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It’s not until Seth’s guiding me out to the patio behind them that I remember this is Marshall’s first time meeting his father-in-law.
“You’ve got a beautiful view,” Jude says lightly, gaze taking in the panorama of the lake from the deck. “And the house is designed well. It would go for top dollar in Denver.”
Does anyone else find it ironic that Marshall is the architect at Bryant Bros.—the one who designed this cottage—and his father-in-law is an architect too? Or is it just me?
“I don’t think that’s what we’re here to talk about,” Seth says, and though his grip on my hand is tender as usual, his words are hard. Unforgiving. “And unlike you, we don’t have all the time in the world. I’d like it if we kept this moving.”
“Seth,” Jess says softly, resting her hand on his shoulder. She hasn’t said anything else since we stepped outside five minutes ago, but it’s clear she’s got a handle on her emotions, at least. Or she’s just good at hiding them.
“No,” Jude concedes, holding Seth’s gaze, “that’s not what we’re here for. We’re here because I need—” he pauses slightly when Seth scowls “—to talk to you and your sister about your brother.”
Jess’s expression softens and Seth’s hardens. I can’t blame either of them. Finding out you have another sibling you didn’t know was living for around sixteen years is a lot.Andthat sibling has Down syndrome. And to top it all off because every cake needs a cherry, you only find out because your absent father shows up one random August night.
Yeah, not crazy at all.
I’m kidding. My mind is completely spinning, so I cannot even imagine Jess or Seth. Especially Seth, because I know how much he carries on his shoulders. Unnecessarily most of the time, but still. My fiancé—I will frequently call him that until I get to call him myhusband—is a strong man. So strong I sometimes don’t know how he does it. I don’t know probably half of what goes on in his work, partly because of confidentiality and partly because he’s told me he doesn’t want to discuss work when he’s off duty and we’re with the kids, so I only know a fraction of the weight he carries. And believe me, I would collapse from it by now.
“Jake is going to turn sixteen next week,” Jude continues, twisting his fancy wedding band around his finger. Not gonna lie, I can’t wait to see Seth wearing a ring. “When Teri and I started dating, I’d only been out of prison for six months. I told her everything. She and I initially weren’t planning to have any children because we were both in our later thirties, but…” He clears his throat. “That changed. When we found out she was pregnant, we talked about visiting. Then Teri’s dad died, and things were completely turned upside down when we found out Jake would be born with Down syndrome. We just couldn’t do it.”
“Why?” There’s a sharp edge to Seth’s voice, sharper than glass, and I squeeze his hand under the table. “You didn’t think we’d like to know we have another sibling, Down syndrome or not?”
Jess opens her mouth like she’s going to say something, then closes it.
“We did it for Jake.” This answer bristles Seth, but Jude goes on undeterred. “We were told there was a high probability he wouldn’t live to be sixteen. So, we—”
“Ah, so if the doctors were right, we were just not going to have a chance to know him or knowabouthim whatsoever, then?” Seth asks, clearly irritated. “What, were you going to send us an obituary in the mail? Have Meredith slip it into conversation casually with Jess?”
Jude sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose. “No. I—I really can’t say. Teri and I agreed that, if Jake lived to turn sixteen, we would tell him about you. Which means I needed to tell you about him.”
“What’s he like?” Jess’s question is soft and almost laced with tears. Marshall massages her shoulder, all tenderness, but the way he regards his father-in-law is practically identical to Seth’s expression. “Is he…alive? Like, actually able to live?”
“As much as he can, yes. Teri homeschools him because he can only say a few words here and there. He’s most fascinated by cooking and…” He trails off for a moment, his gaze zeroing in on Seth. “Law enforcement. My business partner’s son is a cop, and Jake always writes down a handful of questions for him when he sees him.”
I feel Seth’s big body tense, but it’s not in anger. By now, I know how to read Seth’s body language. I know if he’s angry because his expression hardens and the blue of his eyes turns icy. That’s what he looked like when he was pacing earlier.
Right now, he’s battling an entirely different demon.Vulnerability. I guess I don’t know if that should be considered a demon, but today, for Seth, it is. Seth is battling vulnerability because Jude just shot a missile straight into his defenses. One that is likely strong enough to destroy them.
“He likes to make sandwiches and has mastered the PB&J all on his own,” Jude says, the barest hint of fatherly love in his eyes. “He will sometimes come to the office with me and enjoys drawing his own versions of blueprints. He likes to shoot hoops and is surprisingly good at it. He’ll do anything to protect his mother.” He pauses, swallowing hard as his gaze moves between his two eldest children. “He has reminded me of the father I always wanted to be for you guys, but never had the chance to be after Eliana died.”
I see Jess brush quickly under her eye and feel another wave of anger roll through Seth’s body. Our clasped hands are resting on his thigh, and there’s nothing I want to do more than tell him it’s okay. It’s okay to cry or be angry or want to scream or a combination of all three. It’s okay to let someone else be the strong one and lean on them for a change.
It’s okay to be hurt.
“I’m sorry.” Jude’s voice is thick with emotion, but it doesn’t keep him from saying what he’s here to say. “I know that doesn’t make anything right, and to be honest, I don’t blame either of you if you’re pissed at me. But I want you to know that Teri and I won’t be telling Jake about the two of you unless you want us to.” He pulls a piece of paper from the pocket of his slacks and slides it across the table, then eases to his feet. “If you’d like to contact me, this is my personal number. We will suspend the contract with Bryant Bros. without any further hassle, and I’ll stay out of your lives until you’re ready. If that day ever comes. And if not, then I guess this is goodbye.”
Tears prick my own eyes as I watch an entire silent conversation pass between father, son, and daughter. One I’m not privy to because I can’t speak their language. They’re the only ones who know what it was like two decades ago. What it was like following the death and the arrest.
And then, without another verbal word being spoken, Jude dips his chin—a move so achingly like his son it makes me want to cry—and leaves.
Chapter Fifty
Seth
Inhaling a deep breath of the familiar breeze skittering across the surface of the lake, I step up to the railing on my sister’s back deck and rest my forearms on its hot wooden surface. Jess is standing beside me, facing the lake, auburn wisps of hair teasing her cheeks. She doesn’t say anything and neither do I. We seem to know that, right now, we just need this. The ease of standing next to each other like we’ve done our entire lives. Out of all the people who have come and gone in my life, specifically family members, Jess has always been here.
And right now, we both need this familiarity. I needed the goodbye with Jenna where she hugged me tighter than she ever has and kissed me like the world was ending before we broke apart so she could get back to the kids. I needed the brief but meaningful look Marshall and I exchanged before he gestured for me to come outside to talk to Jess. I need this view of the lake, the puffy white clouds in the dark blue sky, the way the seagulls dip to skim the lake’s surface, the boats out on the water enjoying their Sunday.
“He seemed happy,” Jess says without turning to look at me.
