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Except our first fight was against each other. I won that fight because Sax refused to hit me. I could have done the same, I wanted to, but one look up to the balcony, and he was watching me, waiting to see my weakness, and I wouldn’t let him win. Sax said he didn’t blame me, but I would have if I was him. Every fight since, I have proved to my father that I’m the best. I put in the time and effort to be at the top, I won’t let him see me fail. Not now, not ever.
We walk side by side right to the end of the jetty. She finishes her ice cream by the time we reach the small bench seat that my mother had installed for the times we used to come down here and fish. The last time was the summer before high school.
Cyrus walks over to the railing and looks down at the water. It’s dark, besides the shining light from the stars and moon, which reflects off the water.
“What are you thinking about?” I ask her as I step up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist.
“Tomorrow,” is all she says, looking off in the distance. There is a slight wobble in her tone that sends a foreign feeling to my stomach.
“What’s tomorrow?” I ask, knowing I won’t like what I’m about to hear.
“The anniversary of my mum’s death.”
Shit, I wanted nothing more than to bend her over the railing and screw her brains out, but now isn’t the time. I’m not a complete asshole, okay, I am, but for some strange reason, I don’t want to exploit her missing her mother. My mum is my rock, my safe space, and I couldn’t imagine not having her. I wouldn’t be okay in this world without her.
“Let me take you home, and we can snuggle and watch Netflix .”
She turns to face me and throws her arms around my neck, pushing up on her tippy toes with tears in her eyes. “Diesel Briar wants to snuggle, alert the press,” she giggles.
“If you tell anyone, I’ll deny it.”
I smile down at her, and she giggles again, even though it’s almost forced. What the fuck is this girl doing to me? It’s moments like this that I can imagine giving all of this up for her. A move my fucking father has anticipated and made damn sure I wouldn’t by bringing Sax back. I wonder for a second if I could sway Sax onto my side, find him a pet project to keep him away from Cyrus, but as soon as I think it, I know it won’t work. His hatred of me is just as deep as his hatred for my father. It’s a pointless endeavour, and I just need to enjoy the damn ride while I can. Take a leaf out of her book and enjoy the day.
Chapter Twenty
Cyrus
The thumping in my brain wakes me for the hundredth time, and I’m surprised I even fell asleep last night. Diesel left around six this morning, as did everyone else, and I couldn’t get back to sleep. I worked my way through a sappy movie on Netflix that I can’t even remember the name of. I also ate all of somebody’s ice-cream and have no regrets.
At 8 am on the dot, I lost it, big fat ugly tears, snot bubbles, the works. This is the first year I have had to mourn the anniversary of my mother’s loss on my own. I don’t have Zeke to snuggle and watch a movie and bring me ice cream. We would spend twenty-four hours locked in my room while I cried. The poor guy was probably covered in my tears and snot by the end, but he never complained.
Now I’m alone, without my mum, without Zeke, and my father is too busy playing happy family with his child bride, who is barely much older than I am, and now I’m stuck here with people who are clueless as to what this day means to me. Diesel did hold me all night, but it just wasn’t the same.
The smell of bacon and coffee wafts through my room. I pull the blanket from over my head and jump out of bed. I follow the mouth-watering smell into the kitchen area. Cuy has his back to me, his blonde curls still wet from his morning surf. He turns, feeling my presence, but his face drops as he takes me in. I can only imagine how I look, I’m sure it’s not pretty.
“What’s wrong?” He asks, rushing to my side, pulling me into his arms.
“I have never had to grieve my mum alone before.” Even saying it out loud hurts, causing the tears to fall again. I figured I ran out of tears sometime around 4 am. He leads us to the couch and pulls me into a hug.
“Why didn’t you call me?” His arms tighten around me, and I rest my head on his chest.
“It’s not the same, Zeke was just always there.” I feel him kiss my head.
“Tell me about him.” I sit up in his lap, and a small smile reaches my lips.
“He was my world, we did everything together. All our firsts and our awkward stages, he was my person. When my mum died, he was what held me together, but now he’s gone, and I wish I died too. I did try to kill myself, but I failed. Ask me another time about a sex tape,” I snort. “That’s what landed me here. Anyway, last night, I had a dark moment after the first movie Diesel and I were watching, finished. I held the box of pills in my hand in the bathroom and wondered what would happen if I took them all. Maybe I would just go to sleep and never wake up, then I could be with the two most important people in the world to me. But for the first time since Zeke died, I was afraid to die and I was paralysed with fear. I don’t think I want to die anymore.”
“I’m glad you’re here, I need someone like you in my life.”
***
I must fall asleep for a bit because I wake to the sound of voices.
“Damn, D is on his way up and is going to kill you. You might be his best friend, but that girl is driving him crazy.” I open my eyes and see everyone, minus Diesel, staring at us. Rebel smiles and winks at me.
“Whore.” Wilder coughs under his breath.
Cuyler pushes me from his lap and stands, he isn’t the only one that stands in my defence, Drixx and Rebel stand beside Cuy.
