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I step between her and Gerrard, not wanting to give him the chance to grab her again. He might run off with her and we’d never find her.
Our little group bunches up and throws questions at Gerrard.
“How many guards will be there?”
“Will the queen be there?”
“Are you sure there’s no way around?”
I close my eyes as their questions wash over me. There is no way around. She has guards to do her bidding. To entertain her. To bring her food.
“There isn’t.” Gerrard says. “If there was a way, I would show you because I do not want to face her like this. You have broken me.” He indicates his changed body.
“You did that to yourself,” Julie says. “All the changes are caused by your own thoughts and actions. You pushed away your humanity to bury the hurt from your old life.”
“Feeling it brings you back,” Joe finishes.
I’m not sure that telling every monster we meet how to change is the best idea. But the memories that I held onto are fragments at best. I don’t even know who I was when I was human, or what I believed to end up here. That doubt I hug close—the way Julie held me while she slept, while I slept—do I need to remember to make the climb?
Is that what stopped me last time?
The fear is paralyzing. If I fall, I will not survive, not this time. I am too small, too human, despite my face and talons. If I do survive, and eat those who attack me, I will push myself further from human and fail faster like last time.
I am caught, trapped in a web of my own making, crafted from things I have forgotten. Gerrard is probably much the same. I am closer to him than I am to the others. Except, I have tasted pleasure and now carry the soft weight of compassion.
“I did not want this. I watched you sleep and grew this thing.” He points at his dick. “You have them. Why, when they are no good for fighting?”
Michael’s deep laughter fills the tunnel and makes my skin prickle.
Joe snorts and covers his mouth. “I’m not laughing at you.”
Gerrard’s mandibles click together. It’s a sound I will never forget.
I’m not explaining dicks to Gerrard. Julie’s cheeks turn red. I glare at Joe, and he pulls himself together.
“It’s called a cock, and it’s for fucking.” He takes one of his in hand as though to stroke it.
Gerrard steps back, his shiny bug eyes fixed on Joe. It’s hard not to watch. Joe looked good as a monster, and he looks better now. My mouth fills with saliva as I think about his tail and blood and being buried in Julie. It’s enough that my dick starts to wake.
Joe grins at me. “You had better not be thinking about eating my tail because my ass still hurts from regrowing it.”
I keep my mouth closed.
“You ate his tail?” Michael is horrified.
“He offered.” And I don’t regret it.
“Your tail grew back?” Gerrard asks as he stares at Joe.
Joe swishes his tail. “Clearly. Do you remember what fucking is?”
Gerrard’s gaze swings from Joe to Julie. He’s silent as he considers her, then he nods. “I think so. It is a human thing.”
I’m about to correct him but think better of it. I don’t want him to try anything with Julie. “It’s all about pleasure.”
That is definitely a human thing. So why didn’t it get rid of my talons instead of reshaping my face?
Michael huffs out a breath. “Can we move on?”
