Page 11 of Under His Skin

I get to my feet, after taking a quick kiss to hold me over, then help her to hers. “Underneath that exterior, you’re a good man, Simon.”

“Don’t tell, okay?”

“Because you have a rep to protect?” It’s the first true mention either of us have made about who I am and what that entails. I appreciate that she acknowledged the elephant in the room, despite the fact we both would’ve preferred he remained invisible. My girl has guts and isn’t afraid to confront a challenge.

And being with me will definitely qualify as that.

**Bristol**

Who knew a supposedly ruthless crime boss could be so funny? Throughout dinner, which was delicious, Simon had me in stitches. Oof. Probably not a good idiom to use, all things considered.

I knew I liked him in the short time we’d spoken at the bar, and that hasn’t changed in the hours since. Does that make me a bad person? And if it does, and that doesn’t bother me, what does that say about me?

He’s a dichotomy. There’s the side I’ve seen – charming, sweet, affectionate, and protective – and what he shows the world – the aforementioned ruthless crime boss. It’s hard to reconcile that they’re one and the same, and trying to do so causes my head to hurt.

Following our meal, he’d brought out a chocolate soufflé that melted in my mouth. I’d only half-jokingly tried to eat his, too, which he graciously pushed toward me.

I did not do the polite thing and decline it either. I’d dug in and he’d laughed the whole time. When he admitted that he’d baked it, I was thankful he’d waited until after I’d finished. Otherwise, I might have spewed the dessert all over him, ruining his clothing and the treat he’d made for me. Us. Nah, me.

Now we’re watching a movie, cuddled together, and I’m warring with what I have to do versus what I want to. I’d asked him on a date, and did so without any thought to what I could learn for the talking heads. All I’d been thinking of was that I wanted to see him again. Just me and him. And yet, though I’d initiated it, he took care of the planning and it was more than I could’ve hoped for.

So is Simon.

Which makes me feel even more awful that I initially met him under the circumstances I did, and involved Jeremiah in it. Everything from that moment on was real, but a relationship built on a faulty foundation is bound to crumble.

I know what I have to do, but I delay doing so as long as possible, wanting every extra second I can have with him. Unfortunately, the time comes when I do have to go.

Knowing I’m about to break my own heart, that I don’t have any other choice because I can’t be party to his downfall, I stare Simon in the eyes and lie my ass off as I stand on the stoop. How fitting that it’s so cold I can see my breath. The chill is sweeping through my body, leaving ice in its wake and the realization that I’ll never be warm again.

“I’ll see you soon?” He asks as he takes my hand, his thumb swiping across the sensitive skin at my wrist.

“I don’t think so.” You can cry later, Foley. Tears will ruin the image you’re trying to project. The one that says he’s not good enough for you.

“What?” Simon is clearly confused by the abrupt turn this night has taken.

Withdrawing my hand, knowing I can’t get through this if he’s touching me, I destroy what we could have had. “This life you lead, it’s tainted. I can’t allow it to stain me. I have dreams, stuff I want to do, and they don’t include being with a man that can do the things you have without compunction.”

Let me go, I silently beg him. Please don’t make me say more. I’ll break.

“I see.” Fuck. His acceptance actually makes this hurt worse. I want to rub my chest, soothe the pain, but I know it’ll never leave me. It’ll haunt me forever. The what ifs, the what could’ve beens. The happiness I won’t be able to find with anybody else.

Not that I’d try. It’s Simon for me or no one.

“Simon…” he stops me.

“It’s okay, love.”

“It is?”

“The monster never gets the girl.” Then he drops a kiss on my forehead and shuts the door. On me. On us.

Chapter Eight

Bristol

March 30th…

“I fucked up,” I tell Jeremiah when he lets himself in my apartment. I should really ask for my spare keys back, but it’s too much work right now.

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