Mama about going to therapy again and going to AA. She got sad because that’s what she does. She feels bad for hurting me or letting me down, which makes me feel bad for voicin’ it, and nothin’ ever changes. She said she’d go, but either I’ll have to keep pushing her to do it before she does, or she won’t do it at all; or she will, but I know it’s only for me, and that means she won’t ever get better. She’s gotta want to do it for herself, right?”
“Yes.”
Now that I’d started, I couldn’t seem to stop. I told him how at work they assumed I could pick up a route this weekend without even asking because good ole Sammy Saunders is a pushover and people can get me to do anything. They’d acted like I was an asshole for saying no, when it was the first time I ever did. I told him about Jasper and Sutton and how I was even jealous of my cousin and his best friend. That when I was little and Mama was having a hard time and I had to stay there, I’d hear them laughing and talking all night and felt left out. “I know that sounds stupid…”
“No, it doesn’t,” Emerson said, and somehow, hearing it from him made me believe it.
I didn’t know how long I talked, but it was a long time. The cum dried on us. The day faded to evening, and we just sat in his living room, naked, while I rambled on, feeling sorry for myself. But damned, it felt good to have someone listen, someone who felt like they were on my side and had nothing to gain. Molly was always on my side, but she was so tied to Ryland and my family that it just felt different with her.
I went on and on until my stomach growled loud enough to interrupt me and earn me another of Emerson’s smiles. “Sorry. I feel a little foolish rattlin’ on like that.”
