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This makes Ella squeal as she slides off my bed, and I can’t help but wonder how I got so blessed. If only nineteen-year-old Jenna who’d just lost her parents and had no idea where her sister was could see twenty-eight-year-old Jenna. I wonder how I would’ve been if the man I met first was someone like Seth instead of Pete. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade my children for the world, but still. I feel like it’s only human of me to wonder how things would’ve been.
But I also don’t want to know, because if it was someonelikeSeth and not Seth himself, I don’t think I’d want him.
I ease to my feet with Eli in my arms, his head resting on my collarbone. “So, what do you think, El?”
Ella spins around and throws her arms around my legs. “I love it, Mommy! This is the bestest birthday!”
“You think so?” I squeeze her shoulder because I’m not allowed to touch her hair with the sparkly gold barrettes in it. “Well then, let’s get downstairs so you can keep having the bestest birthday.”
She gives my legs one last squeeze before racing out of my room and down the stairs. I’m glad I went with the shoes I did. There was an adorable pair of heels with a tiny wedge I nearly bought instead, but something told me to go with the sandals.
Eli and I get to the bottom of the steps just as the doorbell rings. I glance at Ella, expecting her to run and open it before I can get to it, but she’s just standing at the bottom of the landing, her previously glowing expression dimmed noticeably as she stares at the door.
“Honey, is everything okay?” I ask.
Ella’s big brown eyes meet mine. “I’m kinda scared.”
“Oh, baby girl. That’s completely understandable, okay?” Since Eli’s in my arms, I can’t squat down, so I hold out my hand instead. She slides hers into it and I squeeze. “But I also know Office Seth thinks you are a very special little girl, and he’s going to give you a very special birthday present because of that, okay?”
She nods. “Can I surprise him? Like in the princess movies when they come down the stairs?”
“You know what, that’s a great idea. Go on back upstairs and count to a hundred like we’ve been practicing, then come back down. Does that sound good?”
“Yeah!” And just like that, her glow is back as she hurries back up the stairs.
I approach the door and pull it open. “Sorry it took so long. I was…”
My words trail off when my eyes catch up, becausewoah. I mean, I’ve seen Seth in a suit before. I have. I said it was the best-looking suit I’d ever seen, remember? But never have I seen Seth inthissuit standing onmydoorstep with a bouquet of yellow, pink, and white flowers inhishands. My brain doesn’t know how to react, and neither does my heart. It’s skittering like my first car did when I used to coax it into starting when it was -25 degrees in the winter.Just even out and start, Penny. Just do that for me, will you?Yes, I named my car, and yes, I named her Penny because that was about how much she was worth.
This is a very different scenario, though, because my car wasn’t an attractive man standing on my doorstep. A navy suit jacket is embracing his shoulders perfectly, and he has a white button-up tucked into matching slacks, the top two buttons of his shirt undone to reveal the barest hint of his tanned chest. The navy—honestly, I don’t think we need to call it that anymore; from now on the color navy will be calledSeth, okay? –of his suit compliments his cerulean eyes, and he’s clean shaven with his dark hair tousled in a soft-looking way. I think he must’ve put cologne on, too, and I wonder how creepy it would be if I conveniently stole his suit jacket so I can use it for my new throw blanket.
It's not until Eli squirms in my arms that I remember I’m not the one going out with this incredibly gorgeous man, and I clear my throat. “Hey.”
Cool. My conversational skills are really topnotch.
Seth’s lips twitch, and I swear the sparkle in his eyes spikes my blood pressure to an unhealthy level.Yes, Doctor, I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with me. Just a bit of healthy recognition of the man on my doorstep, that’s all.
“Hey, yourself,” he says, shifting the bouquet to his left hand to reach out and shake the hand Eli extends. “Hey, buddy. Are you gonna hang out with your mama tonight?”
Eli looks up at me, and I hold my breath, hoping he’ll say something. On rare occasions he’ll say a few words, but not as many as he should be by now. I try to tell myself he’ll talk when he’s ready, but it’s not always easy to push down my worries. Especially when I don’t have a husband, or even my own dad, I guess, to share my concerns with.
“Mama,” Eli repeats, casting an uncertain smile at Seth. Then he scrunches his nose up and smiles. “Pay?”
“Aw, buddy, I wish I could play with you, but we’ll have to do it next time, okay?” Seth says, and I swear I’ve never heard such tenderness in someone’s voice before. Is it possible for my attraction to Seth to deepen? I’m starting to guess the answer isyes. “Where’s your sister at?”
“She wants to surprise you like the princesses do,” I tell him quietly, stepping back to allow him through the door. Clearly that suit and his charming smirk wiped all my manners right out from under me. “Would you mind if I take a video?”
He gives me a soft smile that does nothing to help wrangle the butterflies in my abdomen, and I get a fresh whiff of his cologne. “Go for it. If you send it to me.”
“Deal,” I say right as Ella exclaims, “I’m coming!”
I manage to open my camera app and tap record, moving back so I can get both of them right before Ella comes down the stairs, but I don’t even know if I’m actually capturing them in the frame because I’m too mesmerized by the real-life version. Ella, who’s still shorter than the railing, glides down the steps with her chin tilted up and her expression equal parts confident and nervous. She comes to a stop on the landing, glancing uncertainly between Seth and me.
My own gaze bounces to Seth, and I blink back tears. He brushes quickly underneath his eyes before reassuming a soft expression and stepping up to the landing, slowly lowering to one knee. I promise you I don’t notice the way his jacket strains across his muscled back as he does this, nor do I wonder if it’s too late to switch places with my daughter. You might be surprised how fast I could call Alice, bribe her with the stash of brownie fudge ice cream in my freezer to babysit the kids, and go on the date with Seth myself. Don’t have time to change? No biggie! I will wear these dark wash jean shorts and the loose yellow tee I have on, because honestly, Seth is the one people would be looking at. It should be illegal for a man to look that good. I wonder how he would react if I called the cops…
“You look beautiful, Ella,” Seth is saying, and I force myself to focus on the present. And by present, I should probably mean that this is mydaughter’snight because it’s a birthday gift. Suddenly my September birthday feels really far away. Is it too early to ask for the same gift as Ella? “Happy birthday.”
Ella’s face relaxes into a shy smile as she takes the bouquet and eyes Seth over the vibrant blooms. “I’m kinda nervous.”
