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I reached for her. We hugged, honesty between us for the first time. This was her rock bottom, and I guessed it was mine too. The slate was clean for both of us, blank for us to decide the route we took and the map we left behind. But I was making my own. Regardless of her journey, I was making my own.
“Who is he?” she asked when I pulled away.
My heart punched my chest. “How do you know?”
“Just do.”
“Emerson Fox.” I paused, waited for her reaction, and when I didn’t get one, continued. “I love him so much. It’s like my insides make sense for the first time in my life. I know that probably worries you, because of the stories, because of the age difference, but—”
“I trust you,” Mom interrupted. “You been grown your whole life because of me. If anyone can make their own decisions, it’s you. I can’t say it’s not worrisome…”
“He didn’t do it. I swear I know he didn’t do it.”
She winced, and I knew she was struggling with that part of me and Emerson. How could she not? It would obviously be scary for anyone who didn’t know him, for anyone to have their son say he was in love with a man who had been on trial for murder. But then she said, “He was found innocent. There are many things I’m guilty of. If I can’t give a man who was found innocent a chance, well, I don’t deserve a chance either.”
“Can I tell you about him?”
“I was just about to ask.”
I gave her another hug, kissed her forehead the way I always did, pulled up a chair, and talked to her about Emerson.
We talked for hours before Mama said, “I’d like to meet him.”
“Really?”
“Yep.”
I couldn’t hold back my smile, didn’t want to. It was like all my dreams were coming true, some I didn’t even know I had.
Me: Can you come to the hospital?
Emerson: Of course. Is everything okay?
Me: Everything is falling into place.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Emerson
It didn’t take me long to get to the hospital. I had no idea what was going on. I told myself it was fine, Sam had said it was, but I wasn’t a real optimistic person by nature. In my head, everything was about to go wrong.
He was waiting in the hallway by her room when I arrived. I hadn’t been inside, hadn’t seen his mom since her accident. From what I knew, she didn’t even know I was there.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
He just leaned in and kissed me, and damn, I wouldn’t ever get enough of that.
Sam took my hand and tugged, taking a step toward the door. When I hesitated, he said, “Trust me,” and I did. There wasn’t anyone in the world I trusted more. So I followed, letting Sam lead me into her room. “Emerson, this is my mama, Carrie. Mama, this is my boyfriend, Emerson.”
Those words were the blood that fed my heart. Part of me still struggled to believe them, that I deserved them, but he was offering, and like I said, I trusted him.
I stepped forward and held out my hand, “Ms. Saunders, hi. It’s nice to officially meet you.”
“You too.” We shook. Her hold was loose, and her gaze darted to Sam. “Can you give us a few minutes, please?” she asked Sam.
I knew without looking that surprised Sam. “Mama…”
“It’s fine,” I told him. “We’ll be okay.” Sam nodded before slipping out of the room and closing the door behind him.
“Please, sit down,” she said, signaling for the chair beside her bed.
I took it, tried to figure out what to say, how to make sure she understood how much Sam meant to me, that I knew he deserved better, but that I would always take care of him.
“Bet you think I’m the world’s worst mom.”
I hadn’t expected that. “I was thinking you probably think I’m the world’s worst boyfriend choice for Sam.”
She laughed softly, before wincing. “That’s my Sammy, I guess. He’s so good, he makes up for everyone around him, makes us want to do what we can to be like him. He’s the kind of person who would choose us, when not a lot of people would.”
She was right about that. He chose her even over himself, and he chose me when I came with a world of baggage. “I’ll do everything in my power so he doesn’t regret it. I want to be better for him. I want to find every way to make him happy.”
“Just love him, be good to him, treat him right. That’s all Sammy needs. Not the fancy stuff, just the kind of love he deserves. I’m sure that sounds ridiculous, coming from me. I’m the person who is supposed to take care of him the most, and I’m the one who hurt him the most. I’m not gonna be that person to him anymore. I’m going to heal up from this, and then I’m going into a program. I’m gonna take it seriously this time, and I’m gonna get better. I don’t want any more tears because of me.” She wiped at her own. “I need to heal myself, and I’m finally ready to do that. I can’t say why it’s important to me that you know that, but it is.”
