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Her brow hikes.
“It’s not like that,” I assure, knowing she’s thinking back to when she and Greg were new, and he sent her a vibrator.
“What’s he sending then?”
Another quick look and seeing that Matty is still safely occupied in his room, I open the button on my jeans and inch them down just enough to show her the panties he sent yesterday.
“Oh my God, he’s sending you lingerie?” Then her eyes pop wide. “Wait, is that a picture of amuffin?”
“Yeah, with a little bite taken out of it. Seriously, it’s so cute in this dirty Rux kind of way.”
“Unconventional romantic, huh?”
That he is. And sweet and sexy and such a freaking amazing human being, I’m having to remind myself more and more that this thing with him isn’t forever. The friendship is. But it’s my access to this other side of him that buys me panties with a picture of his favorite snack on them that’s got a ticking clock on it.
“So... are these the only panties or are those other packages from pairs with pictures of... ribs and suckers on them too?”
“There’s a pair with a dandelion and the words ‘blow me’. And—” I think about the ones from Valentine’s Day that say, ‘Rux, licked it first, so it’s his’ and decide against sharing the specifics. “There are a bunch. They’re all kind of a blend of cute and sexy. And super comfy. No thongs.”
“Really?I would have thought he’d be a thong guy.”
“Me too, actually, and maybe he was with the other women he’s been with. But with me, it’s like he only buys me stuff that fits exactly who I am.”
Julia’s smile gets a little wobbly and she takes a deep breath. “Because you’re everything he wants, just the way you are.”
I nod, my smile starting to stretch out of control. For what we have now, yeah.
“So you just wear his panties and then... tell him about them when he calls?”
I’m suddenly completely engrossed in wiping up a bit of nothing from the counter. Fiddling with the cooking utensils in the pitcher by the range.
“Cammy,” she whisper-gasps, and then she’s the one rushing to the doorway to check that the coast is clear. “Spill!”
“Okay, okay, I don’tjusttell him about them. I might take a picture for him.” Or even indulge in a video call, though up until last night, they hadn’t escalated quite so intensely.
“You dirty girl!”
That’s what he said. But with more reverence and appreciation than my sister’s delighted shock.
“So, that’s kind of a big deal. Or maybe it isn’t,” she hedges, cocking her head. “It would be for me.”
“It was for me too.” I move to the table where we used to spend every night catching up when she still lived here. Sliding into my chair, I run my hand over the grain of the table. “I mean, I never would have done that with any of the other guys I dated.” I wouldn’t have even been tempted. “But this is Rux, and I trust him.”
He hadn’t even asked me to send that first picture. He’d just been giving me that deep rumbling moan, talking about how hard it got him knowing I was wearing the panties he sent me. Imagining them on me.
I liked hearing this big, hot hockey stud with so much experience in his past getting all worked up because ofme. And I’d just done it. Taken the sexy selfie and sent it to him, never doubting that it would be safe in his hands.
Julia slides into the chair across from mine. “Does this mean things are maybe getting more serious… in a real way between you?”
“You know how you always said if a guy says he isn’t good enough… I should believe him?”
“Yeah,” she says warily. “But—”
“Julia, he doesn’t want kids. And he told me himself, when it comes to relationships, he’s not someone I could count on and he’d never want to let me down like that.”
Her shoulders sag as she leans back in her chair. “I guess that kind of straightforward warning would be pretty hard to ignore.”
I nod, but I don’t mention that there are times, when I’m tucked into Rux’s arms while we watch some docuseries late at night, that it’s easier to forget than she’d think. And when that happens, when for just a few moments, I stop reminding myself that this thing between us won’t last, it feels like I could be happy forever.
