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Jolie
Avoidance:the action of keeping away from or not doing something.
That's exactly what I have been doing for the last two weeks. The me I was before I came here had no reason to mourn their deaths. The version of me I lost a long time ago that has resurfaced can't stop. My heart aches with a pain I've never felt before; my entire being feels like it's being crushed from the inside out.
Avoiding those who caused this pain has been an escape because vengeance has buried its way into my blood, and all I dream about is hurting them the same way they have hurt me. Then I wake up in tears, the thought of losing them also causes me more pain. It’s an endless cycle day in and day out.
I'm not entirely sure how long I have been holed up in Boston's room. His clean laundry scent has started to fade over time but I can't seem to find the energy to move. Sinclair comes and helps me shower every couple of days and Petra brings me food, most of it I don't even touch. I haven’t had an appetite since I saw their dead bodies littered on the grounds of the test zone.
I know Creed sneaks in and watches me sleep every night–I’ve heard him moving around more often than not–but I always ignore his presence. I don’t want anything to do with any of these guys. They’re the ones that caused this heartbreak. Unfortunately I know I can't stay in this room forever.
The door to Boston's room clicks open and bangs against the wall. The sound echoing throughout the room makes me wince. I keep myself rolled in a ball under the covers. If I ignore them they tend to go away after a while. The first week was bliss, nothing but endless silence. They don’t get the message though, some of them are pushier than others, Kai being one of the pushy ones.
"Rise and shine Princess. We have the funeral today. It's time we laid them to rest."
I ignore Kai as he moves around the room and pulls the curtains open. The darkness from under the blanket disappears and the light of the day filters through.
"We can do this the easy way or the hard way."
"Fuck off Kai," I snap.
"No can do. Mr. Z wants you back in the land of the living."
"Fuck him too," I mumble.
Kai laughs as he grabs the bottom of the blanket and tries to dislodge it from my body. "No thanks, he isn't my type."
Now that I have all of my memories back, the thought of him fucking someone else causes rage to pool in my stomach. Even though I'm mad at him and forgiving him isn't something I can do just yet, I don’t want him with anyone else.
"Hard way it is then," he says and then laughs.
I hear him walk around the bed and he fully rips the covers off my body, throwing it across the room. I open my bleary eyes and look up at him; my lip curls up in anger seeing the smile plastered on his face. Kai leans over me–his messy black hair falling across his forehead–and grabs my arms, pulling me from my sanctuary.
I thrash around in his hold, just wanting him to get his hands off of me. "Leave me alone!" I scream as a sob bubbles up in my throat.
"No can do."
I go limp, the never ending exhaustion I’ve felt since I lost them, making me feel like I haven’t slept in weeks. What's the point of fighting if he keeps coming at me? He tries to sit me up but fails. I hear him huff as he leans down manoeuvring himself so he can throw me over his shoulder.
I kick my legs and bang on his back, screaming at him to put me down.
“Kai, put me down! I hate you!”
“Words leave permanent scars, so make sure you really mean what you say.”
He walks me into the ensuite and turns on the shower and steps inside. The cold water stuns me as he places me down onto my feet.
“You killed your own brother. You’re owed my hatred, whether that hurts you or not. You can’t walk away from this war with no battle wounds. They didn’t get to.”
Tears start streaming down my face as I look up into Kai’s sage green eyes. He looks so much like Case. I lift my hand and touch his face. "I'm sorry," he whispers. The crack in his voice breaks my heart, nearly making me forgive him. Damn this genetic bullshit, making me feel things I don’t want to feel.
"I miss them and it hurts so bad. Why does it feel like this? I'm in a war with my brain because inside I know them but really I don't. I’m not even sure how I felt about them." I whisper, my own voice cracking.
"It's in your genetic make-up, you were created for them. You felt their pain. When you left they hurt for a very long time and I expect the same for you but we don't have the luxury to mourn any longer. This is our life and Mr. Z rules it until we can get rid of him. So you have to get dressed and put your armour up. You're strong and can do this."
I find myself nodding at what he says. "We need your help to take him down. You can get close to him in ways that we can't. Please help us."
