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The man who wrote the notebook is a stranger as I don’t remember being him. I remember snippets of before, the beatings, the rage, and the glee at choking the bastard, but everything else has faded. I don’t even remember meeting Michael, only the impression that he helped me. The more recent happenings are easier to recall.
I exhale and sink down so that he can read quietly to me.
Theo stands next to me to show me the page as he reads. Like it matters. I forgot how to read and write years ago, it would seem. So much for all my book smarts. My father always said they’d get me nowhere.
Theo begins to read, his voice little more than a whisper, like he understands how raw this has made me. His describing my affection and attraction to the horned monster who has taken me in doesn’t help.
I wince and close my eyes as the human me goes into far too much detail about what I’d like to do with him next time we bathe in the puddle deep in the cave. Nothing happened despite my hints and attempts. It ends with the realization that I will never have sex again.
Fuck knows if anything ever happened with him, but I should remember if Michael ever stuck that massive cock of his up my ass—no straight man was ever going to let me do that to him.
Theo closes the notebook and hands it to me.
I might as well throw it off the cliff for all the good it did. No new memories and no new changes. “Well, that was painful and useless.”
Theo says nothing.
“Did anything happen between…” I tilt my head in Michael’s direction.
“Not that I ever saw, sadly. If you weren’t going to fight, I’d have been happy to watch you fuck. But it was all very mundane. Do you still like him?”
“I don’t like anyone.” I don’t trust anyone either. Not even Julie, not even when she was riding my dick and looking me in the eye. Yeah, I wanted her to know what she was fucking, because I am an asshole. Why didn’t I let her imagine that I’m a man that she could want?
“But I saw you with Julie.”
I give him a glare with both sets of eyes. “Can’t afford to be choosy here.”
He says nothing, but I sense he doesn’t believe the lie. While I don’t remember as such, I know that I never had a preference. I think that is why I was graced with two dicks.
“You would have sex with me?” Theo asks in a whisper that is no louder than my scales sliding over each other.
I look at the dark mass that is Theo. His claws are hidden, but those knives are in there. “I wouldn’t know where to stick my dick, and I wouldn’t let you stick anything in me as you might rip my guts up. Besides, you aren’t interested in me.”
He wants Julie. Soft and human and with curves and a smile that in infectious. She has no trouble convincing anyone that she needs help. I’m not sure who is rescuing who.
Theo grunts. “You lose your temper too fast.”
I do. And it’s getting worse. The angrier I become, the more I change. It’s a vicious cycle that I don’t know how to break.
We sit there staring at the damn spire in the distance.
Theo's claws slide out of the shadows and it’s almost like he collapses onto them. “The sex is important, part of the reason you can revert. Without it I am damned.”
Oh…I have nothing to say to that. We were supposed to fuck tonight. That was the deal. When we stop for the night, we get to have some fun. Fun for me. Is it fun for her? Really?
I’m not going to go up to the cave and make a demand just because I want changes to happen.
“How much did you see?”
“Everything. I felt lust. I remembered lust.”
“No changes from just watching?”
“No.” He doesn’t move.
We should be fighting, not having a conversation. The need to prove myself simmers, but while he is small and quiet, it’s easier to push aside. “Why do you not want to fight me?”
“I do. There were times when I banished myself to the very back of the cave because I wanted to kill you and Michael and take your cave for myself. I look at Julie and I want to take her, too. I am still a monster with all those dark urges, but I have been resisting them for a while.”
