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Hudson
Time has seemed to pass quickly. I spend my days on the bus, sometimes hanging out with the boys, sometimes by myself. Nick has tried several times to get me to call Charlotte, but at this point I just hope she’s happy. Maybe met a nice chap who treats her well. I hate that it’s not me, but it can’t be, so I trudge on through my days. City after city, concert after concert. We went on the tele a few times for interviews and I was told to not embarrass Sophia, so I had to lie and announce to the entire world that she was a good time. Ryan said playing up the playboy image was my best option. It doesn’t much matter anymore I suppose. I’ve written a million terrible songs for Charlotte and even though I hate them I keep them. A sad reminder of my forever broken heart. Somehow, I feel like if I keep them, I’m keeping a part of her. I make everything worse on myself every single night for the past few months and scroll through the pictures on my phone of the two of us. I managed to snap one of her in the record room writing and I remember that day so well. I had her against a shelf and it was extra hot trying to be quiet so no one would know what we were up to. This picture is usually my go-to for masturbating purposes. I’m not much of a rock star I’m afraid, haven’t bedded one groupie or anyone since Charlotte. Sad as it is, I tried one night, finally drinking again and at an all-time low. She was blond with curly hair and I thought maybe I could pretend, but everything was wrong, and I felt so guilty for even kissing her. I ran out of the hotel room shirtless and disgusted with myself. Needless to say, I’m back to not drinking. I hit a gym whenever I can and have started the keto diet craze. I’ve been reading a lot of sci-fi books to keep me busy. The boys and I rehearse in the bus every day and Nick will drag me out to the movies or the dreaded mall in whatever town we happen to be in. He says I need to get out more and need to stay out of my own head as much as possible if all I’m going to do is think about my heartache. I think I’m getting better but mostly I just try to stay busy. It seems to help.
Tonight, we’re preparing for a big show back in Hollywood after all this time. The concert features thirty bands, both big and small, new artists and long-time legends. It has a lot of press and should be a great set. I come out of the tiny shower in just a towel, finding it impossible to change in there. Everyone is in the far back, so I close the curtain divider between the front and the back, then pull out my black jeans and a white t-shirt with our logo on it. Yeah, go ahead and judge me but for a kid who dreamed of the day his band’s name meant something, I’m proud to be a sellout.
Ryan brings food into the bus and lets us know we have rooms at the Hyatt in town after the show if we want them. He begs Bandit not to destroy any property this time and my friend just laughs at him. I would be worried, but it only happened once and in Bandit’s defense, it was because he had taken a married woman back to his room and her husband came knocking and broke the door to get to them. We were all nearby and came to his rescue but a lot of the furniture in the room ended up in pieces.
Chowing down on tacos, Ryan goes on telling us the name of all the bands playing at tonight’s event and soon it’s time to make our way there.
Pulling up, it looks like Woodstock but in the city. Several stages are set up and surrounded by people on blankets. It reminds me a bit of the concert I took Charlotte to, but I do my best not to keep thinking about it.
The sun is setting, and we make our way to the back of the stage that we’ll be playing. Across the sea of people, a familiar girl group is playing. I remember the song and I climb the stairs and stay in the dark shadows so no one realizes I’m up here and gets the wrong idea. Before I get my eyes on their stage, the song changes and I hear an even more beautiful and familiar voice. It’s Charlotte. I would recognize it anywhere. I can’t see very well from this distance, but I see her bright-blond curls. Turning to rush down the stairs, I pass the boys who start yelling at me. We’re next and set to start right after this song but I have to get to her. This might be my only chance to see her again. Listening to her words, as I do my best to plow through the crowd of people, I notice the pain, the longing, and feel exactly what she means. Could this song be about me, about us and how we ended? The set is over before I even get halfway between our stages. The girls of the group I can’t remember the name of, all come front and center as my siren makes her way to the side and down the stairs and out of sight. The girls say their thank yous and applause continues as I become desperate to get to Charlotte before it’s too late. I try a new route and make my way to the side so I can get a glimpse of her and stop dead in my tracks as she’s in the embrace of another man. He’s tall and built and unfortunately not Marcus. My heart seems to crumble to dust as hope seeps from my body. She did find some nice bloke and I try to tell myself it’s for the best as she leaves with him.
When I can no longer see her, I turn back to the stage and slowly make my way to join the boys. I get dirty looks, but Nick just nods up at the mic. He might not have seen her, but he won’t give me a hard time about being late to start. They start playing our first song and I join in, trying to forget I ever saw her. It’s useless but I get through our few songs and find relief when it’s over and I can go to our hotel. Nick joins me but lucky for him, he keeps his mouth shut. Unfortunately, he invites himself into my room and I growl my annoyance but let him stay.
“Okay, broody, what happened tonight?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Is it as bad as when you tried drinking your way over her? Did you see Sophia or something?”
“No. I saw Charlotte. She performed.”
He sits up from lying on my bed and I plop down on the couch and turn on the tele.
“Wow. Did she see you?”
“No.”
“Did you say anything to her?”
“No.”
“Are you going to give me any other information here or am I going to have to ask a million detailed questions to figure it out?”
A heavy sigh leaves me, and I grit my teeth. “I didn’t make it close enough to her to say anything and even if I did, it would have been pointless. I saw her hugging her boyfriend after the show and watched them leave together. Happy now?”
“Fuck, no. Of course not. So, you’re telling me you saw her walk hand in hand with a guy you are assuming is her boyfriend?”
“Not holding hands just hugged when she was finished singing and then walked off together.”
“Wait. They didn’t hold hands. Did they kiss?”
“No.” I grit my teeth harder at the thought of having to witness that.
“I don’t think that was her boyfriend then. Would you have kissed her after seeing her perform? I mean Charlie was a super shy girl when we met her; isn’t it a pretty big deal for her to have been up there at all?”
I think about what he’s saying. The ashes left from my heart perk up to listen.
“I just don’t think her new boyfriend would have only hugged her or vice versa. You know how it felt after your first ever show; did you feel like only hugging a pretty girl?”
Of course I didn’t. I fucked a groupie until she couldn’t walk but I was eighteen years old and a total idiot. Charlotte’s no idiot but she is a very sexual being, and I’m seeing his point.
“What did she sing anyway?”
I remember her lyrics and that damn hope rises even more.
“A new song. It kinda sounded like it could have been about the two of us.”
