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I push Diesel onto his back and throw a leg over his waist. “I have you right where I want you.”
“Is that right?” He asks, and I nod.
‘Thinkin’ with my dick’ by Kevin Gates echoes through the room. “Fucking Rebel,” Diesel swears, sliding from the bed. “He keeps changing my ringtone.”
“Hello…Speaking…What? Where? Okay, I’m on my way.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask Diesel, and when he looks at me, I see him pulling back. I place my hands on his face.
“Don’t pull away, I’m right here, talk to me.”
His nostrils flare, but the anger starts to recede. “My mother is in the hospital in the city, New Hope Private.”
“Let’s go.”
“You want to come with me?” He asks.
“Of course I do, get dressed, you can’t go half naked.”
Diesel goes into the closet and gets dressed. I have never seen him look so deflated, or willing to leave the grounds in a pair of sweats and a hoodie. I get myself some warmer clothes, and we both leave. I don’t ask how we will get there because he will figure it out. New Hope is about an hour out of Sunset Haven, once we cross the bridge. If I asked my father to get us a chopper, we would still have to wait for it to get here and then travel out from a private air strip in New Hope, and it would take just as long.
***
We arrive at New Hope Private within the hour. I didn’t account for Diesel driving, and my nerves are shot, but I kept it all in. He doesn’t need me to be weak right now, I need to be strong just like he was when we visited my father. He parks his car that he keeps at his father’s property, I’m sure Miss Baron is going to have a cow about him driving the massive black SUV through the school when it’s prohibited. Cars need to take the long way around, a back service road to Diesel’s father’s property.
Diesel takes my hand and almost drags me through the hospital, I can do this. It’s been almost a year. I almost forgot, but Alex called me yesterday and told me that his parents are holding a memorial for him next week, and they want me to come. I don’t know if I’m strong enough. My heart thrums in my chest, and my head feels faint with every step I take inside the hospital.
I was here when my mum died, and when Zeke died, when I tried to kill myself, every memory invades me at the same time.
“Cyrus,” Diesel says, but he sounds like he is in the distance. “Are you okay?”
He helps me sit down in a chair, and I can hear him tell me to breathe. I try to do what the counsellors at the Rehabilitation centre told me. Five things I can see, Diesel, a sign on the wall about not abusing staff, a vending machine, a nurse seated at a reception desk, and Emory.
Four things I can feel, Diesel’s hand on my knee, the cardigan on my scars, my necklace against my collar bone, and my hair being brushed behind my ear.
Three things you can hear, a baby crying, someone eating chips, and the beeping of someone's phone.
Two things you can smell, Diesel’s cologne and disinfectant.
And one thing you can taste. My cherry lip gloss.
“I’m sorry, I’ll be fine. Go and see how your mum is.”
“I’ll stay with Cyrus,” Emory offers, and Diesel goes to argue.
“Please just go and find out how your mum is. Emory can get me some water, and we will wait right here for you.”
Diesel nods and goes to speak with the nurse while Emory goes to the vending machine and comes back with a bottle of water.
“Thanks,” I say, offering him a small smile, wondering if he really likes Blaine or if she was just a conquest, but I suppose if they were seeing each other for almost two years, there has to be feelings involved, unless he is a real creep like Diesel's father.
“Are you okay? Panic attacks suck.”
“I will be fine, I have some not so great memories here, but I can’t be afraid of hospitals forever.”
“You must really like Diesel to be here, just…”
“Please just drop the concerned teacher's spiel. You don’t know me well enough to give me advice. I’m not as stupid as I look. Maybe it’s time that you get to know your nephew. Not the bullshit facade that he shows the outside world and more specifically his family. You hate your brother, that much is clear. Don’t make an enemy out of him when he could be an ally.”
