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Charlie
Darren drops me off at home and I yawn as I wave goodbye. What an incredible night. Being up on stage in front of thousands of screaming fans was nothing like I had imagined. It was so much more. The adrenaline had me bouncing in the seat the entire drive home. I cranked the radio in Darren’s car and sang without a care in the world. He drove down with all of us, the girls of Wallflower and Marcus too, but they wanted to stay in LA and mingle while Darren had an early morning and no matter how much I might have changed, when it comes to mingling, I’ll still take a hard pass.
Riding the high all the way upstairs to my apartment, I drop my purse on the chair and grab a beer to wind down. Tonight was one I will never forget, and I wouldn’t have done it without Hudson’s lessons. I laugh a bit to myself, taking the last pull of my beer and remembering the body painting warehouse. I hope wherever he is, he’s happy and enjoying the rock star life. He deserves all his dreams to come true.
I finally fall asleep after an hour of tossing and dream again about a man I’ll never see again.
The morning comes too early, and the coffee isn’t strong enough, when a knock sounds at my front door. I think I might have dreamed it. A second knock sounds and I grumble and get up off the island bar stool, shuffling my way to the door. I only crack it open a tiny bit because I’m not wearing a bra, and to my surprise I see the very last person I ever thought would be at my door.
“Hello, beautiful.” His strong accent wakes my body up. I’m stunned speechless as Hudson stands before me. “Can I come in?”
“Hudson. Oh, um. Just a second.” I close the door, and after another moment of disbelief, I scurry to my bedroom and throw on a hoodie, pull my hair into a bun, and make my way back to the door. Pushing my glasses higher on my nose, I open the door wide enough for him to come in. Luckily, I just picked up the kitchen yesterday and the place doesn’t look half bad.
“Want a cup of coffee?”
“Yes, please.”
I head around the island into my little corner kitchen and grab a mug.
“I’m sorry to show up here so early but I saw you last night at the concert and I couldn’t get to you in time.”
I pause before turning around. If he saw me last night, there’s a strong possibility he heard my song and the lyrics that were written about him. Suddenly I feel like the old Charlie and my hands start to sweat. This hoodie was a terrible idea.
“Oh yeah? In time for what?” I say down to his coffee like a coward.
“I was stuck in the crowd as you left with your boyfriend.” He ends it like a question, and I smile and turn with the cup.
“I don’t have a boyfriend. You must have seen Darren; he’s just a friend and he waited for me to get done because I didn’t want to stay and party with the band.”
“Just your friend.” His smile lights a fire of hope inside me, but I try my hardest to put it out. I hand him the coffee and his fingers graze mine as he takes it. That old spark that I always felt when he touched me creeps up my fingers and through my arm.
“Just my friend. Well, he’s more Lyla’s friend than mine, but he wanted to check out the concert, so I invited him down the other day. He owns a local restaurant close by and we eat there a lot.”
“Does that mean I still have a chance?”
My heart skips a beat but the walls I’ve built up around my heart stay firmly in place.
“Chance at what, Hudson?”
He looks down at the mug and takes a deep breath.
“I’m so very sorry, Charlotte. For the way I left without saying goodbye. I never wanted to say goodbye and thought I would be back before we started the tour. The stupid media thing with Sophia isn’t true at all; in fact, I haven’t been with anyone since I left here and not a moment goes by that I don’t think about you.”
Wow, that was a lot of word vomit and a lot to take in. I guess it’s everything I’ve secretly dreamed of hearing but is it too good to be true? What could I possibly offer him as he travels the world?
“I think about you too, but what’s changed after all this time?”
Another deep sigh. “I don’t have any answers. I can’t promise you anything but being on the road has been lonely as fuck and I hate the distance between us. I feel way more for you than I ever have for anyone in my entire life, Charlotte. I don’t know the right things to say here but I want you.”
I swallow hard, my heart fighting my body. “I can’t just be a hookup girl anymore. I’ve changed a lot. Most of it is thanks to you, but I can’t deny I have way too many feelings for you. Feelings you don’t have to share but I can’t just sleep with you and then wave you off as you go to the next city and hope maybe next year you’ll roll back into my life.” As I say the words, my heart is drawn to him. I long to be wrapped up in his arms, hearing him tell me everything I want to hear. That he won’t leave. That he understands I’m so much more than just a girl to hook up with when he’s in town. Instead, I watch his face fall and then he nods.
“I just wanted you to know how I felt. I’m sorry I never told you before. I never wanted to hurt you and wish I could give you everything in the world because you deserve it all, Charlotte. You are by far the most amazing person I have ever met, and I feel way more feelings for you than I know how to express. I’m sorry I can’t give you what you deserve, my siren. I won’t bother you again, but if you ever need me or want to call me, hell maybe even answer my calls, I would love to hear from you.” He gets up from the chair slowly and heads for the door. With his hand on the knob and without turning to me, he asks, “The song you sang last night. Was it about me?”
I single tear runs down my cheek. “Yes.” I see him nod, and then he’s gone, closing the door behind him. I slide down to the floor and sob into my hands. My heart feels broken all over again. Knowing he feels more for me and still the world is against us hurts more than I thought possible. I thought I was getting over him, but I realize now he will always have a piece of my heart no matter our circumstances. I cry for what seems like hours and don’t bother taking a shower or getting dressed.
I watch the sun set behind my blinds as I lie in bed and wish for the millionth time since we met that things could be different.
