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“Eww, Sal.”
Our eyes meet and together we say, “Harry!”
Julia flattens her hand over the tabletop and takes a breath. “Cammy, we could go on listing Mom’s shitty boyfriends one after the next, straight through till morning. But thoseguysweren’t the real problem.”
“I know.” It’s a quiet concession. Nothing new, but still never easy to say out loud.
Our mother was so caught up in the drama of her love life, in her cycle of bad decisions, and whatever jerk she’d sacrifice anything not to lose, she had nothing left for us. If it weren’t for Julia—I don’t even want to think about what would have happened to me.
I don’t want that for my son.
“Cammy, you’ve already given Matty all the things we never had. You put him first in every choice you make. You love him with everything you are. And more than that, you’ve given him a network of family and friends he can count on. That little boy has stability and security in spades.”
And I never want him to lose it. Especially not because I fall for a guy—no matter how amazing he might be—who doesn’t want the same things I do.
My phone pings and I smile. “Matty says they’ll be home in about ten minutes.”
My sister sits back. “They’llbe home, huh? Is that what you’re hoping for with Jeremy, now that he’s back? After his adventure… maybe a littletired?”
“What, no! No way. Absolutely not. Nuh-uh. Not even a little bit.”
When I’m done, she cocks her head. “How’s he looking these days, anyway?”
Jeremy was eighteen the last time my sister saw him. A kid. Since then he’s been married, he’s been divorced, and he’s traveled the world.
“He looks like… Jeremy. But like a grown-up Jeremy.” It’s been seven years.
Her shoulders sag, and her mouth twists into this dissatisfied little frown.
I reach for my tea. “What did you want me to say?”
“I don’t know, I guess I was just hoping the guy would’ve lost all his hair or gotten plugs. Bad ones. Grown some benign but inoperable hump on his back.”
Clicking my tongue, I smile. “You’re sweet to want that for me.”
“I want the best for you.” Her voice drops to a whisper. “And the best would mean that Jeremy had an outside that matched his rotten, selfish inside.”
There have been times I would have agreed with that assessment of the man who promised me forever and then left me pregnant and alone. Times I would have called him every name in the book. Almost as many times as I cried myself to sleep imagining what it would be like to have him come back. To me. To us.
But now that heisback—for Matty—I don’t really know what to think.
“Well unfortunately, or maybe fortunately—I don’t even know—he looks pretty much the same as always. Handsome in that kind of understated way. Fit, but obviously nothing like Rux or Greg. His hair is still thick and blond. Nose still straight. Eyes still—”
“Whoa! That’s enough of that.” Julia levels me with a no-nonsense look. “When you describe that guy, I want to throw up. Because I can hear in your voice the same blind adoration that was there back in high school. And this guy hasn’t earned it. If I ask you what he looks like? You can tell me ‘he looks okay.’ That’s it. And if you find yourself thinking about how thick his hair is, think about somebody whose hair is thicker.” She starts snapping her fingers. “Quick, give me a name. Who has thick hair?”
“Ruxhas good thick hair.” Not that I think of him that way. But his hair is actually pretty spectacular. It’s this warm brown with a bit of red that comes out in the sun. Long around his face. Always looks like he just rolled out of bed. But in a good way. A little wild.
The grin is back. “That’s what I’m talking about. So how’s Jeremy looking these days?”
I roll my eyeshardbut give her what she’s after. “He’s okay.”
“Still pretty fit?”
Cripes. “I guess.” And then, because she’s my sister and teasing is one of our love languages, I fan my face with my hand, making my eyes as wide as they can go. “But not like Rux. Becausethat guyhas it going on.” I throw in a sigh. “Well over six feet tall, solid packed muscle on a frame that doesn’t quit. And his face? Hard cut and just a little rough around the edges…yummy. But the best thing about him?”
Julia’s hands are clasped under her chin, her eyes shining with delight. “Spill it.”
There’s a knock at the door and I stand, pausing only to say, “He’s not any more interested in me than I am in him.”
