AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Zayne linked his hands on top of his head and stared up at the ceiling. “There will always be people—your mother’s not the only one—who will never see me as more than that name. It’s not the same as you—your mom’s a snob. My dad died inprison. I’ll always be a Rutledge.” He looked back to her, his hands falling to his sides in defeat. “And that will stainyou. I can’t do that. I won’t.” He wanted to take her hands, but touching her was more than he could handle right now. “I love you too much to do that to you.”
She stood frozen, staring at him. There, he’d said it. He wanted her to know. After what seemed like an eternity, she shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks. “Oh my God. You’re just like her.”
“Like who?”
“You’re just like my mom. Thinking of no one but yourself.”
“I just told you Ilovedyou. How is that not thinking of you?”
She wiped at her cheeks with the back of her hands and moved farther from his reach. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t be chased off by a few words from a woman who doesn’t thinkanyonelives up to her precious standards.” Her voice continued to harden. “You’re just as afraid of what people think as she is. So afraid that you can’t see what’s right in front of your eyes.”
She hit her own chest with the flat of her hand. “I’m standing here, loving you—reallyloving you. And all you can think of is some faceless, nonexistent mob out there and whattheymight think—instead of whatIthink. Instead of what your friends think.” She took a shaky breath, the hardness falling from her voice...replaced with sorrow. “Bad things happened in your youth. I know that. But I’m loving youright now. My mother controlled my entire world twenty years ago, and I was a coward. But I outgrew that. Now it’s your turn.”
“I’m not a coward.” The words felt false as soon as he spoke them.
Andrea shook her head, pity filling her eyes. That hurt far more than her anger. “You’ve just been waiting for me to remember you’re aRutledge, expecting me to leave you as soon as that happens.” He shook his head, but they both knew she was spot-on. “Look how happy your brother is these days, and Luke had the same hard start that you did.” She gestured around the semi-dark shop. “You have a successful business. You bought a freakin’ farm. You have a dog. And my son adores you.” Zayne’s mouth twitched at that. He adored Hudson right back. Then he remembered how Marissa had snatched Hudson out of his arms at the diner.
“Your mother isn’t happy about that.”
Her eyes flared in renewed anger. “I don’t care what my mother thinks about who I love. And my four-year-old is a far better judge of character than his grandmother is.”
She’d just said shelovedhim. He wanted to believe they could be happy.
“I don’t know.” He scrubbed his hands down his face. “It’s not that easy to shake off a lifetime of...being less in people’s eyes. Maybe I’m imaginingsomeof it, but...” He looked at her, realizing she’d been exactly right about him being selfish. “Yes, I do it to protect myself.”
She pursed her lips, nodding slowly. “I know. But I don’t want to be constantly wondering when you’re going to do this—when you’re going to hear something and just...panic. If you’re going to love me—reallylove me—you’re going to have to leave the past in the past.” Her eyes glistened with fresh tears, each one a razor slice on his heart. “You once said that when you care, you care one hundred percent. That’s what I need from you. One hundred percent. Can you give me that?”
“I can. I just don’t know if Ishould. You deserve better.”
Silence hung in the shop like a heavy, smothering blanket.
“And there you go,” she finally said softly, “retreating again. Call me when you’re ready to give your all. Becausethat’swhat I deserve.”
CHAPTER TEN
“YOUSLAPPEDHIM?” Tani blew out a breath. “That’s one way to knock some sense into him.” She handed Andrea more tissues. “I take it that didn’t work, though?”
Andrea took the tissues, blowing her nose while shaking her head. They were sitting in a corner booth at the Shamrock, far from curious eyes. She’d come straight here from Zayne’s, after calling Tani and learning she was still at the pub. Tani had called in reinforcements, so Andrea was now crammed into a booth with Tani, Bridget and Whitney.
Andrea didn’t know Whitney all that well, but she understood why Tani had invited her. Whitney had married “a Rutledge” and knew what kind of baggage that could bring. But she’d been quiet so far, murmuring a few words of sympathy as Andrea wept, but that was it. Andrea looked across the table at her.
“It was a slap, not a slug, Tani.” She shifted in her seat. “Whitney, was Luke as screwed up as Zayne?”
Whitney’s eyebrows rose. “Oh, honey—Luke was a giant ball of anger when we met. He didn’t trustanyone, least of all his boss’s niece. He assumed everyone he met was out to screw him over. Except Aunt Helen, of course.” She smiled, taking a sip of wine. “The fact that he cared so much about her showed me there was a heart in there under all that resentment.” Her smile faded. “Then he thought I doubted him. And that was all it took—bam!—the walls went right back up.”
“Yes!” Andrea leaned forward. “Those damn Rutledge walls! How did you get rid of that?”
Whitney shrugged. “I didn’t. What happened to that family caused some deep damage. But I basically staged a public intervention to prove to him how many people cared about him in this town. Even then, I had to fight to keep him from walking away. It was touch and go there for a while. That hurt, but I can be just as stubborn as Luke—”
“I’ll vouch for that!” Evie laughed.
Tani agreed. “Girl, the two of you were like two mountain goats going at it. No one knewwhatwas going to happen!”
Whitney straightened, flipping her dark hair back playfully and preening a little. “Oh,Iknew what was going to happen. I was gettin’ my man. And I did.” The others laughed, but she looked at Andrea. “It still took a while for him to relax into loving me without thinking he was ‘bad for me’ or whatever.” She’d made air quotes with her fingers for thebad for mepart.
“That’s what Zayne is worried about. I told him he was a coward, but I think he really is worried his name will hold me back somehow.”
“I’m sure he is,” Whitney said. “Those kids grew up with no stability at all. Their dad was in and out of prison. Their mom was often zonked out on booze. All the people who were supposed to love them...leftthem. Their trust and abandonment issues run really deep. You’ve got to be ready, because it never fully goes away.”
